Extremely difficult living situation

[awishes]

Just starting on the path to divorce, husband has not even been contacted by my solicitor yet and he is warning and threatening me via email constantly. The divorce has been instigated by him and because I will not agree to a "fair" 50/50 split of all assets he has turned even nastier than usual. I am now wondering do I just give in to this to avoid the tirade of nastiness, this will leave me with no possibility of buying another home for our children?
He has said today that he will give up his well paid job which will leave me without any child maintenance!
Will this irresponsible behaviour be taken into account if I fight for a larger share of equity and things get to a court hearing?
I know all cases are different but does anyone have any experience they could share please?

So sorry to hear you are going through this. I had a similar situation develop when we separated 14 months ago.

Divorce is a long process, one thing to remember and that I've learnt is that just because this is what he's saying today, there'll be a lot of ups and downs before you reach a resolution.

I would not advise giving in. The threat to give up his well paid job sounds like something he has said to scare you into not taking action. As time goes on he will realise that this isn't going away and a good lawyer will hopefully tell him something similar to what your lawyer is telling you.

Thank you, I think I will have to ignore the vitriol and think of the end point, just hope that I can still provide a home for my kids!

Sorry that you went through this too - rubbish isn't it!

You'll probably do this but remember to print out and keep copies of emails he has sent you onto a disc or usb. Pass them onto your solicitor too.

thanks Irishmummy I am! They're full of contradictions! Will they make a difference though?

If you do eventually have a settlement decided by the court (which will be a long and expensive business, best avoided if possible), then it will be determined based on each of your needs and on equity.

Except in truly outrageous cases, there is no financial penalty for behaving like an arsehole, and certainly no bonus for being well-behaved.

That's what I thought, am keeping them because they show his escalating dreadful behaviour incase we become a "truly outrageous case" ! I'm convinced he will take this all the way and it will go to court, despite the costs involved

Fidelia - thanks, that's exactly how he is behaving like a bully and yes I thought that he has shot himself in the foot putting in black and white that he intends to leave his job and then, his words "there will be an entirely different financial context to this divorce". That proves intent doesn't it? Although he has now said that he is under enormous pressure at work and that would be his reason for leaving! Wasn't like that before he decided he wanted a divorce!

We've been married just about 16 years, I was at home for 10 with the children and had a good career before. Now he is earning over double what I earn and I do ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING in the house and for the children, and work. I have MUG on my forehead for sure! I would never have thought he would be like this - just goes to show.

Thanks for replying

Oh if he tells you he's going to give up his well paid job, just say, "Good luck finding a girlfriend when you're on the dole." His job will be part of his self-image; he won't give it up.

He has already got the girlfriend. Good comment though!

Legal advice is key. Does he have a good pension? It knight be possible for you to take a larger share of any equity in property in return for not taking a share of his pension. Are there any shares, bonuses etc?

Try and make a list of your outgoings. If you separate are you entitled to additional benefits, tax credits etc. Do you know if you can get a mortgage? This will be helpful in working out whether you could buy him out or what size lump sum you would need if you had to buy a property.

the court has to take into account not only what a person does earn, but their earning capacity.

so if someone gives up their job deliberately the court may treat them as able to earn the same anyway.

s25 Matrimonial Causes Act 1973.

I would love to give up a share of his decent pension in exchange for a larger share of house equity but he is adamant there will be a 50/50 split of the home.
I've looked online and had a few mortgage quotes and I could manage a 70/30 split with him keeping the savings aswell.
The tax credits would be great but unreliable as anything could change with this government and if he does resign I would not have the child maintenance to rely on for the children either.
Moving would take up so much money? Thank you so much for your info.

If the children are to be mainly living with you, isn't it more usual that the split is weighted towards you, as the parent with residency?
I think I'd avoid discussing it with him, tbh, and let the courts decide. They'll be fair - he won't.

Thanks clam and baby, I have got a resolution solicitor - just wish everything was cut and dried already!

I appreciate the replies, thank you so much.

well that would be for his solicitor to advise !! thanks again

Sounds similar (a lot of men do this it seems) once I saw my solicitor she pit my mind at ease where the house and children are concerned. I to have just begun on the path. All the best.

Thank you, you too - seems as though we're in the same boat