help me help my son = domestic violence

[fromdaddywithlove]

It has been confirmed by police records and cafcas report that when my son(8) is home with his mother, he is seeing domestic violence.

Due to my son not receiving any of the violence, only seeing it, cafcas feel he should continue to live there.

My son is too scared to go home, he says he hides in his bedroom and gets really scared. I asked why he didn't tell cafcas how he really feels about it and he said his step dad would be really cross and tell him off if he told anyone, including me. He said they have made him say things like he wants to stay with them and that he never sees them fight and they are always happy but then did 'let it slip' that he does in fact see stuff but not enough for the 2 cafcas officers to

What do I do now? My solicitor has said it is near impossible to change a judges mind and 99% of the time they will go with what the cafcas recommendations are.

I am so scared for my son, im in a panic and do not know what to do. has anyone been in a situation like this before or have any advice please?

I'm so sorry to hear this, and didn't want to read and not reply. Hopefully someone with experience will be along soon, but have you spoken directly to the Cafcas officers yourself about this?

hello. I have spoken to them and they have said is to bring it up at the next hearing, I felt as though they are not interested due to my son telling them what he had been told to say. he had been in tears in last contact and feel I have filed as a father to him as I cannot find a way out. Thank you for your post.

Are the school aware? They can often provide counselling services where your son may feel able to open up. If a professional was then reporting to SS and cafcass then things may well change quickly.

Your poor son

I'm sorry, I know nothing about the legal side of this, but I want you to know that it can be okay. As a child, I often witnessed domestic violence, it was horrible at the time, BUT, now I'm an adult in a happy, healthy marriage and I rarely think about the horrible bits of my childhood. I know that probably doesn't help right now, because you're stuck Ina hideous situation.

Call cafcas as soon as you can and get some advice. Would the NSPCC helpline be of any use? Sorry, Minot an expert but I know knowledgable posters on this site have suggested them before for situations such as this.

Best of luck.

Speak to Social Services. Your son is being emotionally abused. NSPCC and The Family Rights Group may also offer support.

Can your son film it on a phone?
He may be making it up because he wants you to hear it, whereas video evidence would help make it clear where the truth lies.

Would be very worried about filming it on a phone! He is placing himself at risk then. I know you meant well but it's a bad idea IMO.

Speak to the school: you have parental responsibility so are entitled to. Do NOT make any allegations to them as you do not know the truth. Tell them that your son has said these things to you and you are concerned either that they are true, or if they are not, that he is choosing to say them. Note, you are staying completely on the fence.
The form teacher may have noticed him being withdrawn but in any event will want to know if there is anything to look out for. Depending on resources, the school may be able to get him some mentoring or other support.
Though it is difficult for you now fromdaddywithlove, you don't yet know the truth and children do say odd things, sometimes only vaguely relating to what has actually happened. You cannot get to the bottom of it alone and as babybarrister suggested, you are not a disinterested observer. Schools are generally excellent. If they see you are being fair and are just very concerned, they will take you seriously and should respond. If your fears are borne out, they are likely to take the fight forward independently of you.

Can you son perhaps confide in a teacher? Maybe even if it's not verbally he could write down how he feels and talk to one? Maybe give him the NSPCC helpline and remind him that if he gets very scared he can ring and speak to them or 101?

Has he got a phone?