what to do in regards of contact between child and father? We've recently split up.

[h00kah]

Hello

I've recently split with EA partner. He's saying he's suicidal and I'm therefore reluctant to have him visit alone with our son. I do not want to see him either, as he will only try and manipulate me, and our son will be witness to it all (he's 2)

how do I go about getting proper contact arranged, perhaps in contact centre? Do I need a solicitor, if so do I have to pay? I'm skint, always skint.

I've tried caff cass but they can't help unless it's gone to court.

Citizens advice is useless over the phone. Can't get through, and can't go to walk in centre.

Am trying the child law advice line but can't get through, too busy, but will keep trying.

Where am I going wrong? I don't know where to go from here.

Thanks in advance xx

Bump

Splitting with abusers is often a messy, protracted business. Only you know whether his suicide threats are genuine or an attempt to control you, and how far he would go (in either scenario).

Give yourself time to reflect and decide what you feel is the best way forward, both in the short term, and in the future. You've said, due to his threats, that you feel a contact centre would be suitable. Are there any alternatives to this? Supervision by a family member, for example. How often do you think is appropriate? Could you find some addresses of local contact centres and find out opening times etc.

When you feel you have a reasonable proposal/set of alternatives, I would write to your ex, explaining your ideas in a non-emotional way. (Keep a copy). Say this is an interim proposal until things are calmer and indicate a method you feel happy with for communication (email, for example). If you are feeling fragile, set up a separate email account for him to send to, then you only need to look at his messages when you feel strong enough/are with a friend. Make it clear that any other type of communication will not be acceptable (and stick to it - put the phone down etc) and that any abusive communication will be passed on to the police. (If you feel that is too confrontational in the first letter, wait until/if he is abusive).

You could have a look at this website they are very informative.

I'm skint, always skint

Can't help with the legal stuff, I'm afraid, but anyone who is skint should have a look at this thread on money-saving ideas.

If he's saying he's suicidal, call your closest A&E department and ask to talk to a Crisis Resolution Team. Suicidal feelings can be a symptom of some serious mental illnesses, it's apparently the psychiatric equivalent of showing up at A&E with stabbing chest pains. The medical experts are best placed to try to get him the help he needs. And fingers crossed he'd get treatment and you'll be able to feel confident about him having your son.

And if he's trying it on to make you feel guilty, the emergency services showing up should discourage him.

He may be okay in a few days. It depends if he really means suicidal or he's just saying that to get sympathy. Is one solution you take the child to his mother's house and he sees it there with his mother present and you do drop offs and collections only to his mother and he arrives a bit later when you've left?

JillyR2015: he may indeed be okay in a few days. Or he might not be. And even if he comes through this breakup okay, if he's got an underlying untreated mental illness then he's still at increased risk of suicide in the future, say if he gets another shock, like a parent dying.

It's not a call that the OP should be making about a recent ex-partner and it's not one that she needs to be making. Let the professionals handle it.

Bump!

To my mind, this isn't about the ex-partner - the OP is asking for advice on contact arrangements and help with solicitors.

If you think a contact centre is the way to go then get in touch with your local one and ask them what they can offer.
www.naccc.org.uk/for-families

You may find more help and advice on the subject of contact options over on the lone parent thread.

Breadandwine: As the contact arrangements are with the ex-partner, he can hardly be left out of them!

In this case, h00kah specifically says she doesn't want to have the father visit alone with his son because the father is saying he's suicidal. Contact arrangements could be much easier and much cheaper if h00kah wasn't worried about her son's safety.

Obviously getting in touch with a crisis response team for the suicidal thoughts doesn't guarantee that h00kah's fears will be addressed, some mental illnesses are tough to treat, sometimes doctors don't do their job. But even then getting the professionals involved would start building a paper trail in case h00kah winds up in court over this, to increase the chances that she could convince the court she has good reasons for limiting contact.

And if the suicidal talk was just an attempt to guilt trip h00kah into doing what the ex wants, then having a bunch of mental health professionals show up is a good step towards showing ex that such threats won't get the results he wants, which should make life easier for h00kah negotiating future contact and other such parenting decisions.