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Why is he doing this to me?

5 replies

mrsbun81 · 20/04/2014 20:11

My partner and I have always had a volatile relationship. Since our DS was born in July, I've been much calmer but he's been getting worse and worse. I've had major problems with his mother, who has some very strange views on parenting and life in general, and he's been totally unsupportive, always taking her side.

Last week, he lost control and hit me in front of our child. Not the first time he's hit me but the first time he's done it in front of my son. I didn't call the police straight away, I was scared about the repercussions, and naively thinking maybe he'd be remorseful and get help but the following day, on the way to a counselling session, he flipped out again, grabbed my wrists really hard in the car and took off down the road with my car keys so I was stranded in the middle of a main road. Luckily my son wasn't in the car. This time I called the police and I know most of you will think I'm crazy, but I didn't make a statement, and I told them I didn't want him arrested. I was still scared about the repercussions, and I guess hoping that my family wouldn't end up being torn apart. The police wanted to speak to him anyway so they did but didn't make an arrest.

The next day he continued to be verbally abusive to me in front of our DS so when he went to work I left and went to a hotel. I told him where I was staying and that it would be for a few days to give us some space. My parents live opinion France and my dad had driven over the night before to give me some space and was also staying at the hotel. My plan was to go over to France for a week but my partner told me I couldn't go without his permission so I was waiting to speak to him once he had calmed down so we could come to an agreement. We spoke a little over the next day and he seemed to be better, then the following morning 2 uniformed police officers visit my hotel room and serve me with a notice from the high court that my son is now a ward of court and I have to surrender both our passports and reside at the hotel until we are given a court date. Both our passports were actually at the flat I share with my partner so they had to send more police officers there to get them. Not only that, they sent 3 uniformed officers to my sisters house and searched her kids bedrooms with her 7 & 2 year old looking on!

So I'm now stuck in this hotel, because of the Easter break, my solicitor can do nothing until tues at the earliest. My partner has turned into the nastiest, most vindictive person you could imagine. I'm so scared he's going to try to get custody of my son. He's never been all that bothered about him, very hands off, doesn't like to change nappies or bath him, but he seems so he'll bent on getting at me that I'm not sure what he'll do to hurt me.

I've had to document everything that's happened in our relationship so far. Admittedly, I haven't been perfect, but I've been a great mum to my son and always put him first. He's been terribly emotionally abusive to me and I'm only just starting to realise it. My friends and family have finally told me how much I've changed since I've been with him and it's sinking in now. I'm desperately sad that I'm going to be a single mum, and that my son has to go through this and I just hope that my partner will see sense and not try to take him from me.

If anyone has any words of advice I'd love to hear them.

X

OP posts:
mrsbun81 · 20/04/2014 20:21

Parents live in France and dad has come over to give me support! not space! Severe sleep deprivation is affecting my mind Smile

OP posts:
PurplePidjin · 20/04/2014 20:22

Call 101 and tell them you've changed your mind and want to make a statement. Fuck the repercussions, this is not your fault; it's the consequences of his actions.

Also check out the Women's Aid website, particularly for your area, and Shelter. You'll need access to the house at some point and even if you can't get hold of someone on the helpline there should be a list of documents and things you should make sure are in your possession.

It may be worth considering making a report to Social Services about your concerns, stressing that he has been physically and verbally abusive in front of your son and that you fear he may be abusive towards your son. Pre-empt any accusations from him or concerns that you're not protecting your ds.

Being a single parent is not the worst thing that could happen.

Joules68 · 20/04/2014 20:29

On what basis have they made your ds a 'ward of court'? Seriously, that doesn't just happen like this, there must be lots lots more going on you haven't posted

mrsbun81 · 20/04/2014 20:36

Hi Joules68
They did it on the basis that he is supposedly at risk from being abducted. My ex partner made a statement to his solicitor full of fabrications and making him out to be whiter than white. He also said I have suffered from depression into the past and am of a fragile mindset. I've suffered from depression in the past but not for 8 years or so. Everyone is really shocked that he managed to do this. I've given my solicitor details of all our texts, including ones which specifically say that I wasn't going to go to France unless he gave me permission.

OP posts:
fuckwitteryhasform · 25/04/2014 14:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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