Legality of smacking

[Asteria36]

DH has made it very clear that he totally disapproves of smacking and before separation his exW was on the same page as him.
The dsc moved with their mother to live with her partner a couple of years ago and it came to light that he "hit" (his words) his own children in front of the dsc and used the threat of violence as a means of controlling the dsc. DH has made it very clear that he disapproves of this method and that he absolutely does not want his children to be punished in this way.
DSS kicked his mother's dog (he said that the partner does it when the dog barks) and her partner smacked him and then kicked him. DH is absolutely fuming but is being told there is nothing he can do about it - his exW and her partner have said that they will continue to use threats of and actual violence to control the dsc.
We have been combing through the Internet trying to find a decisive guideline on smacking children that one has no parental responsibility for (it is only the partner who does it) and if it is worth us stretching our already strained finances in order to get this stopped.
Any constructive advice as to how DH can manage this situation would be hugely appreciated.

Schools have worry boxes in class rooms. You can start talking to them about who they could talk to at school - carefully, so if you had a fall at playtime who would you talk to, if you were a bit worried about who was picking you up who would you talk to. Lay some ground work because tbh they need to be able to do this.

Argh point of view of the case WRT contact/access/residency as a whole.

Can you phone the dscs school and tell them your concerns? Tell the school you are concerned that anything that comes directly from you might make things worse for the children so you're asking for some help/guidance from the school.

DH tried to discuss the matter with the school SENCO last week as he thinks the problem is part of dss's behavioral issues. He said she was really keen to stress that she didn't want to be involved in any way.

i think at this point you need to document, you could also lodge a call with child protection in the area about your concerns.

You call also call 101 and have a chat with the police. It sounds like the kids are being abused and it needs dealing with.

The SENCo isn't the best person, but you can ask to speak to their child welfare/protection person about it.

I'm appalled (or incredibly naive). I thought there would be some sort of obligation (if only a moral one) on the school.

How about the dsc's GP?

I do wonder though if the OP and DH have a bit of a reputation as "bitter ex" material whether it needs to come directly from DCs without their input at all? I would keep trying to make waves on your end, but also tell DCs to tell a teacher at school.

But if there is a chance not to return them then that would be a better move straightaway. What time are you supposed to take them back?

If courts/CAFCASS/SS later asked why you didn't keep them this weekend, you could always say you were worried about acting illegally and didn't want to get it wrong.

One of our closest friends is a child protection officer, he is away at the moment but dh is speaking to him later about keeping the dsc.
Bertie - I really wish this was a matter of us just having bitter ex syndrome. Sadly if anything it is the other way around - DH and I have been approached by a number of people who share our concerns. The problem is that their mother is very manipulative and if even the tiniest concern is raised then she retaliates through the children (sending them without shoes, withholding contact, not putting their teddies in so they are hysterical at bed-time, stopping telephone contact between visits)

I thought that legal aid is still available in cases of domestic violence.

Where is the friend a child protection officer?
Tbh if you don't think the DC will raise it, you could speak to the safe guarding officer at school (there will be a member of staff who has this role) or you could contact a solicitor or you could ask social services - the number for children's services will be online. You could also approach the police if you feel there has been an assault and that the non parent has been 'smacking'.

It is footle but that's not the case here is it?

Hi,
I have some experience of safeguarding procedures. I can see that this is a real problem for you and the people who should be helping are not.

Although morally if you and your DH complain directly to SS about this, SS should do something (as pp have said, what the ex wife's partner has done is illegal and is actually assault), I think as you say it would possibly end up wtih the ex wife and partner saying you guys are making malicious claims. And might well end up in lengthy court battles etc etc.

If instead, the children can be persuaded to speak to someone at school (have a look on their website to see who is the named lead for safeguarding) I think it might make the process simpler. Do they have any marks on their bodies at the moment caused by this awful partner? If they do it makes it easier to get things changed quickly, because soc services would have to find a place of safety for the children which would obviously end up being you guys. If you haven't made the initial complaint it makes it easier for the SS to place the children with you without your ex wife and partner being able to fight it.

I am absolutely shocked at the SENco implying she wants nothing to do wiht it. Words fail me. Just awful. Safeguarding is everyone's responsibility.

Anyhow so I think what I would do if I were you would be to find out who school's safeguarding lead is, then on Monday morning (tomorrow) ring the school and say you need an appointment with this person this very morning. If the safeguarding lead isn't available, the school should have a 2nd in command designated safeguarding person so they shouldn't be able to fob you off to the next day. Or just turn up there with the kids and say you need to see someone face to face about safeguarding. I'd suggest talking through with the kids before you go that this is the plan and you know how hard it is but it is incredibly important. You can look up the school's safeguarding policy online and read it before you go so you're armed with what they SHOULD do from that meeting.

Then go to that appointment - both you and your DH with the children and at the appointment, say you have concerns about what the children have said. Then hopefully the children can say these concerns to the teacher with you present at the meeting supporting them, but it ends up being logged with soc serv as "kid says to teachers they have been kicked" rather than "husband in legal batte with ex wife has a complaint about her partner".

Good luck, sounds a horrendous situation.

It's violence that's is happening in the home. I sort of hoped that counted as DV.

No, it's a different matter and doesn't qualify as domestic violence.