Ex h not returning son

[gracehedley]

Hi All, can I seek advice again please? I have a contact order with my ex h which sets out when he spends time with our son. Which includes half school holidays. Ex h is now saying he will not return our son (who is currently at his father's house) on the decided date during these Christmas holidays and is keeping him until the end of the hols. Son age 8 is very happy to stay at his father's but this is not what was agreed and obviously I want to spend time with him too. What can I do?

Where and how was this date decided?

we decided the dates between ourselves before the holidays began. Ex h is upset because son stayed at a friend's house for a night last week - the plan was for him to stay at his Grandma's with me, but with the bad weather we didn't travel. So ex h thinks he has been wronged - misinformed etc - and this is a way of punishing me. Sounds bizarre, I know - because what we do in our own time is not his concern!

I believe I've answered this elsewhere today. You could write formally pointing out that Parental Responsibility means parents need to agree important issues like living and contact arrangements, but each parent can act unilaterally and decide day-today issues such as delegating child care to someone else in the time when the child is staying with them.

I would request politely that the child is returned as agreed immediately stating you expect time back later in lieu of any time you have missed, and offering mediation to settle the issue for the future. If that doesn't resolve the issue and or the problem persists you could return to court and ask for a better defined order. Unfortunately though courts can't manage separated families closely and the problem with a defined order is less flexibility which isn't great for children.

If your son usually lives with you and his father didn't return him within a matter of a week say you could apply to court for interim residence if you don't already have a sole residence order. That would on the basis that it isn't in your son's interests for his sense of security, established bonds or schooling to be disrupted and the status quo should be restored at least until the court can come to a final decision. It is possible to apply without notice for interim residence or to have a child returned and the court can hear a case the same day or a few days if necessary, but then usually you are into the realms of needing a solicitor.

Thank you STIDW. It does make life very difficult indeed. It wan't even a matter of me asking someone else to look after him - he was invited to his friend's. Thanks again.

No one said it was easy! You aren't alone, many parents struggle with arrangements for child after separation but most of us manage to muddle through somehow.