What would Happen to dc if I die?

[Ididntseeitsoitdidnthappen]

I have a DC who has regular contact with their father who lives several hours away. I'm remarried.

I categorically do not want my child moved from their family and life here in the event I died prematurely and ideally would want my sister or parents to take them on.

How do I make provision for this?

There is no property in the marriage as we live in a house owned by a relative of DH and no other considerations to be made that I can think of other than I will get a substantial death in service payout from work - again which I want to go to DC not DH and a small pension which would pay funeral costs.

I'm not planning on dying any time soon but very poor health has put things into perspective for me

Thanks

You can make a will naming a guardian or guardians for your child in the event of your death. If your ex applies for residence the courts would look at the best interests of your child. They will take your will into account as it shows your wishes but it is not binding on them.

If the death in service benefit distribution is determined by trustees you need to complete an expression of wish form telling them what you want to happen. They are not bound to follow your wishes but would normally do so unless they believe there are good reasons not to. If the death in service benefit forms part of your estate and the distribution is not determined by trustees it would be distributed in accordance with your will.

Thank you

Is the death in service stuff something I deal with through work or through a will?

It depends on the nature of the scheme. I would expect a death in service scheme to be written in trust (which means trustees decide how it is distributed) so that it does not form part of your estate. If that is the case you should have been given an expression of wish form to fill in. You can change it at any time.

If it is not written in trust it will be dealt with in accordance with your will.

Your HR department should be able to advise.

sadly Your EX having regualuer contact will push the courts to more likely favour him getting residence of his biological children if he requests / wishies it and the courts can and do set aside that aspects of wills if the EX partner is suitable (aka not a sex offender / in jail etc)

Rather then going to an aunt or grandparent or named friend etc if the father is willing and able to look after the children.

Even if that means total upheaval for the child?

Wow!

Well if you die it's going to be total upheaval for child whatever happens.

But most important thing is to make a will naming legal guardians, otherwise you have no say in what happens.

That's what I'm in the process of sorting out

I can see it both ways, TBH. If you were to die, the upheaval for your DC will be awful no matter what. And, from your XP's perspective, I would want to be the one caring for my DC, rather than the step-parent you (but not XP) chose for DC.

Tbh id want my sister to take dc on as DH has a habit of squandering money and finding solace in the bottom of a wine bottle when he's upset

I spoke with DH briefly about writing a will and he said 'I'd be stupid to put the money into dc's name as he'd need money to bring them up' which is fine but give him £100k and after a year I can bet it would all be gone.

So can I put it in trust for dc? Assuming they stay put ex would still have to pay maintenance and DH on a single income would be eligible for tax credits and child benefit and in a year or so time DC won't need childcare.

Don't get me wrong I love DH and he's a great co-parent but I think he'd make a shit lone parent if it were under those kind of circumstances

Because he's a bully

I'm a single parent and my sister and her husband are named in my will as DS's guardians if I die. My estate will go into a trust which will be administered by my solicitor so that my sister won't be out of pocket bringing him up but not allowing her to spend it on fancy holidays (not that she would but better to plan these things!) and then DS will inherit the bulk when he's an adult

There's a solicitor on MN who does wills :)

My will leaves my money in trust to dd if I die before she is 18. The person I have named as her guardian is not a trustee. I was advised to do it that way to avoid any potential conflict of interest. The trustees could, of course, give money to the guardian if she needed it to bring up dd.

You really need to speak to a solicitor, ask all these questions, and get a properly drafted will.

When I divorced my solicitor said we could not provide that the youngest children would not be with their lawyer if I died (in my new will) but we have got a Letter of Wishes which is kept with the will and commonly entered into. They set out the preferences (that the younger children be kept with their adult siblings). In practice now they are teenagers I doubt there would be any issue over it and their father woudl be content they continue their routines. They live here with me and two adult siblings anyway.

However put the boot on the other foot - isn't the law fair - that if say a father died the chidlren move to live with the mother? Most of us mothers would think that right so why not when the genders are reversed?