Can they possibly pursue a contact order?

[OutlawsForInlaws]

DH, DD and I are living in the UK temporarily. ILs live in our country of origin, outside the EU.

We've tried to preserve some contact with them for DH's sake, but because of multiple episodes of verbal and emotional abuse on MIL's part we've kept contact to visits, mostly in public places, a couple of times per year. This still seems pretty frequent for people who live on separate continents! Our paramount concern is to shield DD from MIL's regular outbursts (I'm no doctor, but NPD seems to fit the bill).

Their last visit here was about two months ago. They wanted to return this month, but we told them that was not convenient for us. They told us they bought tickets to come anyway and tried to use that to bully us into a visit, but we repeated that we had other plans.

Friday we received a letter from a solicitor, writing on their behalf to demand a regular visitation/contact schedule, to be established in legal mediation in the weeks before my due date with DC2.

I mean, seriously?? We saw them two months ago, said "sorry, we have other plans" for Easter, and so they hire a legal team?

DH and I are so stressed out by the intimidating tone of the letter and its completely unreasonable demands--by the injection of lawyers(!) into a private family matter. I need to stay calm and keep this baby growing healthy and strong all the way to term, but these outrageously entitled ILs are making that a tough job right now.

We'll of course seek formal advice from a solicitor, but in the meantime I wondered whether anyone here who is familiar with UK system in these matters might have any insight.

Are they asking us to agree to mediation by solicitors because that's as much as they can do here? I can't imagine that as non residents they would have any standing to bring suit in court here. But do they? Is this really just the opening salvo in a prolonged legal quest to get a British judge to grant them visits-on-demand with my family every eight weeks, apparently?

Thanks in advance for any help.

No advice sorry, but I thought that it went that they had to apply to be allowed to persue a visitation order, then they could apply for the actual visitation order ? Through the court I mean.

I am probably completely wrong though. It sounds like they are intimidating you. Would they really go through a court process? Surely they realise this would make you less likely to want to meet up with them.

They sound bonkers!

the letter being from a solicitor carries no more weight than a letter from them

its still just a bonkers request.

Sounds like they are just trying to intimidate you. I would be cutting all contact from here on in!

Where they live is irrelevant. If they wished to pursue an order (and remember there is not such thing as a contact order' since last week - it's a Child Arrangements Order') they will have to attempt mediation.

Before a court will accept a C100 application form they need a signature from a mediator to say that has been attempted.

As they are grandparents, if they want an order, they will need the C100 and the permission of the court to make one (a C2) form. The court will look at what has happened in the past and make a decision whether they will let the C100 Application go ahead. It's not guaranteed but the fact they are not from the UK doesn't matter.

It may be worth sticking to your guns about contact taking place in a public place - but bear in mind that a court WOULD expect you (and them!) to improve things because it wants your DC to have a `normal' relationship with their family - and supervised/public only contact doesn't really fit the bill.

Failing that you should consider mediation.

Thanks so much for all your replies.

Lostdad, that is a pretty unsettling take. So even though we've provided multiple visits per year, including in our home, for grandparents who live across the ocean, you think the court would not consider this a "normal" enough relationship, so much so that the court might take up the case? Wow.

Can anyone else weigh in?

I am a grandparent carer and have a residence order for my GC's undertaken in a very difficult, sensitive case.

Grandparents do get contact, generally though through the non-residence parent when a couple separate. However, they can get contact in their own right but the court will not grant them party status without an application. If they can prove a pre-existing relationship with the children, the court may just look at this. They do not seem to see the children that often and then it appears to be supervised only.

I think you need to take some legal advice, but please don't be bullied by a solicitor's letter.