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Legal matters

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Original poster

parental responsibility??

17 replies

mich2201 · 21/05/2014 15:15

I have a 9yr old girl by my ex partner who has not had contact with her since she was 3. He took me to court last year to gain access but it was revealed that he was taking drugs and drinking heavily. he even turned up to a psychiatric assessment under the influence! The court decided that he could have monthly letter contact, but he hasn't maintained this (has written 3 times in a year, and nothing since feb) . My daughter has not asked about her father and has no memory of him..

I have been with my partner for 4 years, we recently got engaged and are moving in together, which will involve my daughter changing schools.
The school admissions form asks if anyone else has parental responsibility for my daughter . I am wondering what to do about this.
If I say yes will they need permission from him for my daughter to change school - which he probably wont give just to be awkward.

Or do I say yes and explain the situation - would they take this into account?

Or do I say no??

OP posts:

prh47bridge · 21/05/2014 15:18

Is your ex partner on the birth certificate? Were you married to him? If the answer to both these questions is no he does not have parental responsibility unless you have entered into a PR agreement with him or the courts have given him PR.

If he does have PR he is entitled to be consulted about matters concerning your daughter's education regardless of the lack of contact.

Original poster

mich2201 · 21/05/2014 15:22

He is on her birth certificate

OP posts:

Lanabelle · 21/05/2014 15:28

Depends where you live then and when she was born. Take a look at this, its quite helpful

www.gov.uk/parental-rights-responsibilities/who-has-parental-responsibility

Original poster

mich2201 · 21/05/2014 16:52

he does, she was born in England in 2005 , and he is on her birth certificate

OP posts:

Original poster

mich2201 · 21/05/2014 20:11

But does this mean he should be consulted on such an important decision which is nothing to do with him?

OP posts:

CheeseandGherkins · 21/05/2014 20:14

Well, if you say no, how would the school know any different? I'm not inclined to do that sort of thing but under these circumstances, I think I would. If he wanted to be involved he would be and he could also have spoken to the school himself so they were aware of him. He clearly hasn't done this or the school wouldn't be asking you that question.

I know that isn't legally the right thing to do, morally is another matter though.

CheeseandGherkins · 21/05/2014 20:15

Also, two of mine have changed schools in the past (because of bullying) and they didn't ask for my ex husband's permission. He was fully aware of the situation though and supported the decision after discussing it with him.

Spero · 21/05/2014 20:18

He has parental responsibility and thus has a legally enforceable right to be informed about important issues in his child's life - such as her schooling or medical decisions. If he disagrees with your decisions, he can apply to court for the judge to make a decision.

But of course if he is not around and is choosing not to exercise his legal rights, it isn't your job or the school's job to chase him.

I would just tell the school the truth. Her dad has pr but hasn't been involved in his daughter's life for quite some time; you will be the parent making decisions. this is sadly not uncommon.

Original poster

mich2201 · 21/05/2014 20:35

The problem is that I know if he is consulted that he will disagree with my decision through spite and has no interest in what is best for his daughter.
I am about to be made homeless through no fault of my own and have an opportunity to make a wonderful home for myself and my daughter. I don't want to jeopardise this by ticking the wrong box on a form! I am tempted to just take my chances and lie!

OP posts:

CheeseandGherkins · 21/05/2014 22:10

I doubt they will question, I'd go for it. Sounds like a great "dad"...

Spero · 21/05/2014 22:13

He will have to take you to court if he wants to stop you exercising your PR. And provided you are making a decision that will benefit your child, I can't see the court being interested. He isn't really a figure in her life.

Do you think he really would get it together to find the money and time to make an application to court? He won't get any legal aid now.

Spero · 21/05/2014 22:15

My daughter's school wanted me to explain the situation with her dad; I said he had PR but lived abroad so I would be making all the decisions. they were absolutely fine with this. I don't think schools will try and track people down, they just need to know who the parents with PR are in case he contacts them.

Original poster

mich2201 · 21/05/2014 22:28

The section on the form reads: does anyone else have PR for this child yes/no, if yes please name. Are they in agreement with this application yes/no . It also gives a warning about withholding information and how not disclosing other parties can result in offers of places being withdrawn !

OP posts:

Spero · 21/05/2014 22:30

Presumably because they don't want to find themselves in a dispute further down the line with a parent who is engaged and interested, but wasn't consulted.

Why not just be honest? She has a dad, he has PR but he is not involved and you don't expect him to ever contact the school. What are they going to say? Demand you track him down?

Original poster

mich2201 · 21/05/2014 22:33

No, I suppose not. I think im just worried that protocol sometimes takes over from common sense when it comes to school procedures!
If I don't know where he is then what can I or anyone else do?

OP posts:

Spero · 21/05/2014 22:40

Exactly. They aren't going to demand you get a private investigator. Your situation can't be that unusual. I think this is just a bit of arse covering in case an angry dad pitches up at the school saying he was never informed.

And PR doesn't give him the right to veto any decisions or remove her from school etc, etc. To do that he would have to go to court. And from what you have said that sounds as likely as Nick Clegg ever being PM.

STIDW · 23/05/2014 11:34

Honesty is the best policy. The school needs to know who has Parental Responsibility because legally the school must provide certain information about a child's progress if someone with PR asks. However schools only need one person with PR to apply for admission. The exception is fee paying schools where there can be a requirement that both parents sign a contract so they are both liable to pay the fees.

A dispute about children changing school is an issue for the family courts to resolve rather than schools. If your ex objects he has the right to apply to court to prevent a change or have it reversed, although under the circumstances a successful application is improbable and he may chose not to exercise his right.

As a general rule of thumb when possible formally trying to obtain agreement may avoid the hassle of unnecessary court hearings. When no agreement can be reached the correspondence can be used as evidence that someone has been reasonable and tried to resolve the dispute constructively.

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