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Original poster

Lying about pregnancy

23 replies

DothrakiQueen54321 · 21/03/2016 20:25

Hi there, I'm wondering if anybody at all could help. I would greatly appreciate thoughts and opinions. My apologies for it being so long.

My brother was dating a girl last year but after 6 months he saw that it was going nowhere so broke up with the girl.

This is where it gets weird. A few days later he receives a phone call from her to say that she was in hospital due to bleeding. She then mentioned to my brother that she was miscarrying.

My brother was concerned as he was not aware that she was pregnant. He did not want to be with her but cared for her well being and would have stood by her and the baby.
He let her know that he was rushing to the hospital only to find out that she wasn't there anymore. My brother continued to support her.

Fast forward a month later and my brother heard from her that it was twins and one survived. Apparently the hospital wrote to tell her this. Sceptical, my brother asked for a letter. She sent him a copy of the letter via email which he believed. She then proceeded to believe that they were getting back together but my brother soon set her straight. He'd be there for the baby and her but on a friendly basis.

She turned nasty, name calling etc and began to ignore calls from him. This was back in December when she was three months pregnant. My brother gave up trying but because we come from a different culture, he would hear of all sorts that she would say about him. How he abandoned her and the baby, wants nothing to do with them...

This week just gone was my brother's birthday and he posted a photo of himself and a female friend. This sent her fuming I think because she then sent him a message saying that she'd given birth on his birthday at 24 weeks.

When he called and asked to see the baby, she mentioned that the baby had been transferred to another county due to being seriously ill. (She's been left behind in London)
He has asked her for the hospital, photos, anything at all but only has her word that she was pregnant and gave birth. She refuses to say what hospital the baby is at.
Is there anything he can do? I've read and heard the communication between them and having been pregnant twice myself, things she says don't match up.

How can we find out the truth? In the culture that we come from this is a serious allegation and can defame someone( abandonment of a child)
He is fast becoming a shadow of his former self. All he wants is to know and if he does have a child, to do his part but it feels as if she toying with him.

I would appreciate any help or thoughts and thank you for reading.

OP posts:

FuzzyOwl · 21/03/2016 20:34

I am sorry to hear what your family is going through.

I have to say that I am surprised that a hospital would write to say that a twin had been miscarried but the other one survived; this is what a woman's maternity booklet is for. As your brother presumably has a copy of the letter since it was emailed to him, could you check with the hospital whether it is legitimate? They may not want to confirm its contents for data protection reasons, but they should be able to confirm if the layout is genuine and if the person who signed it does work there and is in a position to do so. You could also ask if it is a standard procedure to send out such a letter.

A baby born at 24 weeks would need to go straight into NCU but I am surprised London is unable to offer this facility - I know women who have had to give birth in London especially so they are at a suitable hospital and this has meant they are a distance from their family. Do you know the hospital this woman claims to have given birth in? Perhaps you can look at what facilities they have for a very premature baby and even give them a call and ask them hypothetically what would happen in the situation.

I hope you get your answers.

Original poster

DothrakiQueen54321 · 21/03/2016 20:38

Thank you for your response. We don't know anything apart from what she tells us. Not even the hospital name. I will ask my brother if the letter had an address for the hospital. I'll get him to consider your advice.
I just feel helpless because she is making him dance to her tune.

OP posts:

iyamehooru · 21/03/2016 21:10

Can your brother contact her parents or family and have this information verified? My gut feeling is she's not pregnant and just wants him in her life and this is the only way.

starjumper · 21/03/2016 21:20

Yes it seems like a very elaborate and damaging hoax.

Look carefully at the original letter. It should have her nhs number and usually a hospital number. I also have never heard of a written letter confirming this. They'd call her back in, show her then get matb1 certificates etc.

lalalonglegs · 21/03/2016 21:50

London has the best medical care in the UK, that baby would be transferred away from the capital - and that the mother would be left behind.

writingonthewall · 21/03/2016 22:01

That information would never be given by letter. Never. Ever. Ever.

WhatKatyDidnt · 21/03/2016 22:24

Agree that it all sounds very strange.

Also agree that the information about a miscarried twin would not be initially communicated via letter. However, it may be put into a letter format during or after a face-to-face appointment, to be put on the mother's records.

Re a premature baby's transfer: sadly this does happen sometimes. There is a chronic shortage of NICU beds and babies are sent wherever there is room.

giraffesCantReachTheirToes · 21/03/2016 22:29

Poor brother

honeysucklejasmine · 21/03/2016 22:29

If I were your brother, my bullshit alarms would be ringing. Loudly.

I may call her bluff by asking for the details so her can make arrangements to pay child support. Through official channels, obviously. She what she does then.

starjumper · 22/03/2016 07:31

Yes - what about asking Child Maintenance Service for advice?

Be proactive.

DontcarehowIwantitnow · 22/03/2016 07:33

That information would never be given by letter. Never. Ever. Ever.

^ I agree completely

BorisIsBack · 22/03/2016 07:34

How bizarre Would the birth not be registered? I think anyone can get hold of copies of birth Certs. Worth a check perhaps?

AuntieStella · 22/03/2016 07:41

"she mentioned that the baby had been transferred to another county due to being seriously ill. (She's been left behind in London)"

This is the bit that sounds completely improbably to me. Yes, you might be transferred from one hospital to another if short of beds, but London is not so short that you need to transferred large distances out, especially with a 24 weeker).

You say girl , so I'm assuming young and so guessing that it's likely your DBro will have met her parents. Can he forward them the messages and ask for more information?

Because your DBro must know all the flaky angles to the story you've given here, but still finds it possible/plausible, and so it is important that this is somehow bottomed out.

writingonthewall · 22/03/2016 07:42

Prem babies often get transferred out of London, that bit is plausible. When I did obstetrics in a N London hospital we transferred to Brighton and Cambridge due to lack of beds in London.

WellErrr · 22/03/2016 07:43

That info would never be given by letter.

She would not have had a very poorly baby transferred out of London and if any transfer had occurred, they would have taken her too.

It all sounds very odd.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 22/03/2016 07:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

writingonthewall · 22/03/2016 07:48

wellerr babies are often transferred out of London if there are no beds. We try to keep mum and baby together but if the unit with the cot doesn't have a spare adult bed it doesn't always happen.

Maracattack · 22/03/2016 07:50

I suppose you could request a letter to show to an employer (for example) but it seems unlikely. Any official letter should have the details of the hospital for example - check those out.

I work for a local government department and we once had a letter 'returned' to us with insufficient postage... Someone had written to a resident saying, basically, we've investigated and stop complaining about this (I'm being deliberately vague but it was about something you would never be told to shut up about) - they'd signed it from a plausible sounding but non-existent department and in the name of an Assistant Director (who would never write a letter on that sort of individual case). It looked very official though - they'd somehow got it printed on the right paper.

It rather backfired as obviously the investigation, which was already closed due to lack of information, was reopened!

My point being that letters can look really good to the untrained eye but be complete nonsense once you look deeper. With letters being sent electronically more and more, it can be easier than you think to get the right templates.

WhatKatyDidnt · 22/03/2016 08:43

Yep, to reiterate, prem babies (even 24 seekers) are sometimes transferred to where there is a NICU bed. That is entirely plausible.

The birth would be registered like any other birth, so within x weeks at the register office that is local to the place of birth.

WhatKatyDidnt · 22/03/2016 08:44

*weekers

DropYourSword · 22/03/2016 08:54

There is no doubt in my mind she's lying and trying to manipulate your brother.

MummyBex1985 · 22/03/2016 14:41

What a bizarre story.

Can a member of your family get in touch with her family to see if any of it is true?

A scan would pick up two babies even if one resulted in a miscarriage - that information would be provided at the scan, not in a letter!

If you ask the hospital to verify the letter they should be able to do that. Different context, but we once had an employee fake a letter from the hospital - a quick phone call to the hospital confirmed that the consultant who had allegedly written it was on a six month sabbatical abroad, and when the letter was provided to the hospital, it wasn't his genuine signature either!

Gazelda · 22/03/2016 18:14

OP, you mention your culture. Is it the sort of culture where there might be a matriarch, or 'elder' who could be confided in? Someone who could use their position to get to the bottom of this?
I appreciate you might not want to involve such a person in case it damages your brother's reputation and good name, but if you approach it from an angle of 'DB wants to do the right thing and stand by his child' then hopefully he will be listened to.

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