Double Barreling Childs Name through the courts uk

[Deniece2015]

Hi,

I'm just after some advice and other mums experiences.

My child is 2, me and her father have never been together but he is on the birth certificate and she has his surname.

We have previously been to mediation regarding access and her name change, lets just say it was a waste of time. he currently has her every other weekend sat/sun. He keeps threatening to take me to court for more access which i believe he is sorting out soon.

i am going to move back to my home town (2 hours away) in 2 months as i don't have any family or support here other than friends. i want to double barrel her name so she has a link to both families. i do not want to remove his name. he is flat out refusing saying she will be picked on when she goes to school.

i have the court forms to send in and will be representing myself (he will have solicitor) anyway to get to the point has anyone has success or been refused to double barrel their child's name at court?

Thanks :)

You haven't given any compelling reason why you want to change her name. She has the link to your family as she lives with you. The issue didn't bother you enough when she was born. I suspect you'd be refused.

We are moving to a different city where all her family will have my name and no one will have her fathers name. I simply want her to be recognised and feel part of both families.
Is your reasoning that it's not a compelling enough reason from personal experience?
I in no way want to severe the link between her an her father. And as I have mentioned I have nene trying to get him to let me change it from when she was about 5 months old so I recognised my mistake pretty quickly.

Not personal. It's my professional opinion.

I'm confused then as many people seem to have achieved it without the major reasons like safety issues

It's for you to make a positive case why your child needs it. simply to fit in with the rest of the family doesn't cut it anymore. We've moved on from the stigmatisation of the past - that ended 20 or 30 years ago.

Well her dads reasoning for not allowing it is that she will get picked on so maybe he needs to gey with the times as well

No he doesn't. It's for you to make a positive enough case. I don't think that in this thread you've done that sufficient to convince a judge. Sorry if you disagree with my assessment, but there it is.

Could you not compromise here?

For example my son's middle name is actually my paternal grandmothers surname. His surname is his fathers.

Think along the lines of (names changed obviously) Ben Swift Brown.

It's not double barrelled but the name is a "connection" and his initials evoke the relationship.

This might be a good solution for you. He does have your surname on his passport and as part of his name and could use this in the future should he choose.

My son loves having an unusual middle name (I can't go into why) the reasons we gave it to him. It's actually a more "special" name to him than his surname.

Is the father happy about the two hour move? He could object if you drag him through court over the name.....

i know it's too late now for you but i hope other people reading this in the same situation (not with the father) or even just unmarried will think twice before giving the child the fathers surname.

too many tales like this on MN. good luck OP i wish you all the best, i can see why you'd want her to have your surname too.

He has already accepted the 2 hour move and he has been advised he wouldn't really have an argument to make me stay as all of my family is here and he will still be able to have her every other weekend and I have agreed to split the travel. I'm not trying to make any relationship any more difficult than he already has I just want to be closer to my family.

I think having a double barrel is a compromise. I should have listened tot family when they told me to give her both. I was hoping to to be a kind of large extended family where we all got on but he just made thing akward.

I was just looking for advice from people who had been through it either getting the result they wanted or it going against them and what reasoning the courts used/accepted. And no I'm not looking to copy or make stuff up I'm just trying have all the u do so I can make an informed decision.

I understand majority of dads (on or off here) don't agree with my plan and I'm not trying to upset anyone.

Sorry that meant to say I'm just trying to get lots of information so I can make an informed decision, trying to type with a toddler around is a bit of minefield sometimes ha

Well it's obviously rubbish that she would be picked on at school - a third of all kids in DS's primary class had double barrelled names and it certainly wasn't because they were the landed gentry!

If it is the case that the law is not on your side in not being able to change her name (to the extent of simply adding yours) without his consent then the law may have caught up in not recognising different surnames as a stigma but it is still steeped in patriarchal tradition. What possible objection could there be to a mother adding her surname to the father's?

Good luck OP.

I have a double barrelled name. My DCs have their father's surname (not double barrelled).

Not once have they ever been picked on at school for having a different name to me. People just accept we have different names, and it makes no difference to whether we feel part of the same family or not.

As for me, I never got picked on because of my surname. People, especially other children, just accepted it.