Home in DPs name only, how do I protect myself and our child?

[Fudgeandraisins]

I have a special needs child with DP. It looks like she'll need life long care, and I'm not sure how much I'll be able to work.

I live in DPs house, it's in his name only. It has a big mortgage. four other children from previous marriage, he's going through divorce now.

I've started to realise that I have lost all my earning power, my pension now is going to be tiny, I possibly may never be able to get a mortgage on my own as I can't work much for the foreseeable future.

However, my DP has started to act a little like the house is 'his' and will be shared amongst 'all children' when he dies. No sign of marriage. He has a big mortgage as he paid for a big house for his Ex Wife.

I never used to be that mindful of money, and I contributed to this house financially for a few years before our child was born. I now feel worried that:
A) I will have little or no pension
B) I will be out on my ear with our special needs child if DP died or we broke up.

I am especially concerned that the house will be split amongst his previous children and I'll have to move out. They will get big inheritances from his Ex wife's house that we are both paying for, so I'd like to suggest that we look at my and our sons needs as being a special case here. I don't want to financially suffer and therefore have to make my child suffer. I want some security! What is the best way of doing this?

I think a good compromise would be to say that either you get married

Well he isn't yet divorced....

I can't contribute now, but I did for 5 years previously. I just look after our daughter now. He was very committed, more than I was at first. He has been rocky for a couple of years. He has been separated for 10 years, but only just divorcing now. As they agreed assets etc beforehand they didn't rush a divorce.

Thank you for all the advice. I do feel quite vulnerable financially. And to cap it all I think everyone/his family thinks I'm on a cushy deal as I've been 'able' to stay at home.

Do you have a profession / high earning power? if so there is no reason why you can't hire a sn nanny pay for this between you and work.
I have a ds with complex needs and have worked all thru... sometimes at 80 %. including as single parent last 9 years.
A good nanny can do routine appts.

Right now you have nothing altho your dd may have claim if your p dies tomorrow.

If ypu do marry still consider working .

Good point cesrlavie. I did have a reasonably good job, however took a lower paid one to move in with DP as the area we are in is rural, and my job was over specialized and London based really. I don't think it would cover a nanny though for the hours I had to work, they were a bit crazy.

Since then I've been trying to start up some projects that I can work from home. It's not that lucrative yet. I'm kind of in between.

Could I just say to everyone, THANK YOU for taking the time to read my post and respond, whatever your views and advice.

It really has cheered me up just to think that other people, strangers, care enough. If I could give you all and I would!

Ask him to take an additional insurance police which would pay out to you.

YY to an insurance policy on him, payable for you/your child.

He may already have one as part of the terms of his mortgage on his STBXW house. but that doesn't prevent him paying for another.

It doesn't entirely fix your problem, because he could stop paying it if you split up. But at least it leaves you protected to some extent if he suddenly dies (and possibly if he is injured and can no longer work - depending on the policy).

If I refused to look after our child and went to work he'd be stuffed. He wouldn't be able to continue paying for this mortgage, and I could refuse to contribute to his Ex wife's mortgage.

This is what you must do.

You have heen very foolish to gret into this situation.

Now you need to put your financial security first.

museo, on inheritance and children with disabilities actually in some families with no divorce they try to ensure that child does not inherit as it affects their state benefits! It can be a complex calculation that you probably best need to sit down with a solicitor or accountant to go through to work out what is best.

It sounds like your going to work and leaving him to care for the child might work or to threaten to do that. What woudl happen if you did what we did - we both worked full time and both paid half the cost of childcare? Then neither full time career is sacrificed. Also then your full time earnings would go into the pot in determining mortgage ability too and you could put the new house (as you are starting at point zero on both sides financially) in your joint names and you could both contribute the same amount per month to a pension.

I suppose I could try a time limited strategy. I could book appointments with solicitor and perhaps get some specialist disability advice. I've had numerous chats with DP but I'll give it one last go.

But then I need a plan, I am caring well for our child, that's something DP does agree on! In fact he said he'd want me to look after her for as long as I could as she is thriving. Then I'll need to start to look at work options, which will mean moving for me.

Who wouldn't want free childcare for their disabled child with no risk at all to their assets?

It is vital to be careful about disabled children inheriting as it will just get used up by the state to care for them. It must be put into a discretionary trust.
Also, his other 4 children may not get an equal share of the ex-wife's house, my mum has cut me out of her will but kept my 2 sisters in as she thinks I don't need it

So he wants you to be full time carer with zero financial security... nice for him.

This is it
"Who wouldn't want free childcare for their disabled child with no risk at all to their assets?"

If he is kind to your DD, leave, leave him. Have him begging you to return.

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