ex has filed a specific issues order regarding schooling-nervous!

[ROZ12]

Hi all,

I was worried this would happen.

My ex has parental responsibility and with help of mumsnet, found out that this meant't to inform and consult the other party but decisions can be made independently. BUT apparently I required his legal consent if it's a change of school.

My DD is starting secondary school so technically it isn't a change of school but moving on.

I informed my ex with all the applications a year ago and when results came through I informed him of our choices. We disagreed on school choice, i wanted one and he wanted the other. One was inconvenient for me to take my DD every day and the other is convenient.But most of all my DD like my choice best.

Ex refused to help with fees for his choice of school unless I gave overnight contact on Thursdays. I disagreed with his ways and rejected the school. I informed him the day after acceptance day and informed him I'm accepting the other. I asked him to let me know by a certain date if he agreed with this decision, he never replied therefore i went ahead with accepting the school otherwise I would have been schooless.

He is taking me to court as he claims I didn't get his legal consent for change of school. I thought it was enough that I informed him and consulted him. Also he is wanting overnight contact on a Thursday and saying I didn't consider that teh school is so far that it will eat into his contact time on Thursdays. I feel, that's life High school will naturally mean less time every evening even for me with our DD. But Thursdays nights will be too disruptive during school week and the school is highly academic my DD doesn't want to deal with transporting books and losing books.

Has my ex got a good case-will I get told off by the judge??

Also I'm paying fulll fees on my own he isn't contributing-can I get him to pay and mention in court??

Will his case be strong?

DD is 11 has been asked to attend.

Thanks all.

Are both schools fee paying? Would you have to pay fees for either school completely or would he be paying fees for his choice of school?

He would only pay for his school choice and if he got overnight contact on a Thursday.

He already has Friday to Monday every other weekend and mid week break 3-7.15pm.

He wouldn't pay for our school choice even is we gave overnight.

What are you most upset about?
What do you want to achieve most?
Worry about his court proceedings till you've got the above sorted.

I'm upset if he blocks my DD's school choice when she worked so hard to get in.

I'm upset he isn't helping us with fees.

I'm upset he wants Thursday overnights as it's a highly academic school transporting books etc will be stressful. My DD already stresses going for weekend and having to pack. Keeping up with this school will be stressful enough let alone this extra worry, it's so disruptive. Also she is used to a schedule which she has accommodated herself too, why add on something new now at such a crucial part of her life.

I'm worried I will get told off for not seeking consent but only consulted and informed.

Is this considered as change of school? Does PR say to seek consult or just inform and consult?

Parental Responsibility means both parents have equal responsibility and rights to carry out those responsibilities so important issues such as changing a child's name, medical matters and where children attend school need to be agreed. If no agreement can be reached it is open to either parent to apply to court for a judicial decision. A 'specific issue order' is used to look at a specific question about how the child is being brought up. These orders are regarded as ‘positive’ in that they require a parent to do or allow something rather than ‘prohibit.’

I think I remember you posting about this at the time of accepting the school's offer. If so, it seemed that your ex was playing power games. Hopefully any judge can see thorough ex's control issues and will take your daughter's wishes and your/her weekly schedule into consideration.

So the thursday night is a new arrangement he wants? Well that just screams him throwing his weight around and the judge will see that. It's awful timing and not in the best interests of DD. maybe when she is settled in new school but why does he suddenly want that now just as she is changing school? He's being immature.

Whatever the outcome, just remember he's an arse

Your dds opinions/wants will surely be taken into account, hence her beign asked to attend so if she doesn't want an extra overnight midweek surely that will be listened to?

As He already has mid week break 3pm-71.15 due to school being far and eating into his time he wants to make it overnight.

Yes bad timing as soon as this comes up so does high school options.

If your daughter wants less contact then she should make that clear. She is old enough to make her wishes and feelings clear. The Judge can make any order they see fit, which could include a defined contact order.

If you want money from him for school fees you could make an application for financial provision from him. How soon is the hearing? You could ask for it to be listed at the same time.

Will your dd stand up to your ex's demands?

She is very scared of him.

I cant afford to make an application-he is the rich and im saving for fees.

You should be able to apply for an exemption from fees. If she is scared of him it is very important that she tells the Court that.

Unless he can argue that the school is unsuitable or somehow wrong for your DD, I doubt he has a strong case. Make your argument based on why the school is best for your DD. It's about her needs, not yours or his. The Thursday night thing is another matter entirely, so don't muddy the waters with that.

I was scared of my mum and dad at that age!! Thats why I did as I was told!!

So, what do you really mean she's scared of him, especially as she currently sees him EOW? Are the two of you best of friends?

Hello babybarrister,

Are you a family lawyer? I willl follow your advice with maps all emails as back up etc.

I meant to say I'm saving for fees so can't spend on court applications. Also is there any point as my order which gave me a lump sum stated not to ask for private school fees.But this was an order in 2005.

Ok thanks . Barristers cheap?

Also would you mind looking at my other post about if I should file an order fir fees?

Thanks

Hey roz

I 'won' my specific issue case its not about what is good for the parents its about what's best for the child and the wishes of the child. No doubt cafcass will become involved to do a section 7 report I was dubious but actually they totally backed me and daddy ended up looking stupid and permission was granted for my son to attend my choice of school. Though have now had to file s.1 for school expenses ( not fees) and am waiting for a court date am asking for him to cover all school expenses bar the fees which works out about 30% of what I'm paying so we shall see how that goes .

Teddingtonmum glad you wone the specific issue case, I know how worried you were about your ex's crazy idea of moving him in etc.!