Custody Matters

[mummytippy]

Recently (last week) my child's father was awarded custody. I'm devastated. His statement was based on lies and he denied our child (8) the right to 'voice for the child' through private mediation. His partner was a witness and lied too.

My son wants to reside with me. There are absolutely no safe guarding concerns (Cafcass) did the interim report on us both.

I can't appeal as apparently 'no points in law are wrong'.

My child's father believed I was going to relocate to the South. I was not.
I had a solicitor confirm as much and complied with his wishes but he went to Court and obtained an ex pater order anyway.

My poor son has now had to go and live with his father, partner and her son and start a new school.

In November last year I was struggling for work. I received a job offer 90 miles away (where I'm from originally) and asked my DS father if he could have our DS stay with him Mon through to Fri each week until the end of term. This was so my son could finish his prep school.

As part of the arrangement and commitment to my son I then spent my two days off (Fri and Mon) picking up my son and having him every weekend. At the weekend he would have swimming lessons. I would take him to school Mon am wait for him to finish school, take him to his piano lesson then to his Father for his week at school. I made this 90 mile trip twice a week.

We did this arrangement from Nov 2013 and my DS was to come and live with me full time again apart from alternate weekends.
This was what he'd known from being 1 year old (his age when his father and I splitting) to Nov 2013.

In the meantime as I detailed in my first post his father then went to court and used a notion I was going to relocate South.
Now I have lost my beloved son who is now 90 miles away with his father and I'm in the place where I took my job.

The contact arrangements so far allow me to see him only every 2 weeks at the weekend. My son was only used to only ever being 4 sleeps between seeing me and just about got through the arrangement as he believed he was ultimately going to join me.

To make matters worse, I requested my son attend the school where all of his friends have gone from the prep school (offering to pay the fees) should the court favour his father and his father has refused.

As a result he is now at a school deemed 'satisfactory' by Ofsted.
I genuinely am a good person and a great Mum. My DS's education is of paramount importance to me.

This is revenge from his father served cold but what a thing to do.
My DS suffers from poor concentration and has issues with his handwriting (possibly Dyslexic) so after such fantastic schooling I worried he's going to regress and I'm not there through the week to support him.
In addition he's obviously had a lot of emotional things happen to him too.

I am looking to go back to Court in 6 months time but am confused as to where to reside. Should I stay where my job is as my son was meant to join me here? Or should I move near to where my Son lives with his Father?
If I move I'll have to take another job... Which kind of contradicts why I moved and made the temporary arrangement with his father in the first place.

Any advise on this matter would be greatly appreciated. My son is my life.

Thank you.

Did CAFCASS ascertain your son's wishes and feelings?

No they didn't.

The initial report was done but not the full one which takes 12 weeks.
My solicitor felt this could pose a problem as the new school term was approaching and should my DS have to attend a new school (in his fathers area) this would make my case harder.

There was then a review hearing where I out voice if the child forward via private mediation but my DS's father refused it.

Umm.. There is no substitute for professional advice and I am not a lawyer.

A couple of years or so ago there was a Court of Appeal case when a mother left a child with the father for sometime whilst she received medical treatment. The father applied for and was granted a Residence Order. Mum successfully appealed because not enough importance had been given to the 8 year old child's view and the father was described as opportunist. If a child's views haven't been ascertained at all I would have thought there may be grounds to appeal.

Of course children's views are considered in light of their age and maturity. An 8 year old won't necessarily understand the implications of a decision so their views aren't determinative. There may be other factors in your case that mean your child's views weren't going to make much difference e.g. lack of adequate accommodation, disruption to education and relationships with the extended family.

Thank you for your reply.

The temporary arrangement when I took my job was made solely so that my son's education wasn't disrupted and what his father has done was purely opportunist.

The verdict itself has resulted in instability through my son's emotional well being not being considered at all.

This weekend was the first official contact weekend and when his father arrived to collect him he didn't want to go with him.

My DS told me over the weekend that he has told his fathers partner that he's very upset because he's not living with me and her response was to tell him that he would be seeing as much of me as he used to.
My DS said to me I'm not going to am I Mummy... It is emotionally cruel in my view to say that.

I told his father tonight that our DS is finding this extremely hard and he said he knew.

I have heard that a child still has the right to advocacy (via social services even with the order in place) but that they must contact them theirselves?

I am still waiting to receive my barristers notes from the hearing and I'm not sure how long you have to appeal?

Another point I don't know if I've mentioned is that I didn't know I could have had a witness in the courtroom.

I feel like I'm up against a wall and my DS is becoming damaged.

Another point to mention is I moved in with my parents whilst my son finished his schooling with the plan to find a property to rent over the summer. As a consequence of the proceedings I didn't and my DS's father also used this against me trying to say that there is inadequate accommodation at my parents house.

My parents house has 4 bedrooms and there are 4 of us.

I am in a position to rent a house tomorrow (as planned).

The relationship with my extended family is very good. I'm an only child and so is my DS.