My ex husband left me with both our kids, after a 5 year affair, and subsequently married her. He often agrees contact with me, then changes his mind once he goes home and discusses it. She doesn't have kids.
He does a job that means sticking to regular weekends is difficult, as he works away from home sometimes, so I've always tried to be flexible over contact, different days, weeks without seeing him then one or two days at once.
He takes complete advantage, has to be begged to book dates in advance, then he changes them. He won't have the kids in return if I want a night out/off, or if I need to work, he won't take them to school. In fact he literally has them at his convenience, never having to organise or arrange childcare. He never supports any activities etc, and I do 99% of all the care.
October - May 2014 I stopped contact for 8 months, under the condition that he has to either agree to go to mediation or sit down with me and plan out contact for several months at a time in the interests of the kids. (He can do this as he has a schedule), he held out for that long, and then eventually agreed to sit down and meet. He planned out 3 months worth, but has then gone back on his word several times, causing upset as he never asks, just announcing he's changed his plans, causing problems if we've arranged stuff.
My kids want a relationship with him, they are 11 and 5, but I cannot live like this where it's all on his terms. I've endured it for 3 years now, and I just can't go on. Final straw has been him cancelling contact this weekend, and I've just discovered he's gone on holiday. This is the first decent chunk of time he's had to see his kids...and he's gone away. When he gets back he's off on tour again.
He doesn't see them enough as it is, and a year ago, I took him to court to try and force him to see them more, the judge decided that we could sort it between us, warned him he wasn't seeing enough of them, it was not ok to change plans....and clearly that's not worked.
Fact is, my kids are upset and distressed at lack of routine, not knowing when they will see him. I'm angry as I have no life, I can't make plans and it leaves us very unsettled, I've just had a very difficult weekend with two unhappy confused kids.
I'd rather you don't tell me to stop contact, that really isn't the answer, kids need both parents. I know I can't force him to be a better Dad.
So leading to my question, after this very lengthy post. If I go back to court can I get the Judge to make an order that he sees them every Sunday for the night, and has to arrange childcare if he is working. Then say that he has to have them for 2 full weeks every year, at separate times, and alternate xmas and new year. Because that would at least ensure stability and know where everyone stands.
I can't go on like this much longer.