Any help please

[Quebec]

My XH has been charged and is due to go for trial later this year. This has been for a number of sexual offences relating to underage girls. Anyway I am at my wits end! I was told 18 maths ago by two detectives that he is not allowed contact with his two daughters, but have not heard anything since from them. He is pestering to see them on their social network sites and informs me that I have no right or reason to stop him seeing them as no mention of no contact in his bail report! I have no intention of letting him have access but can not stop him from coming to the area we live. I have asked the police and they say it's social services I need to speak to, so phoned them and surprise surprise, they say it's a police matter!! What do I do. I can't afford to take him to court. Can't sleep for worrying. Anyway sorry to burden anybody, just a little help would be most appreciated x

I am wondering if it is has to go to court for there to be 'official' no contact, but I am just speculating.

Might be an idea to make an appointment with the CAB to check out where you stand.

What an awful situation for you Quebec. Can you contact the two detectives who spoke to you, and ask what measures they can put in place to stop your XH contacting your DDs?

Maybe a trip to cab will have to be in order.. And no I stupidly should have asked for some sort of document from the detectives but didn't think of it at the time. I also can not remember their names. I just can not believe that they just leave us in the dark. I have only found out that it is going to trial because my older daughter has been called as a witness for the prosecution. She has her own place now. However he still contacts her, which I believe he shouldn't be. She however does not respond thank heavens. Thankyou for your fast replies x

If you contact your local police station they will be able to trace who it was who spoke to you as its all on record. Explain the situation to them and how worried you are, they will be able to advice. You can state that social services said it was a police issue so you are really confused, but of course mainly concerned for your daughters. Can you monitor your daughters use of social media, and maybe restrict it if you think its innapropriate contact? It may take a visit to the police station if you feel you aren't getting anywhere. They must have specialist officers who work with these kind of cases who would know how to help you. I hope you manage to get some help with this. Some solicitors offer a free half hour advice session if necessary. There are probably helplines that could advice, maybe childline or the NSPCC?

Yes they are good ideas. However I tried the police route and they said there was nothing they could do unless he commits an offence which he wouldn't be by approaching them unless he was causing an harassment to them. I explained it was two of their detectives but still the same answer. Told me it was a social services matter. The lady at ss told me it was a police matter as there was nothing listed for the girls on their system. Totally confused! And feel like I am getting nowhere in safe guarding my daughters. I feel let down by the way they just leave you to pick up the pieces on your own. The ss said she would leave a note for the safeguarding team it doubtful anything will happen! Just bewildered

Get them to set up new social media accounts with fake names or nicknames and only add their closest personal friends, and no one that might be in contact with their father. Don't delete their old account, just let it lie dormant so he doesn't go looking for a new one. Anything he writes on their old account can just be ignored then, but you can also keep it for use if you need later in any court hearings to get him blocked from access to your children.

Try police again in the morning or later on as there will be a different desk sergeant on who may be more cooperative. They will have the records of the detectives that spoke to you itsbjust a matter of finding a police officer that is willing to help.

So sorry your going through this you must be going out your mind. Hopefully you will get something sorted. (((Hugs)))

Just asking what age ur dds are, especially if one lives in her own? Would they want he police involved re harassment if he is intent on contacting through social media.

It is obviously a very different set up if your kids are aged 8, 18 or 28.

Thankyou for your kind comments. I shall try to see a solicitor to see what I can do for the best of the girls. And that's a very good idea with their social network, I shall put that to them. Eldest is nineteen and two at home 15&13.

This is a tricky one but I really would go to the police again, you must be clear that you were told by the police that your ex should not be having contact, and need to find out if this was just their professional opinion/advice, or fact. Ok, he is their father, but is still a sex offender, and it is concerning that he is trying to contact them. Presumably your children do not want the contact?

Just be really polite with the police, don't criticise, I am sure they will sympathise with your situation. Do try the NSPCC, they will have encountered this before and will know what to do about it. You have every right, especially if your daughters are upset, to stop contact via FB etc. I can totally understand your fears, I think most parents reading this would also be feeling very uncomfortable indeed for your daughters sake. Hope you get this sorted.

Thankyou for taking the time to write belly wobble.. Yes I will ring the NSPCC for some advice. Thanks again for your support.