How to leave my marriage and start over in UK?

[popmimiboo]

I've lived abroad for years. Married. 3 DC. My marriage has never been good. Won't go into details but I've been stupidly, stubbornly staying in an unhappy marriage, in a country I hate for so long I just don't know how to live any other way.
If I ever manage to get up the courage to leave and bring kids to the UK, how will I go about basic essentials? Finding somewhere to live? Sorting out school for my DC etc etc?
I have a degree but moved abroad soon after finishing uni and have only worked part-time over here. DH is extremely controlling over money and I'm completely dependent on him financially.
I'm nearly 40 and my DC are old enough to see how unhappy I am and I hate that they have such a bad example of marriage to learn from. I need to leave but just haven't a clue how to go about it.

Sorry you're this unhappy, but Welcome Back (In Advance)!

First off, where do you want to live? What's your degree and skill set and experience? (don't have yo tell us, just have it firmly in your head), then start looking for jobs, at least as a general concept. For instance, some industries are big in some areas...

Consider going onto the benefits page to see if you might be entitled to anything (if you paid UK tax during your stay elsewhere), but some of these sites will also have general setting-up-house advice.

After that, esp if you've narrowed an area down, scan childminders/schools, transport links, etc.

Best of luck!

Forgot to mention, esp if SH is so controlling (and I'm going to assume he doesn't know) seriously cover your tracks on your computer.

You may have to wait for a year after returning before a court in the UK can acquire jurisdiction to divorce you. You will probably also need his consent or order from a court local to you if you want to return with any minor children.

In the country where you live, you may not be able to take the kids back to the UK without his permission.

yes, you need to be quite clear that it is the LOCAL courts where you are now living which will decide whether the children can move to the UK - the nationality of the children is irrelevant

you need some good local advice - if you PM me with the country I may be able to assist ID someone

alternatively have a look at the website of the International Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers albeit that they are very expensive indeed

It is unlikely you will be able to move with the children unless their father agrees, but you may be able in the country you are in to apply to the court to move them. You probably cannot just take them. If you do you could be in a lot of trouble unless they are over 18 which they aren't. If they are very little and their father would consent it probably will be okay. If they are teenagers they would usually refuse to move as the country you are in is their home.

In terms of money assume the father will pay nothing and you will be in the UK without the children. Can you bolster your CV and work full time abroad now so that when you come here employers will want to hire you?

I did know a man who agreed to let his wife take the children back to her home country of Australia when she wanted a divorce. It was pretty awful. The oldest child had just won a place at St Paul's boys school in London and was all set for a lovely life here and I don't know how the children have been since been taken back with their mother to a country they don't know - miserable I expect. What surprised me though is that their father consented although misses them terribly.