varying a long standing contact order

[inthename]

Hi,

I need some advice.
Contact order has been in place for 10 years and ex has stuck to it like glue.
Ds is now 12 and has asked me to speak to his dad about changing the times he goes to his dad.
At the moment its Friday - Sunday one week and Friday - Saturday morning the other week.
Ds wants to change it to Saturday afternoon - Sunday evening one week and then nothing the following week just in term time and revert back to the 'old' pattern in school holidays. Bascially hes finding it difficult on the Friday as his dad doesn't support him doing homework and his step mum treats him like hes in the way (his dad often works late Friday and carries on working Saturday morning)
If i try go vary the existing order, does it have to be done through the courts?
Can i send ex a letter asking to change it and how on earth do I word it? We hsven't spoken in those 10 years other than practical things about ds as the original divorce was due to domestic violence.
I don't want to provoke him by writing a letter if i have to lodge some kind of 'official' form anyway.
Please help!

You don't have to go through the courts if your ex consents. Is there any possibility he might do so? Especially if on the Friday/Sat he doesn't see much of his ds. You never know, the stepmum might be an ally in persuading your ex - sounds like it's in her interests too. Any chance of getting her on board with it?

If he doesn't consent, you can proactively go to court to ask for a variation of order, or you can just go ahead with the arrangements and wait for him to bring you to court (although I imagine a judge would look more kindly on the former).

Your ds is at an age where he gets more of a say, so if it did get to court, it sounds like a reasonable shot at getting the order changed, although nothing is set in stone. Better to avoid a court battle if you can though - it's definitely worth trying to persuade your ex before going down the legal route.