grandparents rights?

[Rachellx]

Hello all, im new to the forum but i needed to join a good one for some support on a current situation of mine as i dont have anyone else to turn to, My apologies if this is in the wrong part of the forum as im still getting to grips with it!!

My sitauation is, a few weeks ago i was taken to court by my OHs dad wanting to see our child, our child is now 3 and weve not heard a peep from him even since she was born, My OH has maintained some sort of relationship with him, seeing him every few months but there are alot of fall outs between them. My OH wants his dad to see our little one but i cant forgive him for many of things he has said & done.

When i got pregnant he told us to get rid, no questions, just get rid, i was accused of 'trapping' his son although our little one was and is very much wanted and loved. At 8 months pregnant, after going all this time of being told im ruining his sons life, how he doesnt want to be a dad, how hes disapointed that he never did as he had planned for him since he was little, he then told me that he hopes i give birth to a still born, apparently thats what i deserve!! & like iv said, hes not had anything to do with our little one since day 1. All of a sudden i get a court order...

I feel like iv been bullied into the mediation route, i didnt want it, i wanted to get court out the way, over and done with, why would i want to build bridges with this man? i cant just forgive and forget!

Unfortunately, mediation is almost 300 a pop, money we dont have, if we was to scrape it together we wouldnt even be able to afford supplies such as food, or pay rent/council tax! Its depressing me, our first session is friday. His dad doesnt even care that we dont have the money, he has said if i let him see her without trying to resolve anything (because he wants nothing to do with me) Then he will drop it all.

I feel like his dads problem is jealousy, im his first partner and weve been together 5 years. Hes tried all sorts to split us up, even said i cheated on my OH with a 15 year old! (Completely not true of course)

Im hoping someone may have some advice to offer? whats the chances if i refuse mediation and go to court again that he will be granted with a contact order or refused one better still?

Sorry to rant on, like iv said, iv had no one to talk to, so its been bottled up for a rather long time....

Make it clear to the mediator in an email before you go that you can't afford it and will not accept responsibility for any cost. The judge won't criticise you for that.

Grandparents usually have to demonstrate a preexisting relationship with a child before a court might think of awarding contact. Have a look at some of the numerous threads on this in Legal Matters to get a better idea. Also look at this:

www.mfjc.co.uk/home/mfjccou1/public_ftp/

I don't understand why the courts are involved (when I understand they will only act when there is an existing relationship, which there isn't in this case) if your OH wants his father to see your child. He doesn't need a court for his father to have access. If he has parental rights he can just take your child to see his father.

my oh has enough respect for me than to just take her to see his father. he understands why I refuse a relationship between them but I also understand he is court on the middle of us both. I'm not sure why it got taken to court either, especially when he's made no effort with me to build bridges or to see my child for the first time. iv called the mediation and explained we literally cannot afford this, I was told we would still have to attend the appointment, apparently we can be charged for not turning up. the court ordered the mediation so I'm not sure where I stand with this.

That doesn't sound right OP. Can you see a local Resolution solicitor under a free initial appointment. Take the court papers with you. Mediation is generally known not to work if forced.

Hi, I am really sorry that you are going through this.

I wouldn't believe when people tell you that grandparents have no rights, Or that they need to have a pre existing relationship. This is not true!

My own mother is currently taking me and my husband (we are still happily married) to court for access to see our 7 month old baby.

We have not had a relationship with her or my dad for 5 years and didn't even tell them I was pregnant or had a baby. They found out through someone else. There is a long history between us which I wont go into detail about.

This has been on-going since she was 11 days old.

The court base a decision on the interest of the child and seemed to believe every grandparent is the stereotypical lovely grandparent, when in truth not every grandparent is like this.

Don't worry to much about mediation. The court told us to go, so we want to the initial appointment, but once we explained the situation and that we were not willing to give any form of contact the mediator said it wouldn't work. We then went back to court and explained this and the court were ok. Mediation will only work if there is some leeway.

You would think being the child's parents we would know what's in our child's best interest but its appears the court don't actually care and contact may be given.

We did see a solicitor who said that courts very rarely enforce contact orders as they don't even do it for mothers/fathers in dispute. So if you dont take your little one, basically nothing will happen. Its just the hassle of dealing with it all.

PM if you need to chat or any advice x

Thank you all for your advice.

Unfortunately it was all forced down my throat that he is to meet my little one :( i didnt agree, i sat and refused all access etc but apparently he appared very genuine to everyone and no one could see an issue. It was taken to court yesterday and the magistrate confirmed this. im gutted. i dont want to build bridges, i dont want my little one near him, i know he will build a bond and then one day he just wont bother, and that would effect her more than never seeing him, iv been called unreasonable and apparently im only thinking of my self, not my daughters feelings.

Humph.

What happened when you went to court? Normally its a very lengthy process and you will have to go back numerous times whilst they do checks etc. No decision is ever made on one court appearance.
Stick to your guns! At the end of the day if anything was to be granted just dont take your little one, nothing will happen x

At the end of the day if anything was to be granted just don't take your little one, nothing will happen

That is very poor advice. The courts have a range of options to enforce contact. The evidence is that they will enforce if the parent with care is clearly at fault.

It is not poor advice, we have a solicitor and who asked outright what will happen if we didn't take our little one and he said outright in all honesty nothing. He said they rarely do anything in parents cases let alone grandparents.

There is also a website online that lists all the contact order applications and approvals made to court in 2012. In this year 35000 were made and out of those only 11 were enforced with community service! No grandparents were enforced at all.

Its highly unlikely they would do anything! Our solicitor said it is not in a child's welfare to do anything to a parent if they dont stick to the order. He also said courts have better things to do than deal with this and they are rarely interested.

Our solicitor is also a county judge so knows how these things work, so ill stick to taking his advice x

Your solicitor needs reporting. What terrible advice. Courts are there for a reason and make orders for a reason. You can't just go around deciding not to stick to the order - you are not above the law.

Was just asked what happens when people dont stick to them, so he told us. Was he suppose to lie?
The courts are not always right! And yes i can decide what is best for my child and i will. Therefore i would not take my little girl.

No, he was supposed to tell the truth.

In most cases where there are problems with contact both parents are to blame. The courts will generally not take action against the parent with care in such cases. However, if the parent with care is clearly obstructing contact the courts can and do take action to enforce the order. A study in 2011/12 found that 78% of cases where the parent with care was hostile to contact resulted in punitive action against that parent.

Yes this is in parents but we are talking about grandparents. Both me and my husband are together and talking about my mother who we have not seen for the last 5 years due to reasons i dont want to go into on here.

That study you are referring to is the one i read about, where they took action against the 11 parents. That research also said no action was enforced on any grandparent contact order.

Any action they take must consider the welfare of the child and what action would they consider would be of benefit against both parents?

The research I'm looking at showed action being taken against 14 parents. It does NOT say that no action was enforced on any grandparent contact order. They simply excluded 11 grandparent contact orders from the study without recording whether or not these cases led to enforcement action against the parents.

what action would they consider would be of benefit against both parents

The court will already have considered the welfare of the child when deciding to make a contact order. The court is therefore entitled to take the view that enforcement of the order is in the child's interests. Enforcement action may include ordering the parents to undertake community service and/or paying any costs the grandparents have incurred as a result of the failure to obey the order.

Not forgetting that blatantly disregarding a court order (of any description) is a contempt of court - and there are plenty of penalties, including but not limited to, prison. The ball would be in yr mothers' court (as it were) to seek enforcement, so she might not report or pursue it further, so in reality it may be that it doesn't go further.

We are going through similar!its shock8ng

I honestly feel for you it is crazy how the legal system works. My husband again we are happily married has not spoken to his parents for 6 years. I have 3 children, 9 5 4 and they are taking us too court for contact. Years of emotional blackmail and general abusive behaviour from them has resulted in neither of their sons speaking to them. We tried and it got us nowhere. They have not seen my younger two and not seen my eldest since she was 2 and a half and i am at my wits ends. They have just been granted leave but i think that they will probably get contact based on what i have read. I understand that it is important for grandparents to be involved but sometimes this is not possible. Even without everything else involved there is no way that this can possibly work out to have a happy relationship. My desc ion to have any more children is not made up of me and my husband but is based on the consideration of his parents, how can that be the case. Where is my basic human right to have a private family life and how did i become a surrogate to them. They had their chance they ruined it let us have own turn and stop ruining it for us. If your children does not want to have a relationship with you there must be a reason.
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