Hi, I've just joined Mumsnet and am hoping someone might be able to help with advice or experience in this matter. My ex husband lives in Nottingham and I live in London, moved here from Warwickshire last May. We divorced in 2004, ever since he has bitterly bullied me and strived to make my life a misery, refusing to pay any child support ever on the grounds of not being able to afford it. I have raised and provided for my son myself all these years and have contributed fairly to him seeing his father regularly, driving more than half way (2hr trip each way for myself) every 3rd weekend. I have worked hard and managed to enable my son to have a private education since starting school, he is mildly dyslexic and benefits from the smaller classes and extra tuition provided.
Since moving to London my ex husband has been very difficult, demanding I drive our son to Nottingham from South London. Even resulting in him assaulting me in front of our son. His temper being one of the reasons I divorced him. He has now said that the travel time on the train is too long for our son (1hr 40 mins - which is less time than it took in the car where we previously lived) and so has cut his contact with his son to school holidays claiming better quality time spent together. However when I offer for longer periods during Christmas or Half terms he refuses saying it's not convenient and has also refused his son extra contact when he has asked claiming again that he's busy looking after his new baby or it's not convenient.
Since moving to London he has promised his son that if London is not for him then he can live in Nottingham, I believe due to the constant push pull from his father, our son now craves more attention and consequently say he wants to live with his father because this is what his father has been telling him for the last 6 months. He is 13 in April and dotes on his father despite knowing that he is a bully and irrational.
I do not want to stand in my son's way as I know he has a strong bond with his father. However, he sees his father with rose tinted glasses and deliberately ignores the fact that he is a bully with a foul temper. I'm wondering if anyone has had a similar issue and how perhaps court would view this matter. My concern is that his father has never paid any support due to being in and out of jobs so how can he afford to provide for our son when he has failed to do so on any level for the last ten years. And also if he really wants his son to live with him then why is it inconvenient when his son asks to stay with him for extended periods. Would a court take all this in consideration? I really do not want it to end up in court for our son's sake as it would be awful for him to be forced to choose.
Also I have said that our son who is now used to taking the train with me to Nottingham when he does see his father, is now competent enough to travel the journey alone providing he is placed on the train by myself and met by his father on the platform in Nottingham. Living in London he is used to public transport and is very mature for his age and is physically the size of a 14 year old. If our son can make the journey alone it reduces the costs substantially which means I can afford for him to visit his father more regularly but his father claims that I would be held criminally responsible if anything happened to him on that journey, which I find hard to believe given most children at this age walk to school or take buses? Sorry for the lengthy post but I'm wondering if anyone has any advice or experience? Thank you..