Court order

[tvnp]

Hello there, hoping someone might be able to advise or point me in the right direction.

My GF's sister X is a divorced mother of two, with a court order giving her former partner Z access one weekend in two. It was a messy split and Z's been playing silly beggars for years, as far as I can gather.

X's sibling is getting married in a few weeks time (not my GF, I'm pleased to say ) and the wedding falls on a weekend that Z is due to have the kids. He is refusing to let them attend.

What is the best way to proceed here? Clearly X isn't the first woman with need to alter the dates on which her former partner has custody. And surely if he is given advance notice and alternative dates, there's not much he can complain about?

Any help would be gratefully received. My law degree is about two decades out of date, and online resources haven't been of much assistance - I can't give much in the way of extra detail, but do of course understand that were X to challenge Z she would best be advised to seek proper legal advice. I just need to know that orders such as this can be amended due to family events.

Thanks, and many of them, in advance.

If this message would have been better posted elsewhere, apologies and fingers crossed the mods might help

What you should have said was, 'Clearly X isn't the first parent with a request to alter dates on which the former partner has the kids.'

This is a common problem, and where parents are reasonable it isn;t really a problem.

Given there is a court in place and there isn't a specific paragraph specifying what happens with family events, all you can hope to do is appeal to his better nature, and maybe point out there may be occasions he would like similar flexibility, in a nice way of course.

There's nothing you can do if he wants to dig his heels in because he can come up with a spurious reason why it cant happen, i.e. a clash with his plans, or he doesn't have to have a reason at all.

Yup, it's shit.

Even if your law degree was up to date it wouldn't really help you.

fyi. custody is now an outdated term that gave way to residency that gave to 'living with' as of April, this year.

If your GF sister wants to push it she could either, try to apply for the permission of the Court if the children are close to their aunt and if missing the wedding would be against their best interests, or she could simply tell him they will not be available that weekend and he can have them the weekend either side. If he would be likely to take her to Court for breaking the order then I would not recommend this (I wouldn't advise it at all really but it is what I would do and have done in the past with a particularly awkward father) It would be likely that the Court would frown upon a father making his children miss such an event because it is not in their best interests but that could not be guaranteed.

For the future the mother could take the matter to Court and ask for something to be inserted to cover such events.

Only she knows what the likely outcome would be with regards to the father were she to break the order.

Hang on - every weekend of the year many many parents just don't show up or don't make the children available. I would have thought the practical answer is take them to the wedding and make them available immediately after it. I doubt a judge would imprison the mother for that one occasion.

Unilaterally changing arrangements would be opening a can of worms. Z may feel he doesn't need to stick to the terms of order if Y doesn't leading to high levels of ongoing conflict which is very damaging emotionally to children. It could also make a judge's job choosing between two versions in any future court proceedings very difficult.

Parental Responsibility really means parents need to agree a change of arrangements between themselves, comply with the terms of the order or apply to court for a Specific Issue Order to resolve the matter.

Thanks all - and yes, Chips, I certainly should have said "parent".

As I understand it, he's very likely to use any breach in future. I have to admit, I thought Greengrow's solution would have been very much a last ditch option, but given his propensity for messing her around already, it sounds like it's best avoided. Short of, as Chips suggests, pointing out he might like the same flexibility afforded him, it seems it's either court or the kids missing out.

Thank you all for taking the time. Appreciate it