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Original poster

Tortured by ex sister in law, what can we do?

14 replies

blondie80 · 17/09/2015 10:14

Brother and sister in law separated approx. 6 years ago. After fighting through the courts for about 7 months due to a lot of lies by her my brother (and us) finally got to see their 3 kids again. The court decided that her only communication if necessary with us should be through mum, via text, for example if there is a problem with pick up drop times.

She has been texting to get kids picked up early every week for the last three years - this is fine with db. Also texts regularly for them to come extra days - this is usually fine too depending on db shifts.

For the last 6 months my mum receives a few texts every day saying things like she doesn't love the kids as much as her other grandchildren, she doesn't see them as much (in fact she sees them more). Mum went to Spain for a week, I was given the duty to pick up and drop off, (kids came for whole extra day this weekend). Their mum knew she was away and has sent over 50 messages in less than 2 hours to mum in Spain about how bad she is as a granny because she spends more time with her other grandkids, that db's three are feeling rejected and notice the difference she makes etc.

Anyway to get to the point, my mum is really stressed to the point of being unwell. has anyone been in this position before? Should we see a solicitor/police about harassment or something? Is there anything realistically will happen?

OP posts:
DreamingOfThruxtons · 17/09/2015 10:17

Does your mother respond to these messages?

Scarletforya · 17/09/2015 10:17

God, yes. She sounds unstable though, which makes it more difficult.

ArcheryAnnie · 17/09/2015 10:19

My god, this is horrible.

Whatever else happens, keep a log of all these instances and the context in which they are sent.

Original poster
blondie80 · 17/09/2015 10:26

She responds briefly as in, 'yes, will pick up early' etc. She doesn't reply to the emotional blackmail texts.

I am worried about her health, she's been to the gp for stress.

Think a solicitor is the best way, although I can't see what will change. :(

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 17/09/2015 10:33

On a practical note, could your mum tell her that her number has changed and use yours instead? You might be able to ignore the barrage of texts better than your mum. Sorry! I think though that no contact allowed is the best way to go and you'd need to get a solicitor onto it. She sounds unhinged - was she like that when they were married?

mummytime · 17/09/2015 10:45

This is harrassment - yes you need a solicitor.
I would be tempted to see if you could port that number to a cheap pay as you go phone, and your Mum to have a new one for her friends and family. So she doesn't have to read those texts all the time. (And actually someone else could read them for her.)

NullaBore · 17/09/2015 10:52

Your dm needs to stop being the poc and someone else needs to pick that up.

That's really horrible for your dm.

pinkyredrose · 17/09/2015 10:56

Call the police! ! This is a clear case of harassment. You can and should get an injunction banning her from contacting your mum. If she breaks this she'll be arrested.

Has your Mum kept all the texts? Tell her not to delete any, you'll need to show them to the police.

Original poster
blondie80 · 17/09/2015 11:07

The pay and go phone sounds like a good idea that can be put into place now and I can take over answering the messages.

Yes, mum has kept the messages. I'll have to do some convincing though to get her to push this with a solicitor, mum believes if we do anything to upset ex that she will stop contact etc.

OP posts:
TribbleNamedDave · 17/09/2015 12:30

Get her to speak to the police, they'll deal with it far better than a solicitor will. It's a criminal offence what she's doing.

doroph0ne · 17/09/2015 12:32

but contact will be disrupted/stop if your mum's too unwell to support it

pinkyredrose · 17/09/2015 12:58

Yes definitely go straight to the police. They can log it as a crime and warn her what might happen if she continues sending these texts. They can also appoint you a solicitor.

mysticlogistic · 17/09/2015 17:42

Jesus sorry for your mum. It sounds as if she is trying to push your mum to breaking point so that she says she will no longer be involved and ends up out of the picture so that your brother will have to do it and she can torture him again. See a solicitor Asap and like the others said keep all the txts. Maybe get your mum to reply with a gentle but firm reminder next time she sends one to let her know it won't be tolerated. Something like "Can i remind you you are only supposed to txt me regarding arrangements for the children, if you keep sending me hurtful and argumentative messages I will seek legal assistance with regards to harassment"

wowfudge · 17/09/2015 18:40

It's a police matter at this level of harassment. A word from them might put a stop to her behaviour.

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