Can he keep them?

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Heya, long story short me and exp have been separated since our youngest was 3 weeks old. Dc are now 4 and 3 and after three long years of him working out his alcohol and drug problems/us working out our differences/kids finally getting to know him from start of this year, they are to be having their first holiday/unsupervised visit with him.

He lives in a different part of the uk to me so we are meeting halfway. Although now we are on good terms, quite friendly and he has a job/pays maintenance/is good with the children and keeps in regular contact, I'm terrified he won't give them back at the end of the week.

He's constantly said he would never do that, and to an extent I trust him. He's back to the man I fell in love with (though we no longer have those feelings for each other, but he is essentially a good man now and that's what matters for the children). We don't have a residency order or anything legal in place, aside from emails between me and him stating that I won't stop him having contact with him and he won't "kidnap" them.

But if he changes his mind and tries to keep them, will the law let him? Will I lose my children? I'm terrified of this but I don't want to stop the children seeing him because he's proved himself to be a good father. Guess I'm just looking for my mind to be put at ease.

TIA

(Originally posted in loan parents but no reply)

The best way to put your mind at rest would be to formalise the arrangements so that the law would be on your side if he did fail to return them.

Would we have to go to court to formalise it? He was never interested in contact when there was drink involved so there was no need to go to court. I just don't want to cancel this visit to him as the kids and him have been looking forward to it for over a month now

You don't have to, but you can do.

I am not a lawyer, I cannot stress that enough. I am in no way trying to give you legal advice, I only know (or think I know!) what I've read which is that unless something formal is in place, if both parents have parental responsibility then in theory either can say the kids are staying here and then it becomes a battle.

If you are anxious, then making it formal would help you to feel better. And if you feel like he would be difficult about it, then I suppose you could say it's just so you both know where you are or even say that the schools or doctor like to know who has primary custody or something.

If you need to know the law, then you should take advantage of those free 30 min sessions many lawyers give and get your mind put at ease.

There is a no order principle so that the courts won't make a Child Arrangement Order unless having an order is better for a child. That means it can be difficult formalising arrangements unless there is a dispute.

In any case a court order wouldn't necessarily stop someone from keeping a child. However regardless of whether there is an order or not if a child isn't returned it is possible to apply to the courts as an emergency and the case can be heard 24/7 within a matter of hours if necessary.

Thanks STIDW and Vital, hope it doesn't come to needing any sort of court involvement. It's just a big worry for me and I needed to know what would happen if he refused to return them