I know custody is not the right word but I don't know what is.
My DP has 4 children. Their mother is resident parent, and DP has parental responsibility as he was married to her. The kids stay with us every other weekend and sometimes in the holidays.
We do not feel that the children are in the best place with their mother and her new partner, for various reasons which I will detail below, however, we are led to believe we would not stand an earthly, as the courts will always side with the mother. We just want to know if we stand an earthly, as we cannot really afford an expensive legal battle, but believe the children would be in a better situation with us.
I know some of the reasons listed below may seem trivial, but as a whole, seem valid to us.
- The kids were in the next town so we could offer midweek help and support, but they have now been moved two hours away, to facilitate mum's latest relationship. No thought was given to the kids' education and socialisation when this happened. It was like a midnight flit - clothes, toys and furniture were left behind, and various people did not know where she'd gone.
- The maintenance money DP pays is not spent wisely. Mum always seems to have luxuries while the kids are lacking in key areas.
- Social services have been involved on two occasions where the schools had concerns about the kids' welfare. Obviously, after investigations, the children have been put back with her, so they must have felt confident to do this.
- Their mum fell out with her parents so stopped the kids having contact with their maternal grandparents. The grandparents contacted us and they now see the kids when they are with us.
- The children have been in trouble at school for not doing homework - they say it is because mummy won't let them on the laptop because she is on Facebook etc.
- Oldest DSS is on the aspergers spectrum, yet no thought seem s to be given to the routine, boundaries and consistency required for children with this, when he is at home with mum.
- Mum and new DP are pregnant again, and the kids seem to be being pushed out already.
- Mum posts naked and seedy photos of herself on Facebook and Twitter, despite the kids coming to an age where they will be on these sites.
- The kids always come to us nit-ridden. Whilst I understand this is completely normal for kids, we treat them every time, send them back with nit shampoo etc, but they say mummy doesn't follow up on it in between times.
- They always come over dirty, smelly and in inappropriate clothing for the time of year. It seems she would rather have an easy life than a battle about showers...
- We live on a farm with lots of animals, and an idyllic lifestyle in the countryside. We could offer many more opportunities to the children, actually encourage them to do their homework and partake in extra-curricular activities. Their mother seems to be like an overgrown teenager, who tells the kids doing their homework is sad, and going to cubs/brownies is for idiots.
- We have a huge support network - their paternal grandmother, and uncle live on the farm too, their paternal aunt and cousins are just down the road, we facilitate access to/contact with their maternal family, my family are all local and treat the kids as family. We are good upstanding members of our local communities, and both work rather than scrounging benefits when we are capable of working, and all the children are at school.
I am sorry if this sounds petty - I am just so fed up and sad at seeing the kids dragged up, rather than enjoying their childhood, and being robbed by opportunities by a mother who honestly comes across as if she could lose the kids but keep the benefits, she'd be happy. Please help :-(