Kids are 10.5 and 14 years old and dont want to see dad.

[Kazanova]

Ex was found guilty of assault via CPS and he is now applying to see the kids. He knows that they dont want to see him due to his behavior (of emotional abuse to them and me and physical to me). They have had to see and hear enough over 8 years. They are petrified of him. His actions made both kids go to counselling. The kids said to me they are so scared of him and you only have to look at their faces when they talk to see that. Do they have to see dad at their ages? They are quite happy to go to court and tell a judge and write a letter to dad explaining they dont want to see him. DS should be closer to 11 if he takes any action.

I'm sorry I don't know the answer, but wanted to say I'm sorry you are in a difficult position, I hope someone more useful comes along soon.

If he's going through the courts there should be a report regarding their wishes and feelings. It's no guarantee but their ages should have some impact on what happens.

Yes the guardian will help with this.
Id say at their age no court in the land can force them to go, if they refuse the thsts that.

Nope. My court order states every other weekend, if he wants to and should not be forced.

It depends if your ex has obtained a court order. A court order is made in favour of the non resident parent ordering the resident parent to make the children available between set hours ie. Friday 6pm-Sun 6pm. The order does not force him to turn up. it does however force you to make them available and if you don't the consequences can be severe up to imprisonment. The judge at such a hearing can also decide not to make an order having listened to all sides and the children. The children will be listened to and appropriate weight given to it bearing in mind their ages. I have to say that I have never heard of an order such as the previous poster mentioned which gives the father the order but says 'they can't be forced' usually they grant an order or they don't. As for making them go. -It's a hard one, if he gets an order , technically as a parent with equal parental responsibility as you - he has the right 'in his time' to parent them as he sees fit. in the same way that you would tell them to do something they didn't want to do (clean bedrooms, do homework etc ) he can also tell them to get in the car and go with him. The reality of this type of situation is that it causes huge resentment and damages the relationship further. You have to be very careful about projecting your understandable dislike of their father and encouraging alienation from him. good luck.

My solicitor is saying the kids have a voice and can say no and speak to the judge with their views. Especially after his behavior. I cant pick the kids up as they are too heavy to force into a car. My kids know what they want and are not scared to share their views, but they are petrified of him. They remember all too well that when he could not control me he would turn on them. He has not spent any proper time with them in 8 years. They are scared to get in a car with him as he drives unsafe. He even stopped on a roundabout once all because he wanted his own way. We have lots off reports already on him. I understand he has parental rights but he has not acted like a parent as he told us he dont know how. No one taught him how. He only sees the kids as processions. I am very concerned that he will not bring them back but also he will force them. He has already trapped them in a room once and the police got called.

My order states I must make them available but they shouldn't be forced. He's 12.

Moomoolamd01. Yes. It's a court order, they have considered both sides and made an order. If you don't make them available you could be in big trouble. If you want a variation of the order (order was made when children were younger and their views not considered as they would be at their age now) then you need to go to court and CAFASS will make a welfare report representing children's views,