Ex Partner threatning court...long post

[dontknowwhatnametopick]

My ex partner and I split up in Feb this year after 6 years together. We spent the last 2 years together in seperate beds, no intimacy and loads of arguing. The house we lived in at the time his parents bought for us. We paid rent for 3 years and the hope was that we would get a mortgage to buy the house from his dad but obviously that didnt happen. When we split his folks said that my ex could keep the house on as long as our son (5) lived with my ex, as you can imagine I was having none of that so me and my son were given a dead line to be out of the property which nearly made us homeless.

I got a lovely flat for my son and I with a private letting agency which is long term. At the beginning my ex was seeing our son on a thursday and friday and bringing him home to me on a Saturday morning. As soon as I brought up the subject of maintenence my ex demanded that care was 50/50 which I stupidly agreed to. Things have been working out great for us all until the last week or two.

In April I started dating someone, I know lots of folk will think thats quick but like I said above there was no intimacy for 2 whole years! Anyway this guy I have been seeing is everything I look for in someone and I do see it going further, that has been 6 months now. I spoke to my ex telling him I had moved on and that one day I would like my son and this guy to meet, well all hell broke loose. He stood in my home telling me that there was no way I was going to play happy families with HIS son and that bastard! I asked my ex 3/4 times to leave my house.

Since this he has threatned to take me to court to get full custody of our son, I am panicking!

Has anyone been in this situation?

Been on the receiving end. Ignore ignore ignore. He won't get full residency and he has no say as to who your son sees when he is in your care unless there is a safeguarding issue. Do not discuss this with him and good luck.

ignore him. If he makes a court application, he will by directed to the fact that courts expect you to attend mediation together first. Then, he'll realise he has no rights over who you see or who 'his son' meets. He'll also discover that a court no longer talks about 'custody' - it would be a child arrangements order (thats after he discovers that legal aid doesn't exist anymore) and that courts operate a 'no order principle' and wouldn't make an order in your circumstances anyway.
Make sure contact is kept going and ignore anything else.
If you start getting solicitors letters, read them calmly and respond in a business like manner (solicitors write what they are paid to write) it would be ages before this would get to court, don't give him any unneccessary ammunition by cutting contact or anything silly.

I think what im more worried about is if my ex dont bring my son home after his days with him!

Unfortunately thats something that has to actually happen before its seen as a problem, until then its just an unsubstantiated, possibly said to you, risk.
If he did do this you would then be entitled to apply for an emergency order. Be careful that by frightening you he effectively makes you cut contact or start the court process yourself, as he hasn't actually 'done' anything in the eyes of the law yet.
Stay strong, perhaps if possible arrange to do pick ups yourself if hes been doing these, also, another thought is that he doesn't need to be entering your home (mine has stayed on the doorstep from day 1, then you can shut the door and not have to ask him to leave)
of course; the other way is not to introduce your son to your new partner yet, but then you are allowing your ex to dictate your life.

From the legal POV if both parents have Parental Responsibility they have the same responsibilities and rights to make unilateral day-to-day decisions such as who the children meet and delegating child care.
It's unlikely a court will disrupt children more than necessary by changing the established pattern of care a great deal unless there is independent professional evidence children aren't surviving satisfactorily.

However new partners are a potential minefield and some empathy and understanding doesn't go amiss. There are good reasons for putting off new partners and introducing them gradually and sensitively.

Children of separated parents need time to grieve for the loss of their parent's relationship and readjust to new routines before experiencing more changes to the family structure. Multiple changes to the family structure affects children's sense of security so the children are more likely grow up with low self esteem leading to behavioural and emotional problems in adulthood.

Some parents need time to come to terms with separation particularly if they are finding it difficult not seeing the children on a day-to-day basis, they feel they have been replaced by someone else and/or the decision to separate wasn't of their choosing. Very often the quick and insensitive introduction of new partners is the catalyst for high levels of parental conflict.

Good contact for children relies on parents working together, or at least not against one another. When there is no empathy and understanding between parents communication is distorted and problems can't be resolved constructively. A vicious cycle of provocation and retaliation develops to the detriment of children throughout their childhood.