abusive ex wants more child access , assaulted me on last contact day in front of dd

[pod3030]

Hi,
i just wondered if anyone had any advice over what i should do next. My ex is emotionally financially and now physically abusive. I have done all the parenting, we split 1 & half years ago as he wanted his old life back. Dd is now 2.5.

He has threatened suicide on a number of occasions when things didn't go his way, and i fear blocking him into a corner as the worst crosses my mind re dd.

People think he is charming and successful.

He has dd once a week, and she comes home very upset and unsettled. He then asked for another day with a view to overnight. He bullied me, withheld maintenance and finally assaulted me in front of dd as he was keen to get his way without talking reasonably about it. I've worked so hard to provide a stable life for dd.
I called the police and he was taken from my home.

I think he is a very disturbed individual, controlling, sees me and dd as his possessions. However, i feel powerless in terms of the law and access. Also i need to get maintenance reinstated, though he is self employed and lots is cia . Any advice?
thanks

I should add that when we first split i worked hard to persuade him to come and do bath and bed, take her to swimming, etc, and he said it was boring. He would erratically pop in for 20 mins then i wouldn't hear from him for three weeks. I made him agree to one day so dd knew where she was. So i am not trying to be spiteful, i had to pull up my socks and get on with life. Now he wants to control it again.

Is the access in any way court ordered? Because I would go to court and get his access reduced to supervised only in a contact centre (or somewhere away from your home) with a third party there instead of you. And I would get him charged properly for the assault - it sounds like you don't have any witnesses but the Police came and removed him so presumably they have a record of the assault?

Why do you feel powerless in terms of the law and access?

I'm so sorry I don't have any advice for you, except to say that I feel your pain - I left my abusive ex and it has been horrendous, handing my child over to someone I know can behave like that.

If I were you, I would be tempted to let him take you to court. Have everything documented, make sure you have crime numbers of assault.
I'd even go so far as to push for supervised access until he can behave reasonably. At the very least you can do hand overs at a contact centre so he cannot control and abuse you.

I don't know what the rules are in relation to maintenance.
I hope someone who can help comes along soon!

Can i get him charged for the assault now? i didn't at the time, i just wanted him out. I got referred to victim support/ next link etc.

I feel powerless because he truly believes he is superior to me, people are often impressed by him, is one step ahead, and that he will eventually get what he wants as he can say whatever is needed. He talks and talks and talks at me, changing reality, warping the truth. I feel powerless against that, he can give a good performance of being calm, reasonable, shaking his head at this unreasonable vengeful woman. I've never wanted revenge, i've just wanted to be left alone. He can't allow that.

No, access not court ordered.

How long ago was the assault?

Phone Women's Aid. Ask them for advice.
Find out if there is a DV person at your local police, ask to speak to them and see what they suggest
If you're still in touch with your HV, phone her.

assault was 12 days ago.

Then I think you'd be well within a timeframe to try and get him charged for it.

Report the assault.

Make him go to court. Don't put your child through this.

thankyou, i am still so reality warped by him i felt like i was making a fuss if i got him charged. He is a master minimiser.

I'll get onto women's aid/ dv police person.

Report the assault - I think under new rules you need to prove DV if you want legal aid . Not saying you do want legal aid now but in case you do

Report the assault, insist charges be pressed. Doing this was the one thing that got my abusive ex away from me. You won't regret it.