Parental rights, csa, access

[Wanttobeadad]

Recently found out I am a dad... and the mother is a completely unreasonable, loopy, over protective woman whose family are poisoning her against me. Which makes her change her mind at the drop of a hat.
When I found out tbh I wanted nothing to do with her, the relationship was short due to her being rather loopy to be frank.
First of she wanted me involved, but to have no rights and wants me to prove to her over the next year that I can bond with baby!! To me, this sounds too much, and it turned out to be because all we did was row. Baby was pictured though in bed with exes siblings new love interest, half naked, after a short relationship this also worries me as ex doesn't see the potential harm. I also think it's just creepy. Perhaps I'm being overprotective now, but I found it odd.
My Partner tried to resolve it, no luck there either.
So after much heart ache, I decide to offer to walk away, and pay my maintenance. I ask for bank details 4 times, but she won't let me pay for dc!!!
So I walk away (unwillingly and unsure of this) to be hounded for days not to. When I say ok, I'm told she now wants me to have nothing to do with them, but has given my partner contact details incase I change my mind, what's left of it now lol.
I want to be in dcs life, but how? She is so difficult and things change like the wind!
I'm not working right now unfortunately, (Jsa) and the cost of court seems like a lot. Can I get a discount or does anyone know how much this is likely to cost me.
I do think dc will be ok, but mum is very unstable towards me, her family are needy... Siblings having babies to get most attention, fake cancer stories, throwing hissy fits if one has a new love etc.... I don't think this is a good place to be brought up in, and they live in each other's pockets...I don't wish to take full custody though.
I can't afford a solicitor, already saw a recommended one before the birth but I'd like to self represent. I want to be in dcs life, but how? I have no rights, no birth certificate etc

It is, of course, better if you can agree things with the mother. You should try mediation first. However, if that doesn't work or is not possible your only option is to go to court. If you are on income-based JSA you will not have to pay any court fees. You can apply for Parental Responsibility (which gives you a say in major decisions regarding your child) and contact.

Try not to be overprotective. Who your child sees while in the mother's care is nothing to do with you unless there are safeguarding issues (i.e. your child is being placed at risk of abuse).

OK, it's not that complicated really and there are a lot of people who have gone through the same thing.

Assuming you are no on the birth certificate, the first thing you need to do is get PR (parental responsibility). First step is to ask your child's mother to complete a C(PRA1) form and get put on the birth certificate.

Assuming she won't do that, you can apply to the court for that, but try. And make sure you have written proof you have tried to do so. While you're writing to her, ask her to agree contact between you and your child. Little and often. A progressing schedule of increase. Try that. Try mediation if you think it will help (although I suspect she won't entertain the idea).

If none of the above works, make an application to the court. A C100 is the form you need, for contact. You can apply to be on the birth certificate in the same case. It costs £215 at the moment (I think). As money is an issue, consider representing yourself with the aid of a McKenzie Friend (a legal assistant who can help with a lot of the things a solicitor or barrister can, but not everything). Some of them charge, but most/all are much cheaper and if you have a good one can help out a lot.

Lastly, join Families Need Fathers. They have a helpline, run nationwide support meetings (with solicitors, social workers, etc. giving free advice) and a very useful forum where you'll meet people who have seen it, done it and gone through the same thing as you.

If you need any more advice, please feel free to private message me. Your situation is not impossible and there is a lot you can do.

Good luck!

And from this point forward, don't argue with your child's mother. Don't harass her, etc. If it goes to court anything you do and say can (and probably will) come back to haunt you.

Be nice, be child-focused. Hopefully you'll be able to work something out before it comes to that. Hope for the best but plan for the worst.

Sorry, but you need to man up. If your ex is as bad a mother as you are portraying her then you NEED to go for full custody - your child's welfare is just as much your responsibility as hers.

I would strongly advise against going for full custody' (it's been called residence' since 1989...)

I have lost count of the number of cases were a father has made a residence application for this sort of reason, only for `Mum' to say that his doing so has made her feel insecure at which point she is given one.

It's important to realise too that residence status has no bearing whatsoever on the level of contact and there isn't much a resident parent can do in law that a non-resident one can't.

The crucial thing for the OP to do is get Parental Responsibility - not go for residence.