Baby crying solicitor threatened

[Neighbourwoes1]

I have a DS 19 months who wakes in the night up to 3 times a week. Each time he crying for 5 mins tops while we do his nappy and get milk etc. Very occasionally he'll cry for longer or will wake more times a week but that's not usual - less than monthly. Many weeks he'll sleep through every night.

A few months ago neighbour came to complain about this. We were flummoxed. We don't leave him to cry and couldn't see what more we could do but anyway started being even quicker to respond to DS.

Neighbour now bangs on wall when DS cries - sometimes before I've even got down stairs so we're talking under 2 mins.

I went round to see neighbour as this is getting bonkers and he went on about how we're totally unreasonable, he's not going to lose years of his life over this, we're entitled and should make sacrifices etc and them said he might instruct a solicitor.

I'm at a loss really. What more can I do? And what would a solicitor do? Can you really take action again someone for a crying baby?

I'm quite good at taking the heat out of debates so we left it with me saying 'we're doing all we can' and him saying 'ok but it can't go on'. He suggested in all seriousness I give DS gin but said 'you don't have to I'm just saying it works'

Any advice apart from ignore it from now on?

I don't think they can do anything, it is one of those things BUT I have to say I agree with a PP that a 19 month old shouldn't need milk during the night, certainly not 3 times. Perhaps you need to look at how you settle him to sleep (is he really hungry, is it comfort, is it that he went to sleep with milk so wakes up wanting it etc) and personally I wouldn't have been impressed at having to change nappies during the night at that age so I would suggest possibly cutting down on fluids at bedtime as that might then solve the problem anyway. Otherwise yes you could look at rearranging rooms or furniture, are you on a different floor to him or have I misunderstood? We put our wardrobes along our shared wall when ours were little so that there was some degree of soundproofing for our neighbour.

Even as a parent though and one who understands I have found myself getting fed up being able to hear the child next door crying whilst it has been hot and we have had the windows open at night.

oh sorry - I read it as 3 times a night too so ignore me

3 times a week isn't unusual.

Thank you everyone I did think that he's just being unreasonable but sometimes you need a sense check from lovely MN

So yes it's one waking a night up to 3 times a week. We are reducing the milk but the occasional night one is proving tricky to drop!

Difficult for op to do any kind of sleep training with the grumpy man next door.

It is hard work, but a cup of water on the side is enough. You can make things easier for yourself.

Short term pain for long term gain. It should be done in 5 days max.

It makes me laugh to think that your neighbour thinks a solicitor's letter will stop a baby crying.

If he's expecting complete silence, he's a fool.

Want to come & sleep train me, Bagina? I wake much more frequently than op's child! 3 times a week definitely isn't excessive for a 19 month old. I'd definitely be noting down whenever your neighbour bangs on the wall. That is excessive.

If a solicitor's letter could stop a crying baby, I'd have issued my own son with a cease and desist order.

Unfortunately, ds appears to be an outlier when it comes to the fix-all-babies-in-three-days marketable bullshit advice.

Fucks sake. My four year old wakes at least twice a week and my two year old still feeds about 3 times a night.

I'm 33 and I wake for a wee at 1.47 precisely every night and usually wake up another twice for no apparent reason.

I don't think the op child.is waking excessively

Oh dear. Carry on living how you like. Was just sharing my own personal experience with ds1 and explaining how we did it. We found it beneficial for us all to be sleeping, especially as I was pregnant and could not function with a tired toddler. What you choose to do with your own dc is up to you.

My ds was waking for attention and to play, we had to show him this wasn't acceptable and it was sleep time. Battle of the wills.

What a twat. I would have laughed in his face, told him to crack on with the solicitor (empty threat to worry you) then shut the door in his face.

Bagna, OP says in her very first post that many weeks her DS sleeps through every night -- so how you think he's going to be sleep trained to never wake up at all in "5 nights max" confuses me. This isn't a case of a toddler who wakes up repeatedly and is stopping the household from sleeping.

I went round to see neighbour as this is getting bonkers and he went on about how we're totally unreasonable, he's not going to lose years of his life over this, we're entitled and should make sacrifices etc and them said he might instruct a solicitor.

"I would LOVE to see a judge order a young child to stop crying! Please do go ahead instructing a solicitor, I could do with some entertainment!"

You need to write him a letter.

Dear fuckwit

Thank you so much for your suggestion that I start feeding my child alcohol at nighttimes in an attempt to get him to sleep through the night. As much as that may work, I'm not sure I (or you!) would want to listen to a small child with a hangover every morning.

I also acknowledge your suggestion of seeking help from a solicitor. However, this may well be a waste of money as my child cannot yet read and even if I read it to him, I'm not sure he would understand. However, it's your money so feel free. Personally I would put that money towards a detached in the middle of nowhere so you can sleep in peace.

Yours

Bloody hell! My almost 4 year old wakes up at least once (often to go to the loo, sometimes shouts for a cuddle) a night almost every night. People need to back off on the "he shouldn't be waking or needing a change" crap. We are not all privileged enough to have good sleepers. grumpy after 4 years of no fucking sleep

Are people deliberately misunderstanding the op!? She clearly said 3 times a week. Its really not unusual. My 6 yo still appears in my bed most nights. I'm 29 and still wake up most nights.

Op your neighbour is being ridiculous. It's part and parcel of living in a flat that there is noise sometimes.

Tell him he's welcome to send a solicitors letter to the baby but as he can't read yet it's doubtful that anything will improve.

The prick. (Neighbour, not baby)

Tragic it was the op talking about going downstairs fetching milk etc, which in my experience led to ds waking for more milk more often. I bloody hate this place sometimes; I was only offering some advice as an aside.

And yes we all wake up; but not screaming in distress like the the dc do.

He can instruct a solicitor.

The law on noise from crying babies is on your side.

What is a Noise Nuisance?

The Council can help to deal with noise that amounts to a ‘statutory nuisance’ under the Environmental Protection Act 1990. To be a statutory nuisance the noise must be either prejudicial to health or a nuisance in common law terms. What constitutes a statutory nuisance is not easily defined. However, in general terms, it is something that interferes unreasonably with your enjoyment of your property, a regular disturbance that continues sufficiently to be deemed 'unreasonable'.

A statutory nuisance will be more than 'annoyance' and much more than the mere detection of a noise. Many other factors determine whether or not a noise is a statutory nuisance including how often it occurs, the time of day, your location (e.g. urban/rural) and the volume, character and duration of the noise. There are no fixed levels of noise which constitute a statutory nuisance and no set times within which it is acceptable to carry out noisy activities.

Types of noise which may be a Statutory Nuisance include:
◾Noise from domestic properties which becomes persistent and/or intrusive e.g. music, barking dogs
◾Noise from burglar alarms
◾Noise from industrial, commercial, agricultural or business premises e.g. machinery and equipment
◾Noise from construction sites e.g. building operations
◾Noise from car alarms and loudspeakers in the street

We cannot take action against:
◾Aircraft noise
◾Road traffic noise
◾Noisy vehicles on the highway (horns, revving, exhausts)
◾One-off parties
◾Noise caused by people walking or congregating in the street - but if this is a persistent problem, it may be termed as antisocial behaviour
◾General everyday living noises such as dogs barking occasionally, lawnmowers used during the day, babies crying, children playing, slamming doors, walking upstairs and raised voices. These issues are best dealt with by mediation

Him harassing you, is not helpful. It is not conducive to mediation. And it is just that - harassment, if he is threatening you with a solicitor over this.

I would point out that he hasn't got a leg to stand on, that he needs to invest in ear plugs if it is causing that much of an issue as its something beyond your control, and if he continues to harass you, you will be contacting the police over the matter and, unlike him, you do have a leg to stand on.

Him banging on the wall, also is something that could have action taken against him in theory as its anti-social as its persistent, aggressive, not a normal every day one, but one that is aggressive and deliberate in nature.

I would tell him, if he continues to do so that you will make a diary and make a compliant against him on those grounds.

If he does want to go down the route of mediation, then go with it pointing out his harassment and anti-social behaviour. You'll win.

He can instruct a whole army of solicitors if he wants, and the only result will be that he's wasted £££. As Red says, the law is completely on your side.

All those thinking that a 1 year old should be sleeping through every night, I still wake up at least 3 nights a week to go to the loo... anyone going to come and sleep train me?

But she's doing it a maximum of three times a week and many weeks doesn't have to do it at all -- if she did try some form of sleep training it clearly wouldn't be done in "5 nights max" because many weeks he'll sleep through for 7 nights in a row without any problem. She's already cut the nighttime milk down to a level where he doesn't normally wake up, so waking for milk more often isn't an issue for them.

Offering advice is fine, but if it doesn't match the situation of the person you're advising then it can come across as ignoring what they've said.

Thanks everyone! Your letter made me giggle! I think I'm just going to ignore now. I've been more than reasonable so he'll just have to get a grip! I will note down the banging though in case he escalates things is I have a log.

I'm not going to humour speaking to him about it again. I saw a meme recently about 'don't argue with crazy they've had more practice' I think I experienced that tonight.

Appreciate your intention bagina :)