Advice on equity split in divorce settlement

[TiredAndConfused22]

Hi, my xh and I are negotiating on the financial settlement for our divorce, and he is offering to pay child maintenance at the rate set by the child maintenance service, plus enough additional 'spousal maintenance' to meet the gap between what I earn, cm and what I need (2 children at primary). Which is a relief.

BUT this only includes interest payments on the fairly large mortgage, rather than the full repayment amount. He has asked for 25% the equity, which he is willing to defer until kids leave school (or when I sell, cohabit, etc etc). Pension pot 50-50.

Does this sound fair? The context is that he is a very high earner, as is his new partner, whereas I work part time in a very low paid job so will not accrue much additional pension over the next 10 years or so until kids more independent. I don't really see how I can work full time, although I'd like to, as have no family support, he only has kids eow, and the after school club is full except for the 2 afternoons per week I already have. I didnt work for 5 years (joint decision), so find myself struggling in the job market since he left me (realised he was gay - about 10 years and 2 kids too late!). Therefore I dont want to sell me and the kids short. Should I be pressing for more?

Thanks in advance.

I am regarded as quite a high earner (10x more than husband) and our court order says I pay 5 sets of school/university fees for example. I think it depends what you mean by a very high earner £1m a year, £500k, £50k? It's all relative.

COuld he have the children very other week so you could work full time? I paid the full time cost of a nanny after our divorce as we both worked full time (£30k a year). If he is in my sort of league then no I don't think he's paying enough.

Well, varies depending on bonus but maybe £150k? Not '5 sets of school fees league' ;-) But more than most people I know would ever earn.

Sound fair in that context?

Have you taken legal advice on this?

It sounds as if your finances will be quite tight with little leeway in the event of a boiler breakdown, big problem etc.

How about if he continues to pay towards some of the repayment, with the idea that he will also get that extra amount of equity back at the time you sell up?

£150k is £7500 a month net of which presumably he will pay about 20% for the children £1500 which leaves him £6000 a month for his new mortgage and to pay you maintenance.

I think his offer on the capital is very fair 25% not 50% and 50/50 on pensions is fair too (we each kept our own pensions).

It is more a question of whether the interest on the mortgage is enough for any spousal maintenance which tends to be award for periods like 5 years whilst you get back to full time work/back on your feet etc. I was just reading an article actually on this topic by chance as I ate my lunch www.lawgazette.co.uk/law/legal-updates/spousal-maintenance/5046192.article

Do you know how much the mortgage interest is a month? He has £6k a month after tax left after paying for the children and he is going to pay mortgage interest but not capital. It may be he will not have enough if he pays the capital too but it depends on the amounts. You might get tax credits too by the way once he goes.

That's an interesting article, Fairy.

A key paragraph that stood out for me was:

'On the fourth point, and this is arguably one of the more significant points of his judgment, Mostyn J stated: ‘In every case the court must consider a termination of spousal maintenance with a transition to independence as soon as it is just and reasonable. A term should be considered unless the payee would be unable to adjust without undue hardship to the ending of payments. A degree of (not undue) hardship in making the transition to independence is acceptable.’

So it might be that the payments would not be awarded indefinitely, OP.

Are there any prospects for you in terms of retraining etc?

Yes, I think that is the trend. In fact what we had - clean break lump sum payment (from me to him) and no maintenance for either spouse is best psychologically. However if that isn't financially possible then maintenance for 5 years say is getting quite typical whilst people get used to full time work, share childcare, retrain etc.

Bear in mind that when the dc turn 18 that's the end of tax credits and any other benefits for you. If that's also the time when ex is entitled to his share of equity, then unless you have by then established yourself in work where you could buy him out, you will also have to sell your home.

will you realistically be able to re-house yourself on 75% of the equity? Will you be earning enough for a mortgage? Doing what?

and where will the DC be living at that stage? they will technically be adults, but in the modern world you cannot count on them being able to house themselves independently either.

Also aged about 13 children can choose where they live and a good few decide to live with their father not their mother which can also affect arrangements. Or mother has moved a new lover in whom they hate so they move to their father.

You need to take proper advice from a lawyer who specialises in family law. No-one on here can advise whether or not the current proposal is fair. A lawyer who is in full possession of the facts would be much better placed to help you.

Thanks everyone.

Flowerfairy, the interest is currently about 400 a month, though is linked to base rate so is only going to go up in the future. The additional spousal maintenance would be until youngest is 12 (and so can walk herself home from school I suppose?) as I could then more easily go full time. About 7 years away.

Think it's unlikely kids would go to live at their dad's as he is about 40 mins away and so would mean changing schools, but yes I agree that could happen if our relationship suffered during teenagedom. Eldest can be tricky as he is on the autistic spectrum (another reason it is difficult to envisage working full time for some time as he doesn't settle easily in childcare).

Traviata yes yes yes those are all the things I worry about all the time. No I couldnt rehouse on 75% of the equity, I would need a mortgage and that would be tricky at that age. I think I need to downsize but I can't get anything with 3 beds in my town unless either I had all the equity, or I take my 75% equity and he goes on a new mortgage with me. I think he would do that.

I definitely need to earn more. But how?? I know I'm in a much better position than a lot of women whose partners leave them, and it is my own silly fault for not having continued my pre- family career, but i do feel so trapped in this position. Kids attend a small village school where there are no childminders, just the fully booked after school club, no family support, eldest won't even go for tea at a friend's house without me due to anxiety/ASD. Ex cannot (will not) help out during the week due to his job not allowing it. I have thought about re-training in something like social work where there is no shortage of jobs, but how would I afford the fees, and the loss of income whilst I train, plus cover the kids?

Ok I'm ranting. I will stop now ;-)

I can't advise about the split sorry but I think you need to consider life changes that will set you up better for the future. Such as moving house and moving somewhere with better childcare options. It doesn't sound like staying put and continuing in a part time job is going to allow you to provide well for your dc and whilst your ex is doing his part it's very difficult for you to feather your own nest.

It's unfair that you're the one stuck scraping by when it was a joint undertaking for you to sacrifice career for sake of family. Surely you can come to a fairer arrangement that provides well for the dc but doesn't leave you in a shitty position?

Hi Zen, yes I think you're right. I have seen a 3 bed flat which is about 100k cheaper in my town. 3 bed houses wouldn't really get the mortgage down enought to warrant the cost/hassle of moving. Not that our current house is grand - 4 bed semi Victorian, but we're in expensive South East market town. I could move the kids' school to somewhere where there are childminders, but seriously if you had seen how long it took to get my ASD son settled at this one you'd understnad why I'm reluctant. He's now y2 and just starting to feel ok. Plus all the schools are full except the one 'sink' school the other side of town.

One option is to move to the town where my mum and sister live in Wiltshire where houses are slightly cheaper and I would have the back up if kids off sick etc but that would mean children travelling 2 hours to xh Friday and back again Sunday. Wouldn't get any help with regular childcare as mum is frail and fully occupied with my dad who has Alzheimer's.

I think in all honesty what xh has suggested is a 'fair' settlement for me. What I struggle with is that it will mean the children not having a parent around in the week if I go full time, and when between us there is about £9000 net per month coming in this seems unnecessary in the extreme. The vast majority of this will be in his pocket, seeing as I have been 'compensated' for my lack of earning ability by having more of the house equity. But me having equity doesn't benefit the children. My priority is being around for them as much as possible, but it will be to my longer term financial detriment.

I have taken advice from 2 solicitors but the first didn't inspire me with confidence as she suggested I would get spousal maintenance for life (which I understand to be ridiculous?) and described our current pension fund as not enought to 'put a lump of coal on the fire'. The one I went with in the end seemed ok but wasnt that interested. I suppose because we're planning to agree between ourselves and then get a consent order, they can see there's not much money to be had in our case?

Sorry, should add that if I downsize my xh's attitude is that would reduce my costs and so he would pay me less maintenance. Ok I could sit tight and get the bigger sum in a consent order and then move, but then I'd have to hope he was either willing to allow his equity to stay in another property or go in the mortgage with me. Having a boy and a girl I need 3 beds and there is just nothing I could afford on my own.

His spousal maintenance of £400 a month to pay the interest on the mortgage until the youngest child is 12 plus the 75% of equity and the child support is not unlike what a court might order in my view.

Children like to stay in their own house (which I managed because I work full time after our divorce) if possible and that's nicer than a flat. What about an au pair - they live in - you could share a room with one child and the au pair has yours or whatever; and the au pair gets them to school and back and does dinner (cannot remember if you have under 5s though) and get him to pay for that au pair. That might help you get full time work. I just think if children already have the difficult of parents splitting to lose their homes and possibly change schools is very unfair on them. If they can have stability for at least another 5 years in their current house you might find in 5 years' time you can get or have moved up to a better paid job which is full time and keep the house and perhaps even be able to remortgage when they are 18 to pay off your ex his 25% share of the house or you might have remarried or some into money on inheritance to pay off his 25% share and indeed some of the mortgage.

If your Y2 son has ASD I think you need to be a bit more cautious about agreeing for a phasing down of support - a NT year9 child may be capable of getting themselves to and from school allowing you to re-enter the employment market, but can you be sure that he will be?

The financial settlement also needs to take into account the fact that your earning power will be massively reduced by such a long time as a sahp. With a salary at that level he can afford to be properly generous.