Abusive Ex seeking court order can I hide?

[pod3030]

Ex was psychologically abusive in the extreme, also to our daughter, 3, who displayed awful behavioural problems because of his controlling abusive ways. I have moved hoping he'd not find us but unfortunately he got his solicitor to send a letter to my solicitor who I'd asked to help with a non mol. I have no faith in the system since the police believed him in a harassment case, he is narcissistic and they said he came across as affable and friendly. I know this to be his mask,behind which he is cruel for his own entertainment. I want to change my name, hide, and not go to court. Is this possible? I can't think of anything else to protect my daughter . I am beside myself, having given up my home, friends, livelihood, school place, etc

In a word, no.
The court can use the power of the state to find you, though it won't impart the information to him.
If you ignore the proceedings you'll only seriously annoy the court and start off on the wrong foot.

My solicitor can be instructed not to accept the letter.

But in the end the court can find you. By hiding, without the supporting evidence of a non molestation order, you'll be painted in a bad light. You can't avoid this I'm afraid.

Then we may as well be dead, because he will take her identity and turn her into an object just like he did me, and his abuse can't be stopped, there's no hope for us as far as I can see, if I am really backed into a corner. In an earlier thread when I described my situation I was advised to run, change my name. The situation really is that desperate. He has ruined our lives, and the lives of my parents who are shadows of themselves.

So what's happened?

I think you were badly advised and shouldn't make decisions based upon what you read on an internet forum. YOu can't ignore court proceedings and it is in your and your child's interests to attend court and provide evidence of your ex's behaviour. If there is evidence of DV you may be entitled to legal aid and a family solicitor would be the best person to advice where you stand and what options there are in your particular case.

advise even

There is only my word- that is the evidence. That he raped me shortly after the birth of dd, that he stopped me from going to her when she cried because he was number one in the household, that he put her in danger and at risk ,time after time, often on purpose, let her put skunk in her mouth like it was a game. All these things happened behind closed doors, are only my word against his. I was all prepared to go to court but after seeing his performance at the police station I realise I am no match. I am a hysterical woman, intent on revenge. He is a poor wronged dad.calm, affable, slightly bumbling. It's all an act and I can't act on that level, I can only be myself- a frightened mother needing to protect her baby, crying uncontrollably . I am alone.

Bumping. I've had to go ahead with court , I felt bullied into it by my solicitor.

In the same way that a starving person may be bullied in to eating, I suppose.

How condescending collaborate , we are all waiting here, trying to enjoy dd while we still can, as if she has a terminal illness. I thought I was free of him. Now he is connected to me again, telling me what to do and how to think. This isn't some faceless 'case', this is real people's lives, a little innocent girl that I have given everything up for to protect. I'm sick to death of being told what to do, how to behave, I had five years of it and now it seems it will continue. I have no faith in the system, I don't believe it's on anyone's side but its own.

Collaborate is simply making the point that if you don't go to court it will be much worse for you. The courts would catch up with you and would take a dim view of your actions meaning your chances of getting the outcome you want would be even further reduced. Your solicitor has therefore "bullied" you into doing what is best for you and your daughter.

Hiding from the courts would have been a big mistake.

You need to work through this and let the courts decide after reports etc. You both are the child's parents and the courts will have the interest of the child at heart.

I am afraid collaborate is right. If you come across as extreme and to be frank, talk the way you have written in this thread, then I am concerned court may not go as you hope.

You need to be calm. Record everything you have written here. Ask for statements from your parents. Demand any contact is in a centre. He will have to prove himself.

You don't have to have contact with him. It can be arranged in court and you don't have to enter back into a relationship with him.

You say your dd had awful behavioural problems, did you get any professional help with this? You sounds extremely stressed, understandably so, have you sought any professional help for yourself?

IMHO, you should try to get the help of psychologist's reports, etc.

Don't dispair, OP. Have you tried getting in touch with Womens Aid?

And tbh pod
A. I think it's awful you would liken it to your daughter having a terminal illness. Not really is it?

B. He is connected to you. You have a child together.

pod I feel for you, I know what its like to feel desperate to protect your children and scared authorities won't believe you, especially art emotional/psychological abuse and narcissits.
Hiding from it isn't an option obviously but having a child with an abuser does not connect them to you , you have suffered from the abuse you endured which is totally understandable. Could women's aid give you some advice?

You need to ring womensaid for advice. I'm worried for you, you sound so desperate. Do you have anyone you're still in touch with since moving to get away from your ex? Any real life support?