Need urgent advice

[Innocentbystander01]

I am a single father. My partner left the family home last January after starting a new relationship she left our son with us.
She stopped seeing him in march 2014 and I sought legal advice to restart contact we went to court and she began to see him through contact with a social worked after the court had concerns about her new partners violent past.
The court gave me a residency order so my son lives with me, my ex partner now picks him up from school on Friday evening and drops him off at school Monday Morning.
I've received a text telling me they want to make a benefit claim for him or I can give them money as it costs them 8.00 in bus fares to pick him up and money for food over the weekend. They Also stated they have paid for haircuts (I didn't know they were getting his haircut and it didn't need doing) and they've bought him clothes ( again not asked for and he hasn't brought any new clothes home after visits).
I'm trying to seek advice to see if they can make a claim they are trying to say because he's in school when I have him I don't have to spend as much money on food.
I'm really upset and stressed they are making my son out to be some sort of meal ticket.
Any advice at all would be welcome.

Ignore them. You have residency order she has visitation, she's just trying to pull a fast one. Don't engage with it. It's your job to facilitate contact ie not block it, not pay for her come! And if she wants to pay for haircuts, clothes etc on her weekend that's her choice, As long as you have clean clothes that fit him and send them for the weekend and care of his haircuts etc on your time.

They sound delightful.

As the NRP, is she paying maintenance for her ds? She would be entitled to a reduction on this for the nights he spends with her, but if I had to guess, she isn't paying anything thus a reduction on zero is .. zero.

How long has it been since she started seeing him again? Is it every weekend? As an aside, this is not the usual contact arrangement as it means the resident parent never gets any fun/social time with their child.

I suspect you are going to end up having to involve solicitors again, as I doubt she is going to be persuaded by you taking advice from CAB or similar. However, it would be worth trying to speak them in the first instance.

What benefit do they imagine they are entitled to?

Thanks for the replies. The social worker and I pushed for every other weekend and one overnight a week but she pushed for every weekend and got it.
She pays no csa just provides for him the weekends she has him. Which I thought was the norm. My eldest dd has been coming to me eow since been 3 and is now 15 and I have never asked for money from her mum
Thankyou again your advice has made me a little calmer.

No legal advice to give, but having done a quick search...
Only one parent can claim Child benefit. On a low income they can also claim Child Tax Credits - is this what they are aiming for?
As tribpot said - you have DS for the most part and are theRP so if anything she should be paying you maintenance. I would have though this is based on the number of nights spent at each house, not whether it is the weekend/weekday.

I claim ctc and child benefit for him.
He's just started reception so I'm looking at starting part time work shortly but I'm worried that if they try and make a claim I'm currently claiming some housing benefit. I'm already in arrears as got into a financial mess when she left so don't want to go there again. ??

Presumably if he is away every weekend, he never gets to see his half-sister? I do think it's worth challenging this ruling as it seems very unfair.

Anyway, that's beside the point for now. I'd be tempted to offer to swap every other weekend for two nights in the week - to balance the costs, of course.

Did you have a solicitor during the court case?

Keep all of the texts, emails, etc. Even if they're annoying and you'd like to delete them. You never know when they might come in handy.

Your ex has no basis for a claim. You have the majority of care. You are therefore entitled to maintenance from her, not the other way around. You do not have to pay bus fares for contact. You do not have to pay for food for your son when he is in your ex's care. You do not have to pay for haircuts they organise or clothes they buy him.

If you apply for maintenance your ex will be ordered to pay a proportion of her income to you (assuming she has some income). That will be reduced due to the fact she has your son 3 nights a week. It is up to you whether you pursue this. But don't worry about her demanding money from you. She isn't entitled to any.

Just to reinforce what others have said above - you have no obligations (legal, moral or ethical !) to pay money to your ex for any expenses she incurs when looking after your child.

If your son primarily lives with you and provide the majority of care, then you are the one who can claim the CTC and CB, not her. She sounds as though she's trying to get a bit of money out of you when, because you have your son more, she should be paying maintenance x

If she goes to the CB/CTC don't panic.

They will want evidence of whom the child resides with you or with her. You can easily prove this with GP letters, Nursery, Neighbours statements etc They'll put a hold on your claim but it'll be backdated

Benefits for children are linked to Child Benefit the one with the. chb can claim for the children. The only exception to this is genuine 'shared care ' and then she would make a claim for tax credits BUT you would have to provide a supporting letter agreeing this was the case .. when presumably you would tell her to f.o. to the fs of f ...for attempting to use your child as a meal ticket. I also agree with going back to court to vary the order as every weekend means you have no leisure time with your son. When the order was made I am presuming he was home with you a lot of the time as quite small..but with ft school looming, thinks have now changed and you will need a new order .

my advice is to go back to court and get the eow contact arranged so you also get to spend some quality time with your son. i would also get the child maintenance order too, even if she doesn't pay it it will at least be on record that she refuses to support her son financially. you do not 'owe' her any money for anything she spends on her son during her contact time. She would only get a reduction in the amount of CM she pays if she were paying it in the first place.

here's what the guidelines say, Point 3 is more relevant to you, (just substitute 'father' for 'mother' - they don't seem to have realised that fathers can be the main carer too) on www.childsupportsolutions.co.uk/pwc-calculation.htm

New Style Calculation (After 3rd March 2003)

All applications commenced after the 3rd March 2003 are dealt with under the new child support scheme. This scheme is much simpler than the old calculation method but is still by no means easy.

Under the new scheme child support payable by the father is calculated as follows:-

Determine the father's net income. This is gross pay, less Tax, NI and all pension scheme contributions.

1. Determine how many children live with the father. Net income is then reduced by 15% for one child living with the father, 20% for two, 25% for three or more.

1. Apply the basic child support calculation. 15% of net pay (after deduction for any children living with the father) for one child, 20% for two, 25% for three or more.

1. Calculate and reduce by any amount of shared care. Shared care is calculated by determining the number of nights your child stays with their father. If a child stays with their father below 52 nights per annum (1 night per week) the amount of child support is unchanged. If the amount of contact is between 52 and 103 nights per annum (1 night per week) child support reduced by one-seventh. If the child stays with the father between 104 and 155 nights per annum the amount of child support is reduced by two-sevenths. If the contact amounts to between 156 and 174 nights per annum (three nights per week) the child support is reduced by three-sevenths. Contact in excess of 175 nights per annum reduces the child support figure by 50% since in effect the child spends as much time with the father as it does with the parent with care. Furthermore, in those cases an extra sum of £7.00 for each of your children that stays overnight with their father in excess of 175 nights per annum is deducted.

You should note that the new system does not include any enquiry into your earnings or indeed the fathers partners earnings. Furthermore all children that live with the father are taken into account, even if he is not the natural father of those children and even if their natural father is paying child support.

In most cases it would be simple, a father living on his own would pay 15% for one child, 20% for two, 25% if he has three or more. If he has more than one child by more than one mother with whom he does not live then the amount payable is determined by the percentage and divided equally between the mothers concerned. For instance a father earning £300.00 per week with three children, two by mother (A) and one by mother (B) would pay £75.00 per week. Mother (A) having two children would receive £50.00 of that, mother (B) would receive £25.00.