What if a parent wants to move under shared custody arrangement

[london111]

Hoping someone can help. Apologies in advance for length but want to give the right details...

My brother has a 9 year old daughter. He is no longer with her mother. They live pretty close to each other and have shared custody (private arrangement, not court). 2 mid week days each and then every other weekend. Although Sunday night is always with her mother.

Mother wants to move to another city for better job prospects (she works currently as well) next year, so the move would happen between primary and secondary schools for the daughter. My brother really doesn't want this to happen as he would lose shared custody.

Thank you if you are still with me!

What can my brother do if anything? Mother has told the daughter the plans as a done deal. And she has sold the idea by saying that all of the daughter's friends will be going to different schools so she won't see them anyway, new city has x and y so much better etc. My brother doesn't know how to respond as he doesn't want to create uncertainty/worry for my niece.

I am worried that if it goes to court, essentially the court would let the child decide. Is that correct. Is there anything my brother can do that doesn't put her in the middle of a difficult decision?

Thanks for your help

Sorry for the quick reply but I'm at work.

I believe that the courts via CAFCASS ( if involved) may take a 9 yr olds wishes into consideration but take more notice from the age of 12. Bit confused though, if she is 9 she's not going to secondary school yet?

Anyhow, he could raise a PSO ( prohibited steps order) trying to stop daughters change of residence / school. However mediation would probably be expected before court action. It's really a last resort in these situations.

What is the weekly split for care? Is. It 50/50? How long has it been like that? Who does school / childcare pick ups? All this can have relation on court decisions? Does Dad have PR? The courts may look at who the primary carer is ( if there is one).is there family where mum wants to move? What is her proposition for daughter seeing Dad? Are there any siblings either side?

Most importantly, should this go to court they will look ' through the eyes if the child' at look at maintaining the status quo for the little girl.

Tell him to contact FNF who have lots of useful resources. First step though is to talk.Mum has no right just to uproot daughter even if she can argue better prospects etc... Dad has no right to keep dd where she is too. The rights are for the child.

Sorry v garbled and probably missed loads.

Try and stay civil, it'll help.

Would advise him to seek advice now and perhaps keep it under his hat that he has done.

As for your niece. I reckon he should just say as little as possible, just reassure that he and mummy love her and that will never change etc...

Good luck

So does your brother have her 6 nights out of 14 currently? Does he then do all care in that time? If so I would suggest he sits down with ex and really talks it through in terms of what is best for dd.

If his ex is determined to move then he obviously can't stop her but it may be worth him seeking some legally drawn up contact arrangements if she is not prepared to take his thoughts into consideration at all. There may be a way he could maintain the same amount of contact time with it being more holidays/weekends etc.

If they are sharing care at almost 50/50 there must be a way they can thrash something out. Seems unfair otherwise.

That being said, my ex would tell the world and his wife that he has 'shared custody' when the reality is nothing of the sort. He considers himself some sort of demi-god for having the decency to see his child one or two night per week. He takes no responsibility for anything though and so I wouldn't necessarily consult him before making any major decisions iyswim?

As they have pretty much 50/50 shared residency he has a very good argument for being granted a PSO (as the poster above said) to prohibit the mother taking the daughter out f the area. She will be able to contest this which will then end up in Court but she needs to prove that the benefits of moving outweigh the negative to the child. Losing the current and established pattern of care if it works is a big negative.

The child's wishes and feelings may be taken into account but she won't be asked to choose and even her wishes and feelings won't be used to decide if the mother can move her or not. If the mother still wants to move without her can your brother facilitate a grater share of residency of his daughter?

He needs to have the PSO before she moves. No point waiting until after she moves as the Court may not see it best to disrupt the child again to order her to return. If he can get something in writing by email or text about her plans to move that would be great to attach to his application as proof x

Thank you for the replies!

To answer your questions...

The potential move would happen in 2015, the mother is preparing the ground work now.

Weekly care is 50/50. Always has been from since the mother returned to work when niece was 1year. All drop offs and pick ups shared equally. No official primary carer as everything is shared equally. My brother does pay a small amount of maintenance as ex felt he should and he doesn't like arguments. No marital home - they never lived together. All costs shared - brother pays for all extra curricular activities (but then he arranged and booked them so that is fair).

No siblings on either side. He has family in their current area who they see regularly.

We don't really know the ex's plans as she has not mentioned it formally. My niece has just told us all she will be moving in 2015. My brother doesn't want to discuss it with his ex because he is worried they would row and that would make her more determined to move.

Assuming she's year 5 now, she'd need to have applied for secondary schools by this October (assuming she's state-educated). Maybe your brother could start a conversation with her mother along the lines of 'We need to apply this year, what do you think about x, y and z schools in that order. Shall we start looking into that together?'

Would your brother be prepared to have your niece all school weekdays, and let her mother have more holiday/weekend contact? So he effectively becomes the majority carer?

My brother would happily take on full time custody. He wouldn't want increased holiday time, he wants to be a regular parent involved in her daily life. I expect if push came to shove and she moved that he would follow. Being a father is the most important thing in his life and I think he feels he failed her when the relationship failed so early on in her life.

The mother is a nice woman, I know her reasonably well. But she doesn't really talk or negotiate - it does tend to end up in a row.

We all feel pretty powerless because my niece is of an age where she will pick up what is going on so we don't want to make things worse.

How far is the proposed move?

Is there a really good reason for the move? If he feels his daughter will have a better life and opportunities in the new town then he may consider a change in pattern of care to enable the move but to ensure he still sees plenty of her.

However, it seems as though that isn't the case and the mum want to move but doesn't think he needs to be consulted. I don't think he should accept "more holiday contact" I also don't think if his daughter doesn't move but the mum does that he should accept he has his daughter more school days and his ex has her daughter more weekends and holidays. Non-school time should be shared in my opinion. School days for us are up, breakfast, school, home, homework, dinner, bath, bed.

Good idea what the other poster suggested. Schools need applying for soon. He needs to discuss options for secondary schools with the ex, preferably in writing. That way she has chance to tell him she wants to move away and he can tell her he doesn't consent for his daughter to move away. Perfect for her to be given the opportunity to provide him with some written evidence to use at Court to obtain his prohibited steps order. I'd be proposing if she wants to move that majority residency moves to him. Her mother has every other weekend, half of school holidays and alternate Xmas and birthdays and that she does the majority of the travelling.

I hate it when people behave like this. If she has decided to move away when her daughter has spent her entire life with two homes and two equally involved parents then she clearly sees herself as the "main" or "most important" parent, or she has the same idea that my DSC's mum does of "I'm the MOTHER they are MY kids I can do WHATEVER I want"

Has she even got a job in a new city yet? Could well be that it is just an idea rather than a firm plan.