Smacking

[astewart]

Massivley ashamed of this post, please dont judge.
A few weeks ago I hit my 12 yr ds. I dont have an excuse, we'd had an almighty row and that was the result, it wasnt hard, it was in the face and was enough to shock him.
Tempers were massively frayed.
I rang his school and immediatly admitted what I had done, they had a duty of care and given the circumstances surrounding our family decided not to report me, school had him call me and we both apologised.
DSs dad rang the police and reported me, SS investigated, im not sure what the outcome is as of yet however I have a child contact case coming up and STBXH is constantly referring to it and I know it will get brought up in court.

Does anyone know how the court would view this?

Are you being charged criminally for it? Assuming not, what is the current contact dispute? Eg does the father never see the child or do you have 50/50 currently or what is being applied for?

Also at 13 children generally have a big say in where they live. How much time does your son want to spend with each parent?

Im not being charged.
Currently the situation is this.
DS1 lived with dad but dad kicked him out so he could go on holiday, packed his bags and told him to be gone by tea time, even ringing school to tell them he wouldnt be in as he was ill.

DS2 and DD live with me, we live in different boroughs and I would struggle to get DS1 to school on time, anyway we managed, SS were involved anyway and told me to keep DS1 with me, if he was to return to dad there would be child protection issues.

School move was on the cards and all was well, dad was emailing DS1 telling him to ignore my DP and he would "be back for him soon" course DS took this advice on board and refused to follow any house rules etc, dad returned from holiday and it all kicked off.

Whilst dad was holiday on the advice of SS i gained a prohibited steps order as DS had told me dad had kicked him out, he was a bully and he was drinking heavily and he no longer cared for him since he had a new girlfriend. Hes now back tracked and said he lied, even though I have a text saying he was going to hang himself as he felt no one loved him.

When he was back from holiday he had the chance to attend court to defend the PSO but failed to turn up and emailed the court saying he "wasnt bothering". PSO still stands.
That week, cause dad was back DS1 refused to go to school, thats when it happened.
Dad has had nothing to do with the other 2 in over a year, his choice, SS tried to put some interim conatct in place but he refused it and never showed up.

I am aware that DS1 does want to live with dad, he hates my DP with a passion, mainly because of what dad has told him, but its just not good for him.
DS1 is currently staying with grandparents so he can get to school on time etc, he seems to have settled there.

DS is fine with me on occasion although we are both aware he likes to play us off against each other massivley. Hes just rung me at work and called me an effing slag down the phone, his dad was highly amused by it when I told him.

Im probably just going to have to accept that although I want whats best for him, if he wants to be with dad, then maybe he should be.

It sounds really awful for you all the boy seems to like living with his grandparents. It might be that staying with them is the best solution for everyone particularly if both the boy's parents pay towards the cost of that.

Managing difficult behaviour is an essential part of parenting. The authorities recognise that tired or stressed parents can lose control and can do or say something they regret. Legally mild smacking a child is permitted as reasonable chastisement as a defence. If the smack was once off and you have shown remorse it's unlikely to cloud the court's view very much.

The issue of where your son wants to live is more complicated to resolve. If there is evidence the father is entitled and abusive then it is child protection issue and it's difficult to see how living with him would be in your son's interests. On the other hand forcing a thirteen year old to live with you against his wishes could encourage unwanted and risky behaviour such as running away.

If your son seems settled with his grandparents and gets to school on time perhaps staying there might be a long term solution. Social services may then be able to offer some support to get your relationship with your son back on track.