My BIL has a DD to his ex-gf, his daughter is nearly 3. Him and his ex have not been together for 2 years but he still goes round every night to see his LG. He doesnt live there but uses the shower, food, washing machine etc and sleeps on the sofa some nights. There is no maintenance plan in place, he helps his ex out with bills though and buys food for his DD. His ex has also had some spending money for herself from him on occasion (very small amounts as she does not work).
They have a very very fraught relationship and are always arguing. They just rub each other up the wrong way, and BIL is quite a nasty individual at times and often insults his ex (the name calling is shocking). As a result she now has very low self confidence and is scared to stand up to him.
Last week she had an argument with her mum in the house (ex-gf lives on her own btw with DD) and told the mum to leave. BIL is uber-protective of his DD and said that ex was a lunatic for arguing and a bad mother for doing it while the DD was in the house, so took her and left (after kicking the stair gate off and pushing her away with his foot). Ex-gf thought this constituted kidnap so called the police. Before the police showed up BIL returned, and when the policewoman arrived she told his ex-gf that he has 'every right to take his own daughter whever he wishes'. To clarify, there is no official custody arrangement in place, they wanted to do it 'more amicably' than that without getting courts involved.
Basically BIL now has his ex over a barrell because he keeps saying "Don't do this otherwise I'll take DD off you, as I have the right to walk in here and taken". She is physically ill because of the stress and worry and now weighs less than six stone. Shes worried that her mental health will decline and that as a result DD will be taken off her.
Where does she stand legally - was the police woman right in what she said? And if so how can ex-gf ensure DD isn't taken from her care? BTW she is not abusive or neglectful to her DD but has got it into her head that she'll be taken off her. I've told her to stop letting BIL use her house like his own and to set boundaries but shes struggling, as he has this threat over her now.
Also he is moving in with a woman (not romantically involved) that ex-GF doesn't trust at all, and doesn't want DD going to their house - can she stop her going there to see her dad?
As an aside BIL smokes weed, I'm guessing no judge in the land would take a child off a perfectly good mother to someone who smokes cannabis? Ex-GF is convinced this will happen - thats how much she's been ground down.
BIL is my DH's brother but I can't bare to see someone treated like this, I don't care that he's family, my little niece is suffering as a result.