Grandparent Seeking Shared Custody - Parents Together

[london32]

ello

My children's grandmother lived with my husand and I and our children for 5yrs. We employed her like an aupair. She has had depression for 40yrs (diagnosed SAD) and has never been able to hold down work so it was mutually beneficial.

Last Autumn the seasonal affective disorder/ depression was terrible and negatively impacted my two eldest chldren a lot.
She said awful things to the eldest and was angry and frightening to another one. We told her she culd no longer provide paid childcare for them.

She moved out of the shared house. Then started court access.
She wants a whole weekend per month at her home 100miles away (children are 1 3 6). Also custody at christmas and all school holidays.
I did allow her to see the children with me after she moved out, but she behaved very strangely (whispering comments to children, saying one is her favourite, etc).

The first court hearing said she has rights to a DHRA (as she lived with them for 5yr). My husband has broken both of his ankles and is in a wheelchair for next 3m but court had to ask her permission to adjourn it and she said no.

I work FT and having 3 young kids and being husbands carer means I haven't had time to instruct a solicitor (also thougt family courts u were meant to represent yourself).

She will perfom well for a pscyhiatric assessment (can act). I don't know how else to prove our word agaianst hers? I had an ed psych assessment for eldest child due to anxiety but not directly attributable in written words to this grandparent.

Children don't want to see her, said she shouts a lot and is scary and only liked one of them.

Can anyone help?

Skype sessions can be recorded as evidence of her strange behavior?

My third child has been going overnight since she was 16 months...

Also DS sees his paternal grandparents regularly, has done since 2 weeks old. My parents were still given 1/4 weekends.

She will not get overnights with the 1 yo. Fathers don't get that at that age

Yes they can if not bf.

OK it can happen but you can say that she has superstition anxiety and that this level of separation from you could cause her severe distress. Say that she is co sleeping. No one but a parent should co sleep so this isn't something she can do.
Just keep fighting.

Ha!! My mother has my DS sleep in bed with her. She also baths with him (never the girls). And he's 7! There's nothing I can do!

Andrew Jsckson, 7th president of the USA, is said to have reacted to a Supreme Court judgement against him with the words "the courts have made their decision. Now let them try to enforce it". Quite what grandparents could do if parents just told them to fuck off and take their contact order with them is an interesting question.

Get legal advice. In relation to all the holidays and Christmas, you can argue that it's unreasonable as it will interfere with your children's relations with yourselves as parents and other family members. If they are school age, it will mean you can't ever go on holiday- ridiculous.

Are you prepared to allow any access OP?

This is very scary. Good luck.

Thanks everyone
Getting legal advice
Seems it would be extremely unlikely she would get all weekend unsupervised.
Also she lives 100miles away so transport issues also
Can't believe the unintended consequences of this grandparent rights stuff.
Like

• people deteriorate (physically/ mentally) with age. Which government body is meant to asses case by case how a single/ couple of older people (aged 60-85 I imagine) can care for children.
• by giving grandparents rights this erodes parents 'rights'
• if grandparents get 'rights' what responsibilities to they get eg % Payments, planning children's events. It's easy to sit in McDonald's or a play centre doing fun stuff. surely they should have to do the rubbish stuff as well
• what if all grandparents / anyone who lived with the family made these claims. Who is responsible for keeping all the claimants with rights happy - the mother? On top of working, running home, looking after children
• can parents get harassment orders against grandparents ?
• if young children have to miss parties, sports events, holidays etc to see a grandparent they don't want to, if parents don't take them, is it right a parent is punished/ fined.

london as I said thread, this isn't about the biological relationship; any adult, regardless of whether they are related to the DC or not, has the automatic right to apply for ongoing context with a DC they have lived with for over 2 years.

This is not "new" legislation; it's been in place for a long time.

It might also be worth pointing out to the grandmother that since she is planning to take you to court, it would be best if all contact were via your solicitors until the matter is resolved. That means all contact.

I don't know why I had no idea of this legislation. Even when I researched her moving in, nothing came up anywhere.
I genuinely had no idea.
So a lodger could get rights, or a flat mate in a shared house? If they proved they had a significant relationship with the child?

Yes, they could london. Anyone who can prove they've lived as a member of the family with the child. Sharing meals and/or living space, or the adult having childcare responsibilities - will all be taken into account.

It's not a widely known part of the Childrens Act - although often a factor in blended/step family situations.

I can't remember where I found the paper, but more recently it has been discussed that GPs current need to apply for permission to go to court should be rescinded and GPs should automatically be able to apply for contact. Unfortunately at the moment the law seems heavy on the POV 'it always benefits the child to have contact with wider family' (whether or not that contact is positive or negative), and that 'disagreements' between parents and GPs should not 'deprive' the GPs of the right to further abuse their children by getting their hands on their GC that wonderful beneficial relationship.

You will need to lean hard on what damage the GPs involvement will potentially do to your home life and relationship, what stress and problems it will raise and that this will likely cause tension and problems for the children at home by default. Make sure that is represented, that contact with GPs will negatively affect your nuclear family, and that this is not just a disagreement between adults, it's unreasonable behaviour that is not in the children's interests to be exposed to. Also discuss with solicitor what would happen if you just didn't follow a contact order: while with a NRP courts will use consequences eventually, with GPs I would think it more likely that courts would be reluctant to de stabilise the children's home life. Are you likely to be offered mediation?

Hi rumble
Yes we a have been offered mediation.
She is single minded about her needs so no idea how that will go.

This actually worries me. Just out of curiosity if GP's are going to get all these rights and have claims over our children does that mean they have to take everything that comes with that? Can we put in claims with CSA? Or do they only get the good bits and we get left with all the crap?

I am really shocked at this thread. OP- you have been given some great advice here. Put together a dossier and fill it with detail no matter how small. I really hope you win. My eyes nearly popped out when I saw that the GM wanted every Christmas AND holidays! That's madness. Most fathers don't even get that.

I sometimes think the law has gone too far the other way.

Update
Thanks for all the advice!
Started mediation
Judge basically closed it all down to mediation at fhdra
She has to attend course on role
Of parent and grandparents
She'll get 2hr supervised by us once per month for 3 months 2hr from where she lives (in our area).
And we have to attend mediation to discuss long term
Judge said children too young for unsupervised overnight.
Thank goodness. Nearly cried with relief.
Just hope she follows mediator recommendations and doesn't take it back
To another court hearing after the 3 months is up.

Glad you're happy but I still can't believe you have to do anything.

Do not allow her a single minute more than you've been ordered. Make sure that she comes when it's convient for you.
I know this sounds harsh but if you start letting her see them more than her case becomes stronger. She sees them for two hours once a month. Not a second more.

Hey OP. Hope you're doing well. Did burning get den about our MIL from hell?