Court Order/Contact/Travelling.

[colacubes1]

Following on from my previous thread about my Court Hearing today...

The Judge toady decided to keep the pattern of care roughly as it is. EOW Fri from school- Mon morning with ex and he got one midweek day from school until 7pm a week. So 3 nights a fortnight plus two tea times. His Barrister argued and argued for more and wanted the old pattern of 50:50 full alternate weeks back. Judge said no as he hasn't been meeting child's needs and keeps taking our child to school late.

Judge then said that as I had pretty much got what I had asked for (what he got is what I proposed) that I will be the one to do the travelling the one evening a week ex has our child for tea. The issue is that ex drives and I don't. Ex has no other children and I have a baby under one and a partner who also doesn't drive and works evenings. It's a bus ride to ex's house albeit only a 15 min one, it's winter and will be raining/snowing/freezing, he lives down a dark lane with no lights AND it's about a 90min round trip. We won't be back until 7:45 :( whereas my Ex can do the drive in 7mins door to door so 14 min easy round trip for him. I said to the Judge all the above and he said it was tough- I got the pattern I wanted so I facilitate it.

I just don't understand. Ex wanted the midweek days to be overnights and the Judge said absolutely no way given that he refuses to make the effort to get our child to school. So because he can't be arsed to be a decent after and to make an effort for school and can only have our child for tea not overnight I must do the travelling.

It's an interim CAO for 3/4 months until Cafcass reports come back. Does anyone think this is fair or right and do you think it will continue? I jut don't see how it's possible. Baby goes to bed at 6:30 and will be screaming the entire time, our child usually in bed by 7pm but won't even be home until 7:45. Do disruptive and difficult for what could be a quick drive for the lazy selfish. In fact why would he want his kids travelling on buses in the cold at night when he could drive. Selfish.

Excuse typos, damn phone.

"Today the Judge" not "the Toady Judge"

I have no idea whether it's fair or right, but it's what the judge ordered. Given your dc is of school age, and it's a 7 minute drive each way, have you spoken to local cab companies about a contract deal, where they take and return dc without you? They may have CRB checked (or whatever the current designation is) drivers who do the school run anyway, a fiver or so each way would be worth the hassle you save yourself travelling 90 mins (I assume because of timetables?) with a howling baby. Unless finances are really tight, of course. :(

Thank you. I hadn't thought of that, in fact I didn't know there were can companies who were registered to carry children alone. I will make some enquiries later today.

Yes it's because of the bus timetable. 90 mins is getting the right bus both ways as they are infrequent. If I kids one or ex is messing around and delays the other end it will be 2hrs. Shows what sort of a dad and person he is knowing he could easily drive and it be simple and quick.

Agree taxi - you (or a babysitter?) may have to travel with her if you can't get a DBS checked driver, or maybe a child minder or neighbour would be happy to earn a few quid each week ferrying? And if you have to travel a babysitter for half an hour to look after your little one.

Thank you for your suggestions..

I think ex may make a fuss and refuse to let her go if I send a taxi to collect her (to be an awkward idiot and make issues rather than genuine concern).

Unfortunately we don't have anyone local who can help even to sit with baby. I could get a taxi with the baby of course, we don't have a car seat but I bet the taxi company do. It will be about £14 return. Ex has been known to make me wait outside for 20/30mins too so at least this would mean we are in the warm car waiting

Hopefully if the CSA/CMS sort their stuff out he might pay some child Maintenance which can help cover these weekly taxi trips to facilitate his tea time contact

The bottom line is that if it is ordered you should keep to it. If you don't you will be breaking the court order.

If you can't/won't your options are to a) go to court for a variation or b) appeal if you think you will win. Those are `theoretical' options however. I would strongly advise you not to follow either of them.

Instead it may be worth considering going with the order as unpalatable as it is for the moment until the next hearing to change things. In the meantime gather evidence (evidence...not opinion, witness statements or you just detailing how it is unpractical it is).

Cheers lostdad. I know I have to just deal with it for now. I'm not going to appeal or apply for a variation, I don't want to put the Judge offside as so far I've managed to get (mostly) what I've wanted. The Judge was very understanding, listened and acknowledged my issues about public transport and the evening return journey every week and said "tough, he can't have her overnight as he doesn't get her to school on time so you'll have to work around it- the baby has a Father doesn't it, so he can't look after him whilst you get the bus!"

My worry is that if I make it happen, pay for cabs, have late bedtimes, grumpy children the next day etc then it will be seen as all ok to continue. It's hard to explain but it's absolutely awful for me to have to do- especially in winter. I feel like I'm being punished for his failings as a parent. If he wasn't such an idiot he could have her overnight like her wanted and like his Barrister fought so hard for yesterday and I wouldn't have to do the journey.

I thought it was usually the non resident parent who was told to do the travelling- or at least half each. Not the non driver resident parent. Crazy.

does not seem right but that is what you will have to do. do record though if ex makes you late returning home and you miss the bus.

put baby in the pushchair and they can sleep there.

get a taxi back from ex's to reducethe cost.

There is no fast rule about who does the travelling. Each case is treated separately and it isn't uncommon for the travelling to and from contact to be shared. IT's unlikely either parent will get all they want if they can't agree arrangements for children between themselves and involve the courts.

It sounds tbh like an attempt to keep the father on side - so it doesn't get interpreted that you got everything all your way. Although it's bloody annoying when actually it's the child who suffers the consequences just so you look like you're equally 'suffering' with him for not having got the extra contact he wanted.

And yes, not your fault, all HIS fault, the child gets stuffed with the mess of it all as a result and this seems to be a frequent flier with family courts. Practically it seems a ridiculous decision.

"Shows what sort of a dad and person he is knowing he could easily drive and it be simple and quick."

Have you actually asked him?

This was discussed at Court. Judge said he should have some misdeed contact. His Barrister said he wanted overnights midweek. Judge said no way. His Barrister said well if it's not overnights then his client is not willing to do any travelling and that he knows I don't drive so kids would have to get the bus. Judge said ok, Cola will do the travelling. I objected, Judge listened said tough. Ex smugly grinned knowing it's a damn crappy thing to do to me and his own child.

So I guess the answer is no, I didn't ask him directly, but we don't speak directly and his Barrister spoke for him. It's now in a Court Order so I can't ask him again now even if I wanted to.

Thanks for clearing that up.

:) BBJ