I'm going to make this short, as the long version is epic!
Ex H has refused to make any kind of contact agreement, will only give a few dates at a time he will have the kids, often cancels contact of goes back on his word.
This has gone on for 3 years now, and despite going to court where he was told he simply wasn't seeing enough of his kids, the judge gave him a lecture and gave us leave to walk away and reminded him about his need to stick to his word and be fair and reasonable. So I agreed, in Order to try and build a bette co parenting relationship that was flexible and worked.
He hasn't been, and more so we've got to the point over the last year where one of the kids is suffering emotional abuse from being rejected so much, as am I as he refuses to engage or co parent with me and ignores all communication about the kids from me, won't let me text, email or call him.
It has all come to head where dd made some allegations about his wife, which I tried to deal with sensitively, and his response was to refuse to have the kids for overnights anymore. He also refuses to have them if dd misbehaves.
What's worse is that over Christmas, he was much more reasonable and arranged a week in the summer to have the kids for a holiday..and DH and I booked a holiday for this time, literally I was holding flights onscreen and called him to double check it was all still on....and he agreed. Now it's all off by the looks of it, and I'm £1000 out of pocket.
He only ever has the kids around his work schedule, and only when it suits. I get a list of dates at the start of the month, and he makes me wait to the last possible moment, and then only a month, he won't let me discuss any other dates...and I feel very controlled and unable to plan. I have them 24/7 and have to arrange childcare etc etc for when I work. He won't ever help by taking them to school etc. it's all down to me, and he just pops in when convenient. He lives less than 3 mins from us, no other kids, married to OW.
I've had enough, he has them every Sunday, if it suits him and ditches it if something better comes along and I really want an order that sets it in stone, so he has to have them every Sunday and arrange his own child care on the 4 Sundays during the entire year he works. It will be so much better for the kids to have routine and consistency. Because they just don't know what is happening from week to week.
So, am I being realistic returning to court? I've tried everything..offered countless mediation sessions, all rejected ( have evidence), social worker involvement ( refuses to engage with her, dd is disabled) and using an advocate for my dd who wrote and asked her dad to see her more, ( he called the advocate and told her that it was all rubbish)
He does want to see them, but only on his terms to their detriment. There are also massive issues with his treatment of dd and her mental health. No one knows if they are coming or going anymore, and it's having a huge effect on the kids...dd being referred to CAMHS...
I just don't know if it's worth putting us all through court again. His immediate response will be to refuse to have the kids.
Am I going to get anywhere? Is it worth it? I can't force him to have them, I know that...but I have to get something stable for them, none of us can live like this anymore.
Gosh, this was epic!
Thanks if you've got this far!