Impending Divorce

[awishes]

Have reached the end of an appalling marriage and after having many free half hour visits to solicitors over the past 10 years I am still really no further forward in understanding whether I would be allowed to stay in the family home. We have 2 children 16 and 12 and a small 4 bed house, mortgage is very affordable and stands at 10% of the value. We could not afford to buy 2 smaller homes from the proceeds and I am a low earner, due to being a SAHM for 10 years. There are some savings. I would happily give up any pension entitlement and share of savings for the opportunity to keep the children in our home for as long as possible. Has anyone been in a similar position recently who could offer me any hope? We are at an impasse, still living in the home, not speaking, horrible atmosphere for the children, the eldest of whom he has treated very badly, because of me of course. He won't move out at the moment despite me apparently being the worst person that has ever existed. Thank you in anticipation of some sensible advice.....

I think the first thing you need to do is get a better, probably full time job tbh, now that your children are both at secondary school. Assuming that your husband isn't a massively high earner, you are unlikely, even if you do manage to hang on to the house, to get any spousal maintenance so would struggle to pay the bills, mortgage etc.

The other reason to get a better paid job is that even though your mortgage sounds pretty small, the chances of the lender agreeing to transfer the mortgage account into your sole name if you aren't able to demonstrate the ability to pay it are slim.

Presumably you've been told about Mesher orders etc? The first step is to issue divorce proceedings. Your husband will eventually have to start negotiating if proceedings are ongoing. There are various solutions to the problem, all of which are painful in terms of having to downsize/increase income etc but they are all surmountable.

Good luck.

Thank you - I have a job for 30 hours per week and will not be able to earn much more than I do now. Husband is not a huge earner, but at least double my income and I doubt that I would get spousal maintenance- I thought that had ceased? He whilst sending me horrible emails would like a "civilised" divorce which I think that means "do whatever I want".

Does he have to provide a home for the children or is that out of date info?

That's an urban myth I'm afraid. The court looks at what is in the joint pot and what each of you needs. Because your income is lower, your mortgage capacity is lower and therefore you will get more of the equity than him to make up for that.

thanks mumblechum1 - there seems to be a lot of urban myths around this subject :(