A question about beastiality.....

[MagpieRainbow]

Please can some one inform me is it OK to have sex with an animal as long as its dead? If the RSPCA were called to a place on account of lurid allegations of bestiality, but the person in question was able to demonstrate that the animal was dead before he expressed carnal love towards it , would that be legal according to UK law( if a little off colour).?

Get a grip.

it is BESTIALITY not "beastiality"
So someone fucked a dead animal and you want to know the legalities of it?
Was it a pig by any chance?

yes it is. The 2003 sexual offences act deals with offences involving live animals, dead people but not dead animals. So you are free to frot with a rigor mortis hard hamster or similar.

Since I'm sure we're not talking about Dave here....

I'd say the RSPCA would be more interested in how the animal came to be dead. That's if you could get them to get off their arses and actually respond to a request to come out to a case.

(it's also going to be pretty easy to prove the animal was dead before the person in question expressed their carnal love if, for example, its head had been disassociated from the rest of it, FAOD)

The RSPCA can scarcely summon energy to deal with living animals, I can't see they'd be bothered about one that was dead.

As for cavorting with cuts of meat, one is as free to dip one's wick into a chicken carcass as to probe a loin of lamb or indeed place one's private parts into a roast pig's head.

Why one would want to is an entire different question.

" cavorting with cuts of meat "

Anyone read 'Portnoy's Complaint" ?

I read an article about woman who divorced her husband because he had been fucking the Sunday dinner frozen chickens, no police involved AFAIR...

Why would the rspca be interested in what happened to a dead animal?

If you're allowed to eat it then "porking" it is probably the least of its worries.

Anyway, presumably that would also make a crafty wank with a naice ham illegal. The courts would be swamped.

Is that the "posh wank" I hear so much about on MN bluegrass?

I believe the Americans favour various forms of pie. Socialists apparently favour Dianne Abbott. If it was me, as long as the pigs wearing lipstick its fine

As someone said above the answer lies with the Sexual Offences Act which prohibits sex with a dead human and sex with a live animal. It is perfectly lawful to have sex with dead animals. So any mumsnetter wanting to spice up her love life just needs to head down to the local butcher to buy a pig's head (£10 on line) and an evening of much fun will await her.

Can you still get sheeps gut condoms ? (I refuse to Google that myself). If so, any proposed criminalisation would be intriguingly worded ...

Yes you can, LH! They are frighteningly expensive.

(Don't know why I clicked on this thread )

For those allergic to latex, Bertie ?

Yes, partially, they are an alternative to non-latex condoms, which are awful and feel like shagging a plastic bag. But they're also marketed as a luxury item because they reportedly feel nicer. They're not a fantastic alternative though as they don't protect against STDs, just pregnancy.

Well, that's todays new fact sorted! .