School withholding my parental rights to make decisions

[ScarletFair]

I am the non-resident parent (following acrimonious divorce) and natural mother of my 8 year old daughter.

We have a shared care order and there is no prohibited steps order or specific issue order.

For nearly 2 years I have been asking the school to seek permission from me as well as her father for extra curricular activities yet have been ignored and fobbed off and have not been able to express my wishes on any of these activities.

They have allowed the father to make unilateral decisions despite my repeated requests to be included in the decision making process.

They have also ignored my requests to be informed when my daughter is ill at school.

Can the school legally do this?

In doing so are they negligent in their care to both me and/or my daughter?

I desperately need advice as I feel like a second class citizen in the school's eyes.

Current guidance from the DfE is that head teachers should seek consent from the parent with residence for outings and activities unless the decision is likely to have a significant long-term impact on the child or the non-resident parent has requested that they be asked for consent. As you have indeed asked they should be checking with you. They are not directly breaking the law if they ignore you but if your daughter is injured, for example, they may be liable on the ground that parental consent was not given for the activity.

The guidance also says that schools must treat all parents equally unless there is a court order limiting your PR.

The guidance can be found [http://www.education.gov.uk/schools/pupilsupport/parents/a0014568/parental-responsibility here]. I suggest you point this out to the head. If that fails to produce any change you should refer the matter to the governors.

Sorry - meant to make the link clickable like this!.

What sort of things are you wanting them to seek your permission for. Do you mean extra curricular activities like Netball club after school or something like a week long residential trip? Why do you want them to ask your permission too- is it because he is arranging activities for her that interrupt or affect your contact time?

As a holder of PR you should be treated in exactly the same way as your ex. Residence status has no bearing on it.

Your first port of call should be to organise a meeting with the head teacher. Explain what you are looking for in a letter and follow it up with a meeting. If they don't respond, go for another letter.

If that doesn't work write to the board of governors. If that doesn't work it's time to contact the LEA.

It's something that many people in a charity I'm a member of (Families Need Fathers) go through. We're getting increasing numbers of mums joining and they go through the same thing as the dads.

If you need some advice, check out the Custody Minefield - www.thecustodyminefield.com/. I think there are template letters for sending to schools which would suit you.

Get in touch if you want a chat - it's something that I deal with from time to time.

This may also be useful:

www.thecustodyminefield.com/mobile/preducation.html

Unless there's a court order the school must communicate with both parents.