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Original poster

Father not being allowed to see his children.

39 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 04/02/2015 15:27

I'm looking for some advice regarding my sister's partner who has two children from a previous marriage. His two sons are 6 and 10 and he previously had them three nights a week after school and they stayed with him every other weekend. Although he and his ex-wife didn't really get on with each other they kept all contact agreements amicable and fair for the sake of the children.

His ex-wife has also been in a long-term relationship and she knew about my sister. It was never an issue regarding contact.

However, early November last year the ex-wife's relationship broke down and since then she has refused the father any contact with their son's as she doesn't like the fact that her ex is in a relationship when she isn't.

As s result he hadn't seen his children for three months, not even over Christmas. He has gone round to their house many, many times and although he knows they are home his ex-wife won't answer the door. He has tried phoning but his ex-wife just hangs up on him. He's really, really upset about it and doesn't know what to do. Apparently she has form for doing this in the past and is only happy to restart access when she meets another man because then it's 'fair' as she's in a relationship too.

He said that this is that longest time she has ever stopped him seeing the children though and he is devastated.

He cannot afford a solicitor in order to get a formal arrangement in place which his ex-wife knows. She knows that the father can do nothing about it and loves having that control over him.

Both my sister and her partner are really upset by all of this because it's so unfair on him and so unfair on the children.

Surely he must have rights?

Can anyone offer any advice that I can pass on?

OP posts:
Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 04/02/2015 18:11

His ex-wife told him that she has instructed the school not to allow the children to be handed over to him. He took this to mean it was an agreement that was already in place and that as the children's resident parent the school had to follow her wishes. Is that not the case then? He can just turn up and take them?

OP posts:
Cabbagesaregreen · 04/02/2015 18:19

Srely he's spoken to the school?

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 04/02/2015 18:22

No, like I said, he took it to mean it was an agreement that the school had come to as the mother's instructions were to be followed.

I honestly didn't realise, and nor did he obviously, that he can just take them against their mothers wishes.

OP posts:
LittleBairn · 04/02/2015 18:25

He could take them against the mothers wishes but if it is ever raised in court it could be made to look very bad against him.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 04/02/2015 18:29

So if he spoke to the school there's nothing they can do to stop him collecting them? Would they just tell his ex-wife that her wishes are not relevant as any parent with PR can collect the child?

OP posts:
LittleBairn · 04/02/2015 18:33

No quite often the school will keep hold of the children and call the mother. If it becomes volatile the police may be called.
Such a foolish thing to do it will make the whole situation worse and could even end up with the father only being able to see his kids under supervised contact if there is suspicion it was a parental abduction situation.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 04/02/2015 18:34

Writer, I really wouldn't go down that route. It really could count against him in court. Legally the school can't stop someone with PR from picking up their dc. But in actuality, they may delay and call the ex to turn up if he were to try it.

Court is the only way to ensure that he has reliable access for the dcs' sake. He shouldn't jeapordise it by taking the dcs without agreement, then she could build a case against him based on that, and the school could provide evidence that it had happened.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 04/02/2015 18:38

I was just trying to clarify it because I got the sense that some posters were judging him as a bad dad because he was just accepting what his ex-wife was saying instead of collecting them from the school anyway.

It's because he's so scared of antagonising her and making things worse that he hasn't gone to the school to try and pick the children up. It's not because he doesn't care.

OP posts:
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 04/02/2015 18:39

He's done the right thing on that front :)

Timetoask · 04/02/2015 18:42

Horrible woman! I hope your brother in able to see his children soon, they must miss him.

Quitelikely · 04/02/2015 18:44

Cookie

Parents do have rights to see their children!

Why do you think they don't?

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 04/02/2015 18:49

Because it's not about the parents' rights. The child has a right to see its parents. It's all about what is best for the child (and unless abuse is involved, that is a relationship with both parents).

Littlefish · 04/02/2015 19:05

Legally, if he has PR, then the school cannot stop him from picking the children up unless there is a court order in place which puts a ban in place.

However, you don't know what the mother has given as a reason for the dad not being able to pick up. The school may well delay the dad and call the mum to let her know what is happening, which could lead to conflict.

3xcookedchips · 04/02/2015 20:03

Quiet, happy to be corrected if you can show me the paragraph in the Children's act 1989 where it says what rights the parents have.

Maybe you're confusing with PR, where both parents have the right to be consulted on schools, medical care, religion etc...

But we as parents do not have a right to see our children.

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