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Legal matters

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Original poster

Tell me EXH can't do this re DCs' inheritance

25 replies

TongueBiter · 15/01/2015 17:32

ExH has a grown-up child from his first marriage; 3 more with me.

His DF died, leaving a sum of money to 'our' 3 DC; none to child from ExH first marriage.

His DM died, leaving a not-inconsiderable sum to all four grandchildren (and had paid into a post office account for the first-marriage child for a number of years). I think ExH is the executor for this will - I am ordering a copy tonight.

My DD2 is approaching the age of being able to receive her inheritance. Apparently because ExH's eldest received nothing from the DGF, my ExH is 'telling' our dc that they 'have' to give £10000 each to her to make it fair.

Surely he cannot do this? Would it be illegal to even try to force them? I am not sure what happened when my DD1 had her inheritance - I will ask her later when I see her.

OP posts:

Nolim · 15/01/2015 17:36

I am no inheritance lawyer but i think your ex has the right to say whatever he chooses to. And your child has the right to totally ignore it.

VanitasVanitatum · 15/01/2015 17:39

He can say it, I think it's a hard position to put the child in however.

Also hard on his eldest though, why did his DF choose to exclude them?

VanitasVanitatum · 15/01/2015 17:40

*by he can say it I mean just that; he has absolutely no legal grounds whatsoever.

TheXxed · 15/01/2015 17:40

Did he leave the money to your ex husband with the hopes he will give it your 3 children? Or did he specifically leave the money to your children?

Greywackejones · 15/01/2015 17:44

It's irelevant. He can say what he likes. It's not enforceable. Only what is in the will is what will happen.

It's not his inheritance. He can bully the kids, but you will have to stand up to him and get legal opinion yourself.

I'm sorry. That's not more helpful

morethanpotatoprints · 15/01/2015 17:44

No they don't have to give anything at all, and if he is executor he has to follow the wishes exactly.
It is mean on the first child though and rather than make the others give something I would explain to them and hope they did it off their own back, iyswim.
You could ask them if they suggest, what sort of amount would be appropriate.
I know my dc would volunteer as they are all suckers for fairness

SurlyCue · 15/01/2015 17:47

No he cant force it but if it were my dcs I'd be encourging them to do it. Its pretty sucky that first grandchild was left out of the will. Is there any reason for it?

morethanpotatoprints · 15/01/2015 17:52

Have just reread and noticed child from first marriage is honoured? twice anyway.
There is money from PO account and the money that is shared between all four dc.
How is the first child left out.
It seems like df didn't leave any because dm had already done it in her will.

SurlyCue · 15/01/2015 17:58

How is the first child left out.

Its pretty sucky that first grandchild was left out of the will.

By being left out of the will, she was indeed, left out of the will.

GraysAnalogy · 15/01/2015 18:04

No can't enforce. If it's such a considerable sum though I'd be tempted (in my adult mind) to give the girl some though - just because I think it's awful she's been left out. However it's your DD's money so up to her and there's nothing wrong with her keeping it all.

Is there a reason why the other was left out OP?

Original poster

TongueBiter · 15/01/2015 18:05

Sorry, DF and DM were divorced.

First child got about 30-40k from DM - EXH wants the inequality of his DF's will rectified.

First child - grown up now - has her mum and stepdad both earning well, own house etc, whereas I have nothing to leave my kids when I die - and I don't see why they should sub first child to the tune of 30k between them.

First child excluded from will because he didn't get on with the mother or the child the mother recognised him for the pervy old man he was

OP posts:

GraysAnalogy · 15/01/2015 19:07

Ah I understand. Completely agree with you then.

And I'm of the mind that an inheritance is a bonus in life not a right, so how people think they can claim money from your child because of 'inequality' is silly really.

I do wish I had something to inherit. I think I'll end up with a caravan and a dog.

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 15/01/2015 19:09

I'm not a lawyer but I'm fairly sure that what the will says goes.

Unless he's planning on legally contesting it of course.

I'd be telling him to go whistle, frankly.

People have the right to decide what they want to happen to their money.

Those people made their choices.

Who is he to decide they didn't have the right to do that?

Brandysnapper · 15/01/2015 19:12

But all the dgcs got money from one will, and only 3/4 got it from the other will.

titchy · 15/01/2015 19:58

So, they're not dependents. If the first dc is likely to inherit from alternative sources it seems perfectly reasonable that the other three keep what they're getting to balance out their future lack of inheritance.

mumblechum1 · 16/01/2015 15:59

As others have said, there is no legal basis for your children agreeing to a variation of the will.

That's the point of making a will, to decide who YOU want to get your money (except when a dependent has been excluded of course!)

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 16/01/2015 16:05

Id be livid that he was putting that sort of pressure or request onto the kids. If your kids decided to share some of their inheritance, good on them, but I would never ask it of them.

Your kids are starting off in adult life. They probably need the monetary support.

At the end of the day a will is a will and DHs father may have had his reasons why he didnt leave a sum of money to DHs eldest - maybe he financially suppprted her when he was alive (that no one knew about) and feels shes had "her share"?

busyboysmum · 16/01/2015 16:09

Presumably he has inherited from his parents too. I'd suggest that he sorts out the discrepancy from his share.

LaurieFairyCake · 16/01/2015 16:12

Doesn't it mean though the the eldest can inherit from HIS side of the family? His mothers side which has nothing to do with your 3 children together?

What would happen if a grandparent on that side only honoured the eldest ?

DayLillie · 16/01/2015 16:27

I don't think there is any legal reason to force them to agree with this.

It should really have been dealt with with a variation of the DF's Will. Do you know why not and have you seen a copy - who else inherited?

I would also expect proper accounts from both wills to show where the money has gone and why. The DC should see and understand all this before they agree/disagree with what he wants to do.

TranmereRover · 16/01/2015 16:31

if your children wish to see their half sibling treated equally, they are perfectly entitled to rectify the imbalance without you or their father influencing them either way.
It sounds rather like you would push them not to.
Don't make it difficult for them if they wish to make things equal with their half sibling. YOur feelings / views don't really come into it. It's not your ;money.

Original poster

TongueBiter · 16/01/2015 20:39

My eldest did give £10k to EXH's first child.

It is absolutely their choice; unfortunately ExH is a practised emotional blackmailer and I want my dc to know that they do not have to do anything they do not wish to. His eldest is almost 30, contacts EXH pretty much only Christmas and birthdays, and makes zero attempt at maintaining a relationship with my DC. Because of the age differences, they were very much separate even when I was married.

OP posts:

clam · 16/01/2015 21:15

So, your ex did very little to facilitate a relationship between his children before, but now expects your dc to honour a relationship that's not really there?

Haffdonga · 16/01/2015 21:33

I was asked to do the same thing by my father in similar-ish circumstances. A quirk in a family trust meant I inherited much much more than the other beneficiaries. I shared my chunk out as my df requested so everyone got an equal amount. Though I really could have used that big chunk of money and the people I shared it with were much wealthier than me (and we weren't close), I have never regretted doing so. I don't think family relationships would have been quite the same if I hadn't. It was the fair thing to do and I can hold my head up when I see those people.

For me family and fairness is more important than cash.

Original poster

TongueBiter · 16/01/2015 22:01

Clam - succinctly put. Yes.

OP posts:

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