mother being denied contact

[leeray]

My mother has dementia, living with my father who denies contact. Social services have failed us, the police say unless he is violent they won't get involved. Do I give up?

That's awful. Can you pretend to apologise/change/suck up just to get some contact?

That would be against my nature. He's been abusive all his life and continues to attack me. I reported his bad treatment of my mum to social services, so now he refuses contact.

What an utter prick. I'm so sorry for you. Are other family members given access? Could you get one to lie and let you met behind his back?

No they are not willing. The inheritance is more important to them than ethics or morals.

As far as I know, the only real lpath available would be to contact the adults team at social services. I appreciate you feel let down by them and I obviously don't know the reasons but they do have statutory duties towards vulnerable adults who lack capacity which would include assessing the quality of her care and looking into any neglect/abuse issues.

Yes DarkKnight, I too had faith, but no more. They just say she looks well and is not complaining. They are totally ignoring my dilemma. I cannot believe it and if someone else told me about this, I would find it hard to believe. I have asked them to investigate other factors, but they refuse to address the issues, such as weight loss. They are a total waste of time. It's shocking stuff. I wish the newspapers would get involved!

Newspapers!

Well if you want newspapers involved contact them- wishing it is silly as no-one is going to contact them on your behalf. However- i cant see that a) they'd be interested or b) it would help your father come round to your way of thinking and let you see her.

Have social services visited her?

I've done everything in the correct manner. Yes they have visited. As she has dementia, she cannot recall whether she saw me yesterday or last year or whether she has eaten etc.
This kind of abuse, re stopping contact, doesn't show any bruises and he has told social services that he isn't stopping contact but in reality he refuses to let her visit or for me to visit. He lies to them. It's a difficult one.

Is it distressing her not to have contact with you?

Have you been on to the adult safeguarding team yet?

Don't lie or get other family members to lie and sneak around, it's an awful idea and your mum may end up with nobody but your dad. Keep going down the social services/mental health route, and contact dimentia charities for advice and support on what to do, they may be able to help especially if you raise your weight loss concerns and the violence. Don't give up.

I have no intention of lying or acting. Social services haven't addressed the weight loss or replied to my letter of concern about it.
Dementia charity may help in some way.

yes Brian, tried all ss routes.

Can the GP help? Maybe arrange for a district nurse to visit and weight her? It's her health that's you should concentrate on though, not your father denying you contact, unless that is causing her a lot of distress which it doesn't sound as if it is.