Child's father a sec offender - wants visitation rights!!

[SingleMummy1989]

Ok this is a bit of a long shot but hoping someone out there has some above and can make me feel a bit more at ease.

I should probably explain from the beginning..

So last year I had a brief fling with a guy I met online, we only met twice and I fell pregnant. Not the smartest move I know but I was prepared to live up to my responsibilities. Obviously not knowing the father too well I informed him as soon as I took the test as I knew we'd only have 9 months to work something out.

He told me he wasn't ready to be a father and wanted me to get an abortion. I told him the decision was ultimately down to me and he said he'd get back to me the following week after thinking about things. He never did.

16 weeks pregnant, I text him to see why he hasn't been in touch. I get short arsey replies and was at that point sure he didn't want to be involved.

7 months pregnant, he texts to ask of he can call me. I say yes, he doesn't call.

8 months pregnant, he texts to say he wants to be involve and can we talk. I give him one final chance and we spoke on the phone. He wanted to be there at the hospital an come stay with me for two weeks and take paternity leave. This is a guy I'd not seen for 9 months and had only met twice! I told him it was all too much and I wasn't comfortable letting a stranger into mine and my child's life. I asked he give me time to figure things out and I'd be in touch when I was ready.

2 days before I go into labour, I'm contacted by the police informing me he is a sex offender and has a conviction relating to child sex offences. This was then referred to social services who opened a case against my unborn child.

A week later, a few days after having my son I finally got in contact with social services. They told me my child would be at risk around this man and so for his protection, and my own I told them I would not be putting him on the birth certificate or having any contact with my child. They were happy I was doing every thing in my power to protect my child and closed the case.

My son is now 10 1/2 months old, and last week I had a call from mediation saying his father had gone to them to try and arrange contact. What!? I asked if they knew why he wasn't allowed contact and they didn't, he couldn't even be honest with them! They told me he now has the right to go to a solicitor and get a court order. (Since when do peadophile a have rights!?)

I straight away got in touch with social services and the police. Social services were happy to not get involved as I said I am still not allowing contact. The police (officers working with the father who know about his case) say they don't know what he's playing at and he doesn't stand a chance of getting contact. Both also advise me to seek legal advice.

Today, I went to see a solicitor. The solicitor has informed me he can get a court order and I'll receive a letter with a date do a hearing if this happens. They'll then refer it over to cafcass for an assessment, on myself aswell! But ultimately there is a chance he could be granted supervised contact!

Why!? Just why!? I carried my child for 9 months. I worked my back side off getting in as many xtra work hours as I could to buy everything I needed for a new baby, whilst doing 2 full time college courses. I endured 48 hours of excruciating pain to bring him into this world. And I've spent the last 10 1/2 months loving, caring and providing for my child all by myself. So what gives his 'sperm donor' the right to expect to disrupt my sons life and walk in like he's a doing father? Why would any judge allow a peadophile anywhere near a child!?

Anyone know what the chances are of him having contact?
Where do I stand, I do not want this monster anywhere near me or my son.
Oh and to top things off I can't get legal aid.
But I will fight him to the end and do absolutely everything in my power to protect my son, over my dead body will he get contact!
I can't help but be terrified of the possible outcome,, so if anyone has been in, or knows of a similar situation any knowledge or advice would be great!

How scary for you. I hope that the judge sees sense and he doesn't get anywhere near your son.

1. It may not be true.
2. He may have slept with a girl of 15 when he was 16 - you need to know exactly what he did before you deny your child a father.

I'm no expert but if he's not on the BC I don't think he can do much.

I think if it was something like sleeping with a minor when he thought they were older, he would have made that clear

Sorry Greengrow misread your post.

I double the police would have contacted the op while she was pregnant if he was interested in 15 year old girls. They obviously saw a need to protect the child from birth.

In the initial stages, indirect or supervised contact could certainly be a possibility. Courts would argue that the child would not be at risk of harm if visits are supervised.

Although he is not on the BC now, it would be a straightfoward process for him to apply for PR via a court. It is very rare for PR not to be awarded once paternity is proven, although child sex offences might be one reason, but it wouldn't automatically preclude it.

Courts are interested in the rights of the child rather than of the parents - they believe that all children have the right to know where they come from and to develop a relationship with both biological parents. Children who are insecure about their natural parentage and heritage tend to grow up with low self esteem leading to emotional and behavioural problems later on.

Just to state, I am aware of the offence. He knowingly engaged in a sexual relationship with a 13 year old girl. I've been advised by the police and social service from day one it's in my child's best interest for him not to have any contact.
And I don't want to confuse or disrupt my child's upbringing. We are perfectly happy and he has many male role models around him. The last thing of ever want to do is deny my child a father, but I do not want a sex offender anywhere near him whether he shares the same DNA or not.

How old was he when he had a relationship with a 13 year old girl?

He may have slept with a girl of 15 when he was 16
Consent age laws are not there to stop consensual sex between teenagers who are close in age; there would be no prosecution in the case of a 15 and 16 year old having consensual sex. The laws are there to stop adults having sex with younger teenagers.

Bear in mind that there are different types of contact that the court can order. One type is 'letter box contact' whereby you might be required to write to your child's father once or twice a year and he is permitted to write to your child. It is then up to your child to read the letters when he is old enough and to make contact of his own volition later in life.

Still not ideal from your perspective, I know, but just because the court may decide to explore the idea of contact does not mean your child will be left alone in his father's presence.

Not good. However that was a girl post puberty. That is a very different sexual interest than wanting to have sex with your own child when a baby. I am not convinced this man should be kept away from his own child just for that.

If the father isn't on the birth certificate he doesn't have Parental Responsibility and he needs permission from the courts to apply for a contact order. Having said that permission is likely to be granted - everyone has the right to a fair hearing. Ultimately a court is responsible for independently reviewing the evidence from witnesses such as the police and social services and determining a way forward.

As cottonstripes said it's the right of children to know and see both their natural parents even if the parent's behaviour leaves much to be desired by most people's standards. When courts investigate any evidence of risk of harm from the behaviour is balanced against the harm children suffer when they don't know a parent and are insecure about their identity.

However the paramount concern is the welfare of children. When there is evidence of high risk (e.g. criminal convictions for serious assaults) it's unlikely a court will order any direct contact at all. IF the risk is lower measures such as indirect or supervised contact may be considered to ensure contact is safe.

Be very, very careful about fighting and doing everything in your power to prevent contact "over your dead body." You may be expected to facilitate contact so a proper assessment can be done and if you are perceived to be unreasonably hostile against contact it clouds the issue and won't help your case. On the other hand you (and your child) could be in a better position if you work with the authorities and reasonably argue for safe contact.

I can't see how this can benefit the child having a relationship with this man. This isn't about the child it's about the parent and it should only be about the child.

I am quite shocked that someone who has had sex with a 13 year old should be given the benefit of the doubt to see their child. Yes, he may be male and yes he may be a baby but quite frankly this man is obviously not a suitable role model/parental figure for any child regardless of their age and sex. I certainly wouldn't want this man anywhere near my children regardless of the offence, the point being there was an offence committed. OP - I strongly recommend that you take some advice from a solicitor, perhaps via Citizens Advice before this goes too far and starts to disrupt the life of your son. Good luck.

I get people are probably going to have mixed opinions but my concerns rest solely with the welfare of my child.
He was 20+ when this incident happened, he was an adult. He took advantage of a child once, who is to say he wouldn't do it again? I'm all for second chances but some things just can't be justified.
This is already having a knock on effect on my son. It's causing me huge amounts of stress and he's clearly picking up on the negative energy. He's generally a very happy baby, and this last week he's been very restless, clingy, not eating and waking all through the night.
He's a mummy's boy through and through and doesn't settle well for anyone other than me, even close family members. So he would never settle for a stranger in a strange environment if it came to him having supervised contact. And as a mother, the thought of having to hand my child over to strangers (I met his dad only twice!) is devastating!
I never ever wanted to deny my child a father, and from day one I've always said I'll be 100% honest with him who his father is and why he never had contact, and when he was old enough to think for himself if he wanted to know who his father was I would tell him.
Just to add to the story... Me an the father had some contact via text yesterday in which he became intimidating, abusive and threatening. I've reported this to the police who have logged it as a domestic incident. Only makes me more determined to keep a person like that well away from my child.

But, and it's a big but, if indirect contact or supervised contact in a contact centre is deemed appropriate there won't be an opportunity for the father to harm your child.

The importance courts attach to contact shouldn't be underestimated. Judges receive training on child welfare issues and hear evidence from child in public cases from child psychiatrists and psychologists that based on research it is usually in a child's best interests to see and know both parents. Children who are insecure about their natural parents and identity tend to grow up with low self esteem leading to emotional and behavioural problems later. That means it is quite rare for no contact to be granted. Sadly there are consequences to having a fling and it isn't possible to completely erase one of a child's parents out of their lives.

YOu are entitled to your opinion of course. By all means argue (or lawyers can argue on your behalf) that contact isn't in the interests of your child, but if after weighing up all the evidence the court doesn't agree a judge's ruling is the only opinion that is binding. Having the attitude "over my dead body" and being perceived as unreasonable isn't going to help you or your child. You need to focus on the facts and evidence rather than your belief.

A couple of years ago someone asked on the internet if courts really send mothers to prison. She hadn't complied with the court and refused to take a very young child to supervised contact. After disappearing for 14 days apparently she had been sent down for contempt of court. The sad thing was had to still comply with the court so investigations could be carried out but she was vindicated and the court made a no contact order. So she had spent 14 days in prison for nothing.

Imagine growing up as a child knowing that the only reason it's safe for you to see your dad is supervised contact because he isn't safe to be with you alone. That would fuck you up more that just being brought up by a single mum! Being a child of a single parent family isn't in any way bad either like some posters are implying!

My thoughts exactly, just because he doesn't have a father in his life doesn't mean he's going to have any problems in his future. I have friends who have never known their biological fathers and they've turned out just fine. I do not want to raise my son in an environment surrounding social services. As far as I'm concerned there's more to being a father than having a few supervised visits. That is no upbringing for a child. I've done my damned hardest to raise my child for the last 11 months and everyone comments and how much of a happy and content baby he is. My love for him is extremely difficult to describe in words. He is my life and what I live for and I want only what's best, and a life with partial contact with a man he's never met and will never for that reason be able to build a strong relationship with, is not the life I want for him.