To include non contact child in a will?

[toni74]

Hello

I'm after some general feedback about whether or not to include an adult child within a will when they maintain no contact with their parent.

Hus and I are finalising our wills (started early last year). During that time dh oldest son has continued to maintain no contact with us and is only in contact for things / info from us.

My hus has been questioning what to do this last year, so I just wondered what others might have done, can we make a provision for it (so a line is drawn underneath it) eg if contact is reestablished there would be a gift if it continues there is no gift. I'm asking as my dh keeps asking but I as it's been dragging out I want to get everything sorted and not have to come back again in a year or so to update or change a will again.

Please any suggestions would be great fully received. Just concerned we have outdated wills (for other non related reasons)

Tyia

I think a compromise would be to acknowledge in the will the difficulty and hurt that his NC has caused but to leave him a fair share of the estate anyway. "My relationship with X hasn't gone at all smoothly over the past xx years but I want him to know that I love him very much and I wish him all the best in life. I would like him to share x amount with his siblings."

I had a similar thing happen to me. My mother died when I was very young. Due to circumstances outside my control, it was very difficult to create a relationship with my maternal grandmother, although I did try. She cut me out of her will, and stated that she didn't want me in the family mourner's cars.

It was incredibly hurtful, and still upsets me know, years later. Don't do it.

I work in a job where I see people's wills regularly. I have seen many over the years specifically stating that they have deliberately not made provision for one of their adult children due to relationship breakdown / no contact. It's more common than you might think.

OP, was the relationship between the two good before your husband's marriage ended?

The impression I have from the Op is that she and her husband don't want to leave money to this child. I agree with everybody else that this is the wrong attitude for any parent to take. However if it is their attitude then they need to be frank with the solicitor so that is appropriately written in the will and not subject to challenge.

Don't do it though. I know somebody who has left equal shares in a considerable estate to their four children - despite having discovered one of the dc is not actually biologically theirs. That's unconditional parental love for you. The ex wife won't be getting anything though

I think it would be very difficult to codify this in a watertight way. Write it for what you want now and if contact resumes and you change your minds, change it or write a codicil.

My father was NC with us for a longtime due to an acrimonious divorce with my DM. He's used money to hurt us all the way through, from non-payment of maintenance, 'losing' money that was put in trust for us, and 'losing my DGFs will (which left sums to each if us). I did get in contact with him for a period of time, during which he refused to make any effort at all with our relationship. When he tried to involve me in a fight he was having with DM I realised I just didn't have the capacity to deal with him, and we've been NC for a year now.

He continues to put all the responsibility onto me for our relationship. I doubt very much I would be included in his will, regardless of contact levels tbh. He has a significant amount to pass on but I have no doubt I'll never see a penny. It hurts but I can't change him, and that's life I guess.