Changing a child's surname.. What are the chances?

[ChangedJustForThisYo]

Hi

I have a DS who isn't my fiance's biologically (in every other way he is his father) DS has ALWAYS had my surname and NEVER his bio dad's. Bio dad didn't have PR until DS was nearly 2 before he was granted PR I changed both our surnames to my grandfathers.

Bio dad, despite NOT having PR at the time doesn't like this and never has, tried to get DS's passport due to not being in the original name cancelled ect.

DS is now nearly 4, had contact via courts 4 times in a centre, supervised. There is NO application to date despite many threats to go to court for contact.

My DP has been in DS's life since he was 1, we have another DS together and currently both DS's have my surname. We're due to get married and want everyone to have DP's surname.

Now I know I could change it without his consent and it wouldn't be legal but we also know that DS's bio dad would outright refuse to agree to the change despite never having his surname to begin with.

If we take it to court what are the chances of the name change being granted?

bio dad:
pay's via the CSA due to me starting the claim (didn't pay for the first 8 months of his life)
has indirect contact (a photo every 3 months via a promise to the court)

DP:

Pays for DS as well
lives with us
will be marrying me
raised him since he was 1
is the dad of his brother

we want him to have the same name as the rest of us

It's understandable that your fiance might prefer to keep his name, but unfortunately it doesn't look like the whole family would be able to share it.

If that's the case, what will you do?

Can't he double barrel to both and the rest of you just use yours? When they are older they can double barrel as well if they want to.

Wow. Lots of opinions here.

OP wants to have her husband to be's surname. She wants her children to have the same.

OP, did you say that bio dad has parental responsibility? The only reason I got my DS's name changed, was because the bio dad had no PR.

Otherwise, sorry to say, I think you have to get permission.

Best to go to citizens advice or something, to see where you stand legally. Not sure you'll get anything other than people's opinions on here

OP - there's a good lot of info here on the deed poll site:

www.deedpoll.org.uk/CanIChangeMyChildsName.html#Section5

Section 5 is about mothers with sole parental responsibility. That is not the case for the OP.

Sorry, I didn't mean section 5 specifically, rather the whole article:

www.deedpoll.org.uk/CanIChangeMyChildsName.html

whoops

I imagine it would be very unlikely that a court would grant an order in your favour. It would probably go something like this:

Judge: Why do you want to change the child's name?
You: Because my new partner and I quite like the idea.
Judge: How will this change promote the interests of the child?
You: Erm...
Judge: Bugger off.

I don't get how it wouldn't be in the children's interest.

Surely when mum and dad get married, all having the same surname would be best?!

Carrie, it may not benefit the children, if this relationship does not work out either?

Best they all have different surnames then, in case they get divorced

Carrie I see, and should they change names again if another marriage happens x

As I mentioned I'm really not interested in peoples opinions or what you would do.

We would like to incorporate our names together. DP's son has as much right to his fathers name as mine. He's played an active role in both there lives, raised them and been a father. The same can't be said for DS1's bio dad.

I'd say that it is incredibly unlikely that the court will allow you to change your DS's name. So much so that I'd stop considering it an option if I were you.

I understand why you want to all have the same name for a sense of family identity, but I also think you need to consider the potential pitfalls of too many name changes. I know it's not what you're doing or what you intend, but you could inadvertently send your DS the message that his identity is intrinsically tied up with the foremost male figure in your life at any given time, and that could be quite damaging to him. His name is his name, and once assigned to him other people should not have the right to make him change it unless he wants to do that himself, and at his current age he really isn't old enough to make an informed choice about that.

It seems odd that both adults are entitled to hold onto surnames as they "mean a lot" to them, but the dcs don't have this choice. If ever there was a case for just one person (the man) changing, then surely this is it?

Simply put if you wish to change a child's name all holders of PR need to agree. If they don't and one holder of PR wants to push the matter they need to apply to the court and demonstrate why it is in the best interests of the child why an order should be made.

Names are regarded by the court as an important link with the paternal family and sense of identity and you will need to argue why this link is outweighed by other factors.

Changing a name because that is your partner's is not likely to be considered a strong enough reason for an order to made. Bear in mind that while you may possibly have a new partner in the future your son will always have the same father.

Lost dad. NO link was made or broken to the paternal family via any name. He's always had MY name. So that can't be a fact as it simply doesn't apply.

Pounding my grandfather was basically my father for over 10 years he wasn't figure in my life for a given time. I was originally meant to have his surname but my father wanted us to have his and my mother didn't fight it.

Nobody's arguing whom gave my son half his DNA but the only person whom has been a father to him is my DP, he's picked him up when he's fallen, cuddled him when he's crying, fed and clothed him and much much more.

He has no relationship to any of his paternal side what so ever, never met anyone bar his bio dad for 90minutes over 2 years ago. There is no connection from my DS to him whether that be by name, emotion, contact what so ever.

OP, here is section 11, which is your situation:

If the other parent (with parental responsibility) will not consent to your child's name change or you wish to guarantee the acceptance of your child's Deed Poll, you should consider applying to your local family court for leave (permission) to change your child's name by Deed Poll without the other parent's consent. A court will give permission if it believes it will be in your child's best interests to allow the name change. The court will take into account the degree of commitment of the other parent to your child and the quality and frequency of the contact between the other parent and your child.

Your child's age is also a significant factor. If your child is under the age of five, it will be difficult to persuade a judge that it is in your child's best interests to permit a name change. Being so young, it is unlikely your child will be experiencing emotional or behavioural problems or is upset by having to use the absent parent's name. However, if your child is at least 11 years of age, it is much easier to obtain a court order because when a child reaches adolescence, judges take the child's views into account. If your child is 14 years of age or over, it is very easy to obtain a court order because your child's views will be paramount.

Please note, your chances of successfully obtaining a court order (for children of all ages) is greatly increased if you do not seek to remove the absent parent's surname from your child's surname (i.e. by double-barrelling your child's surname). For young children, a two-stage strategy should be considered i.e. initially apply to change to a double-barrelled surname and if successful, you can apply again when your child is 11 years of age to have the absent parent's name removed altogether.

If your child does not have the absent parent's surname, you should not have a problem at all obtaining a court order because there is no link to the absent parent that is being broken by allowing a surname change.

Last bit is the most important bit OP, your DS never had your ex's name. I'd go for it if I were you x

The only thing I would say you could consider: your ex has gone quiet and is leaving you alone, yes? So opening this up may reignite his interest in the situation, and he may want to restart contact as a way to reassert control, no? From your comments, that sounds all he was ever interested in to start with. Once he had no contact possible with you, and couldn't control the situation, he lost interest, right?

Stalkers tend to lose interest when there's no fuel. Offering him a challenge to his control of the situation, and a route to deny you something you want, may mean he starts up the contact claims again.

I don't know what you should do, and I won't pretend I do. It all sounds horrendous. But for that reason, I just wanted to mention this aspect - you will probably get permission to alter the name, on the info given below, but might it not restart other issues that are currently sleeping?

Good points sleeponeday x