Advice please?!?

[MUjunkie]

Ok I'll try to make this as short as possible without dripfeeding!

My sis has learning difficulties! She has a 5 yr old son also with SEN. I'm full time carer for her (also him tbh) DNs dad a waste of space! Been in and out of his life from day one.
DN almost 3 months prem- no sign of him!
DN gets bronchilitis at 2 months ends up in intensive care - turns up twice to hospital then vanishes!
DN 6 months old - he goes to court gets parental rights and supervised access (I supervise) goes well for a few months then he vanishes, AGAIN!
DN turns 2 - he goes to court again! Has contact approx 12 months, splits from partner tells DSis he always loved her, wants to be a family (blah, blah, loada bolloks, blah) after 3 weeks doesn't work! He leaves n says he wants nothing more to do with DSis or DN!

Now my DN has SEN, awaiting assessment for autism! His dad has never accepted his problems, says it's my sis and her needs that are causing him to be as he is! (Every professional ever involved has said they can't fault her, always asking advice and help when needed, never missed an appointment/meeting in 5 years)

In 5 years he hasn't attended 1 school meeting! One CAF meeting! One Drs/hospital/therapy meeting/appointment!

I have been to EVERY single one! Every school trip/assembly/appointment/meeting!

DS has always had heart problem! Recently found out she has to have heart bypass after xmas. She (and me) is terrified if something happens his dad will reappear and want custody! She knows his dad will ignore his problems and won't do what's best for him, she knows I will do absolutely anything to support him!

God forbid anything happens to her, what would my chances be of getting custody over his dad? He's f**kng hard work but worth every second, I couldn't love him more if he was mine! His dad wants a "normal" son and will never do what's best for him! I just want to know what my chances are of keeping him!

Jesus, sorry that was longer than I thought!

Also the second time at court he agreed to start attending meetings/appointments but to this day has still never attended a single one. They are also looking at DN not being able to carry on in mainstream as he's struggling (even with one to one full time) I know for a fact his dad won't agree, but it looks like what might be best for him! Does being with the parent always come first? Would he not be better with someone who understands his needs? And for the record I would never deny contact between them, I just know I would cope better and make the better choices for DN in the long term!

It's not exactly the same but a friend of mine recently had a health scare and had the same worry about her kids going to her ex she was advised to document his absence in the dcs lives (he'd only met the youngest once) and write a will that gives her parents the dcs.

It's not legally binding if the 'father' has PR but it'll give the intended guardian a strong case to fight for the DC.

She was told they don't always just hand the dc over to whomever has PR they do look at where would be best for the DC, so it may not even need to go to court, unless he fights for it.

Thanks so much for the reply. I have such a close bond with him I know every little thing about him! His dad couldn't tell you anything, because he wants to pretend it's not happening! That's not what's best for my gorgeous boy!

I keep telling my DSis to stop worrying as it's not gonna come to that but the more I think about it the more it scares me!

I also know his dad would stop contact with me if he had custody because he doesn't like me, but that boy has seen me every day of his life. He's a selfish arse and doesn't want what's best for him!