Ex has just applied for a child arrangement order

[Thomasina76]

We have 2 DSs, 8 and 6, who live with me. My ex sees them on Sundays but they rarely stay over at his. He is seeking a formal arrangement re access during term time and in the holidays. The kids never want to spend time with him despite my encouraging them to do so. Does anyone know what time of order the judge is likely to make if the kids live with me and currently only spend 1 day a week with him. I am assuming (and praying) it will just be every other weekend and half the holidays. Also not sure what do expect at the hearing and whether I should try to reach agreement with him before or just go. It also says that any children over 8 must attend - is there any way around this as I do not want my 8 year old son to attend.

A formal arrangement may be good in the sense that he has a piece of paper telling him when to be there, instead of you. It's less emotive all round. Does he pay maintenance for them?

It really really does suck that men can just decide to swan in and out of their dc's lives, but all you can do is hope that he'll become more consistent. Unless he is a poor father in worse things than organization it really is a good thing for his dc's to build a bond with him. Google and find out what happens when someone repeatedly breaks the conditions of a child contact order. At least then you'll be ready when it happens.

Is it possible that he's applied to court to formalise the agreement reached in counselling? That is often recommended.

In mediation, not counselling

Hi, no personal experience but every other weekend and a night in the week seems to be fairly standard - plus time negotiated at xmas, easter and holidays.

A friend of mine stopped the night in the week though, as it was so disruptive to the dc's school week.

Hi my ex as child arrangement order against me but I'm sure his solicitor on the day said I had to sign the paperwork that I agreed with the discision. Obviously I didn't agree but I never signed anything so does that mean the order is invalid and my son should still be living with me

No it doesn't. The order is valid.