How to handle ex dh and his bullying lawyers

[lavenderhoney]

my divorce and financial settlement/ child access has taken a turn for the worse if that could be possiblesad he still lives in the ME and is still making my life a daily misery.

He refuses to discuss anything that happened wrt his Db threatening to take the DC away and his DM not noticing my dd being taken out if the house unknown to her. He calls it propaganda and says the DC and I made it up.
My sol said don't report to police here as it might cause trouble. I wish I had ignored her know.

He insists on a legal agreement he can take them four weeks a year ( he means abroad to his parents ) and I don't want him to have the passports and now I don't want them in care of his DM, and the DC are terrified of their uncle now. My sol says that they are entitled to a relationship with their foreign family. I also presume he means for me to take care of the surprise puppy he bought the DC whilst he takes them away. She says it will go to court which he wants anyway, and he will most likely win and be allowed to take them.

Finances are a fucking nightmare and despite my saying no he has arranged an estate agent to come round and value the house for sale, emailed me a time and told me to allow access. If I refuse he says I am being obstructive and his lawyers will use that against me in court. My sol says ask him to cancel it, I have but he just told me to allow access as he wants the house sold and me and the kids in rental.

The DC will be there so what do I say to them? I own the house jointly and I don't want to sell it.

He lied on his form e about a bonus which is in his contract and he will get, and my sol said well he hasn't had it yet. I had to put my future bonus in. I don't know if she is playing devils advocate but why would she?

I'm supposed to be on hols and this is all awful. He ruined Easter by changing his dates last minute and making me swap weeks. He knows dd is poorly atm and he hasn't bothered asking anything.

He emails endlessly and viciouslly, as he wants all he can get and says his lawyers are in a hurry. My sol is starting to dance to his tune and now says perhaps I should agree with him as he won't agree to anything else and I can't afford court. I can't afford her soon either and I have no idea what I will do. Do I just have to give in as I don't have the money to fight him?

I posted under d/s too but thought I might get more help here as I feel my sol isn't in my side and ex dh is emailing me every hour with wanting info and things. He says his sol says it all urgent all of a sudden.

Do I have to let the valuer in? House is joint. He says if I don't then his lawyer says I am obstructive and they will use it in court.

Have you thought about a new solicitor? You don't sound to have any faith in the one you've got.

Please phone women's aid and ask them for a list of family law solicitors in your area who can really put your ex in his place and give you some strength

The problem is that he sounds difficult, and if you want a solicitor acting for you it's going to be very expensive. Perhaps if she does all you want her to do she knows you can't afford that, so she's trying to diffuse crises rather than inflame them.

He's entitle to have the property valued. Usually you both agree on a surveyor to do this at joint expense. Has this been done? If not, do it. It will cost you half the surveyor's fee though.

Your solicitor is probably spot on that he'll be allowed to take the children abroad to see his family. I don't think that there's anything in your post that would make a court think not to order he can take them. I assume the other country is a signatory to the Hague Convention on child abduction?

About his non disclosure of future bonus - I'm not sure what else your solicitor can say. He's not received it yet, so there's no proof of it. Only your say-so.

Make sure contact is agreed well in advance, and make it very clear that you will be making your arrangements for your time well in advance so won't be able to change things. But there may come a day when you would want that flexibility yourself, so tread very carefully here.

If he lives in the Middle East (I assume that is what ME meant in the OP's post) then I would check out very carefully whether you would be able to get the children back if he tried to keep them there. Some countries have different stances on parental rights and women's rights.

If he lives in a non-Hague Convention country that makes things more problematic. You should get some advice from a solicitor who is a member of Reunite. There are all sorts of protections you can get (I'd be worried about what the brother said). Would involve looking at whether there are any assets in the UK to take as security, the obtaining of mirror orders in the other country, and you need to look at how easy it would be for you to take steps in the court of the other country.

If the other country is in the HC then these concerns wouldn't apply.

He is entitled to get the house valued as pp has said.

If they bonus hasn't yet been received then how can he can't disclose something that may happen in the future.

With the children, again check about Hague convention, but if all is ok, I can't from what you've said, see the court saying no.

I remember your threads in Relationships - so, so sorry things have gone as you feared.

I remember you had to box very clever to leave at all, given the country you were in requires women to have their husband's consent to leave. Obviously Hague is completely by the bye here, but his family coming from another EU state and therefore potentially being used as a shuttle/figleaf to get them out to the ME was your concern before, right? I think a lot of people have suggested you contact Reunite before, and again here. Did you do that at any point?

Is there anything preventing you from contacting the police now and explaining what the situation is and what your BIL did, just so they have the house/number flagged up if you need them again?

I think you should change solicitor, tbh, as you've posted before about her ineffectual approach and she's not really got your trust. You're not that far from Bristol, and I know of a really excellent woman sol. there who is very active in domestic abuse cases. She could advise on whether you have any shot at legal aid on that basis, as well on whether the advice on the house is solid when there's no way to make him pay any child support in the future. She is extremely effective on her clients' behalves and an initial appointment to assess the lay of the land couldn't do any harm, could it. Obviously Reunite is also a really great suggestion.

There's a difference between having the house valued for asset division purposes and to have it put on the market. (And wouldn't an estate agent be more likely to inflate the price, anyway, to try to get the instruction?) You don't have to agree to a sale, but I don't see how you can divide the assets if the main one isn't valued. I can see why that might be argued as obstructive (agreeing to make yourselves and the kids homeless, and I don't think so!).

So sorry to read that things have deteriorated to this point.

Thanks - I've followed the re unite stuff.

Furnished - if he wants the house valued for sale it's very different to a valuation for legal purposes for which an estate agent generally charges. The estate agent was very irate at my ex wasting his time- he had no idea it was jointly owned, I had no plans to sell.

In the form e, you have to put confirmed gratuities and bonuses, which his is, I had to put mine in! I have a copy of his contract anyway, so I'm glad I followed advice on here from many months ago and took a copy. It's worth far more than the paper it's written on.

Sleep, I don't know if it's too late but could you pm me the number?

Collaborate, despite his DM not noticing my dd leaving the house and wandering off ( did is 6) and bil threatening me and the DC so we had to leave in the night?

Sorry, but they don't sound like the kind of allegations that lead to, ultimately, the refusal of contact in the presence of the wider family. Your ex would expect to be trusted to ensure they are safe.

He plans to leave the DC in the care of non English speaking relatives who can't see the issue with allowing my 6 year old dd to wander unsupervised and unbeknownst to them alone in the woods picking berries, by a stream. For a couple of hours.

I don't see how this is even close to being ok.

Hi OP. I had a similar experience when my ex relocated to the UAE (also not part of the Hauge convention). My solicitor told me to apply for a prohibited steps order and residence.

Given that your ex's brother tried to take the children without permission (at least that's what it sounds like in your OP) it certainly sounds as though they are untrustworthy. If you have genuine concerns about their willingness to return the DC to you, then court may be your only option.

Report their uncles behaviour to the police. With any luck, a court advocate will speak with the children to build a picture of the incident.

I'd be very surprised if the family courts didn't take your concerns seriously.